


Mr. Crowe - Rogue or Savior?

by Tanksalot2468



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Frat boy antics, Friendship, Gen, HEA, Humor, Idiots in Love, Intrigue, Loyalty, fight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 72,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29228799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanksalot2468/pseuds/Tanksalot2468
Summary: Ok guys, this is my first fanfic, so please be gentle. As I read other fanfics, I'm astonished by how much fighting Sidney does, and apparently there's not a mark on him. That's about to change..... sort of.  Crowe has a plan, and it won't be pretty.  Think two frat boys with a can of cheese whiz.  Just a fun romp about the lengths Sidney and his friends will go to help him avoid going to Mrs. Maudsley's Valentine's Day ball with Eliza.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Lord Babington and Lady Babington, Mr. Crowe and Cynthia, The Quisenberrys
Comments: 829
Kudos: 312





	1. This ingenue is not so pretty

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is about as bad as it gets. If you get through this, I think you'll enjoy the rest.

Crowe had a bad feeling about this fight. Betting money on his best friend for this afternoon’s fight would leave a big hole in his wallet, but he couldn’t in good conscience bet against him. He tried to talk Sidney out of it. Sidney always came away with a bruise or two, but tonight was Mrs. Maudsley’s Valentine’s rout, and it was Eliza’s favorite event. The most romantic ball of the year, and she was attending with this gorgeous man who made the two of them the most beautiful and envied couple in London. No, this was not going to end well. According to the bookie collecting the bets, Sidney’s opponent, a massive semi-professional German fighter, had never lost a fight, and he fought dirty and he fought to win; and he usually left his opponents in tatters. 

Crowe questioned the timing of the bout because most of these illegal fights took place late at night when the only policemen about were already on the payrolls of many of the attending patrons. Crowe gathered from the replies of people in the know, that more men were afraid of their own wives’ dirty fighting techniques than those that would be on display this afternoon. And, if the Valentines ball was missed, their spouses would make quick work of emasculating each and every one of them.

Where was Babington? He wondered. Babington may have been able to talk their heart-broken friend out of this, but it was too late now. The bets had been placed, and the fighters were warming up. Crowe had already placed 100 pounds on Sidney. 50 for himself and 50 for Babington, but he would rather have simply put the money towards Tom’s debt. Damn Tom. Crowe blamed him for all of this horrible mess. It was fun to bet on Sidney when he was simply….. just… Sidney. They would go to some gentlemen’s club and make a night of it drinking brandy and betting on their friend until the competition got too tough, then they would pull him out of the line-up before his face took too much of a beating. They would all go home a little wealthier, very drunk, happy, and Sidney only a little sore. Those were soft fights. A soft fight was not going to happen this afternoon. 

Crowe looked over at the big German, and they locked eyes for a split second. The giant knew Crowe was his opponent’s friend, and he gave him a wicked smile that make Crowe’s blood run cold. He noticed the man was missing his front teeth and had a cauliflower ear. Oh no, he’s bound to be jealous of Sidney’s good looks. He’s going for the face. I know he’s going for Sidney’s beautiful face. The brute strutted around his side of the fighting space shirtless, rolling his shoulders, throwing air punches, stretching and flexing every muscle in his taut body. Oh god, the man’s a mountain. Sidney was a big strong guy, and Crowe was already dreading having to drag his friend’s limp frame home after the fight, but that man towered over Sidney by a head, was twice as broad and probably had an extra three inches to his reach. He wanted to tell his friend to leave now. He’d run with him. Catch a boat to Antiqua. But he knew his fruitless efforts would only serve to distract and deflate Sidney’s already fragile ego. Crowe cringed when Sidney called for another whiskey. Well, if he lives through this, at least he won’t feel too much. Crowe called for a bottle of brandy for himself. When it came he left the glass on the table and drank straight from the bottle. This is going to be bad…. Very bad. 

Crowe noticed that Sidney looked way too calm as if he knew the big man was going to beat the tar out of him. Crowe ran his fingers through his hair and brushed his hands over his face as he kept glancing at the door hoping Babington would appear soon. If Sidney went down, they may need Babington’s status as a lord to remove him from the fight.

“Crowe!” As if on cue, Babington’s shout was music to his ears. Crowe noticed his two friends exchanging a glance, and instead of giving Babington his usual cock-sure half smile, he raised his chin in a half nod then went back to whatever dreamland he had zoned into. Crowe nodded to the bartender for another bottle. “Babbers, this is for you. You’re going to need it.” He handed the other man the bottle and left that glass on the table. Babbers took a quick look at the monstrous German and took a long draw from the bottle.

“You couldn’t talk him out of this?” Babington asked with irritation.

Crowe rolled his eyes. “I think you tried to talk him out of this a couple of hours ago. You think I would have better luck after we got here?”

“How much did you put on him?”

“Fifty pounds each,” Crowe said with a grimace and a shrug.

“Let’s hope he goes down fast and stays down,” said Babington with a concerned look towards his friend. “Tonight is Mrs. Maudsley’s Valentines Ball. Eliza’s been planning their attendance for months, and is hot to show off her prized Valentine. She even bought Sidney a matching waistcoat with little hearts embroidered on the pockets.”

“No shit?” Crowe laughed for the first time that afternoon. Babington snickered and gave him a quick amused nod. “Well, maybe that’s why Sidney looks like he’s going to fight to the death.”

Sidney had removed his black coat, black waistcoat and cravat. As he walked barefooted around the ring of gathering men, he still wore his nice trousers and white shirt. In spite of his state of careless undress, he still looked like a gentleman, tall, erect and almost polite. As Crowe watched his beautiful friend another sense of dread rolled over him. He had always enjoyed Sidney’s cast off ‘honey bees’ which seemed to swarm the man everywhere they went. A not so pretty Sidney would greatly diminish Crowes chances for sport amongst the ladies. Crowe wondered if his and Babington’s were the only bets put on Sidney that afternoon. Then he wondered if men were putting money on how long the fight would last.

The bartender stepped into the middle of the swarm of men. The crowd was electrified because they could smell blood. Probably several were jealous of Sidney and inwardly hoped for a bad outcome for the man who caused their wives to swoon every time he stepped into a room. 

The bartender introduced the two fighters, Hans Schmidt and Sidney Parker, and thankfully didn’t go into any detail about their fighting careers. The physical disparities spoke volumes. Both men met in the middle and shook hands. Sidney gave his opponent a slight gentlemanly bow. “Oh, shit no,” Crowe whispered to Babington. “You don’t bow to a man who eats babies for breakfast.” Babbers was quiet and shook his head slowly. 

The bartender continued. “You men have been introduced. Step away from each other, and when I step out of the ring you may commence fighting. Fight is over when the first man goes down and stays down.”

As soon as Sidney stepped away from the giant his feet started dancing and his fists came up in classic fighting form. God, he even fights pretty, thought Crowe. The bigger man came out flat footed with his fists barely covering his torso. Nothing pretty about him. Simply brute force. His size caused the floor to shake slightly every time he took a heavy step. Sidney danced around him, and managed to land a couple of decent punches. He looked like a matador fighting a bull who had yet to decide whether or not to engage in the fight. Hans took several swings, but Sidney easily avoided each one of them. Had they been closer in size, this could have been a great fight. Sidney danced to the side and managed a swift jab that caught Hans unaware and a slight trickle of blood dripped from the big man’s nose. He stepped back, swiped his nose with the back of his hand and noticed the blood. He looked at Sidney and smiled a very ugly unnerving smile. Sidney moved in for another punch, but a big fist flew at him from out of nowhere and solidly landed just below his ribcage. Crowe had never seen Sidney take such a heavy hit. All the air left his lungs and he coughed. He tried to dance away from the giant to gain a second to catch his breath, but because no breath came, and his legs slowed. Sidney took another monstrous uppercut jab under his chin which snapped his head backwards, spun him around, and landed him on his knees, his back to the other man. He tasted blood. Sidney felt the floor shake, and managed to skitter away and get back to his feet before the bull got to him. He stood, but he wasn’t dancing, and his breath heaved desperately trying to replace the oxygen that had just been knocked out of his lungs. The next words made Crowe’s blood freeze. “Ready to give up, pretty boy?” Crowe wanted to close his eyes. Babington jumped up and down next to him screaming over and over “COME ON PARKER, YOU HAD HIM!” Actually, Sidney didn’t have him, but he appreciated the encouragement. Crowe noticed that the order of the fight had shifted. Now Sidney was flat on his feet and trying, not too successfully, to deflect the punches coming his way. But, Hans moved like a cross between a gorilla and a Cheetah. The bull was now engaged. His feet flew, and his punches came quickly, methodically and hard. The big man grunted every time he landed a solid punch. Luckily, thought Crowe, most of them had been to Sidney’s torso, but those punches were taking their toll, and he was rapidly weakening. The crowd pushed and shoved to get a closer look at the fall of the London dandy. “FINISH HIM!” they all shouted. Only Crowe and Babington were shouting for Sidney. Sidney stumbled sideways when another beefy punch landed near his nose, and he instantly tasted the blood in the back of his throat and felt it flowing down his nose to his mouth. Still he didn’t stay down. 

“STAY DOWN, STAY DOWN!” both Crowe and Babington were practically screaming at him. Crowe wanted to cry. He knew his friend was beaten, and if he didn’t stay down he was going to be beaten badly. “STAY DOWN!” Crowes voice cracked as he screamed at his friend, but Sidney wouldn’t listen. He rolled over onto his knees and started to push himself off the floor. “Come here my little ingenue let me help you.” The big guy grabbed the front of Sidney’s shirt and took one last punch. 

Crowe didn’t actually see the last punch land, but he, Babington, and probably several other patrons were instantly splattered with blood. Crowe was hit by something small and hard, and his eyes tried to follow where it went. He barely glimpsed a tiny flash of white skittering across the filthy floor. He instantly fell to his hands and knees and crawled in the direction of the tiny projectile. He knew he had angered several people around him, when he heard many “What the hells?” “Get off the floor you imbecile.” “Oh, it’s just Crowe looking for spilled brandy.” He felt several knees jab into his ribs, but he kept his eyes plastered to the last spot where he saw the tiny white object. He remembered his uncle telling him about a friend who had a tooth knocked out. He immediately picked it up and put it back in the hole. The tooth stayed until the day he died. It didn’t matter that he died 3 weeks later of blood poisoning, the tooth stayed in place. He spotted the white object and crawled towards it like a toddler with his diaper on fire. “No! STOP!” he shouted, but too late. He saw the unexpecting heel land on the object, and he heard the crunch. All he could think of was Sidney Parker, without your front teeth you might as well be dead. Crowe wanted to cry, but instead he stood and walked back to help his friend, whose face was now covered in blood. He was astonished to see Babington and the giant dragging an unconscious Sidney across the floor. He turned and ran out to call Babington’s carriage, but luckily Babbers had the foresight to tell the coachman to stay by the front door. Crowe was doubly astonished when Hans almost gently placed Sidney on the carriage seat. He spoke to the unconscious man in perfect English with only a slight hint of a German accent, “Sorry about that, my friend, you should have gone down with the first hit. Hope I didn’t mess you up too bad.” He and Babington exchanged a look as Crowe stepped into the carriage. They all knew Sidney was ruined. The Parkers were ruined. Sanditon was ruined. The footman handed Crowe Sidney’s clothes, then stepped up onto the box with the coachman.

Babington looked at Crowe. “Shit, Crowe, who’s going to break the news to Eliza.” 

“Who’s going to break the news to Charlotte?” asked Crowe.


	2. Drawing straws for the death sentence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men draw straws to figure out who's going to tell Eliza. Crowe becomes General Crowe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everybody for reading this, and for your comments. I know this is a simple silly story, but I'm having such a great time with this. Hope you continue to enjoy it with me. Nancy

Crowe and Babington said little as the coach made its way to Bedford Place. Luckily it wasn’t a far drive. When they pulled up in front of the stately old house Babington jumped out of the coach first and ran up the steps to get Thomas. The old butler always knew how to handle difficult situations with Sidney, and Crowe prayed, yes, he actually prayed, that Thomas would know what to do. He looked at his friend’s battered face and cringed. The beautiful face of Sidney Parker he had known for the past 20 years was now a thing of the past. He could see ugly swelling contorting around his nose and mouth, and the blood…. Oh god, the blood, it covered all of Sidney’s features, and Crowe had to look away. He had told Babington about the crushed tooth, and both men winced. When Babington had disappeared into the house, Charles, the footman stepped into the carriage and offered to help Crowe move Sidney. They both looked at his face, then at each other, and grimaced. 

“Come on Mr. Parker,” Charles said to his unconscious employer. “Let’s get you inside.” Both men draped one of his arms over their shoulders and placed their other hands under his knees and struggled under Sidney’s weight. As they turned him toward the door, John, the coachman grabbed his feet and guided him out of the carriage. The three men struggled getting him up the steps and inside the house. ‘thank goodness Tom’s not here’ thought Crowe.

A worried Thomas met them in the front hall, and suggested the men take him upstairs. Crowe shot the man a ‘yeah, right’ glare, and said, “Let’s get him to his study.” The other two men thought this was a fabulous idea, they dragged Sidney through the closest door, and deposited him on the sofa closest to the fireplace. Crowe, Babbers, Thomas, Charles and John all considered the prostrate figure of Sidney Parker, his face bloodied, his shirt torn and blood stained, and his entire frame motionless. Obviously, Sidney was not going to make the ball. “What the hell are we going to do?” asked Babington. Crowe remained silent, but looked like he may be thinking of a plan.

The five men looked at one another, then at their feet. All dreading the inevitable, and none of them wanting to speak of it. Finally, Crowe took control. “Someone needs to let Eliza know that she has to go to the ball alone tonight.” 

Every man paled and avoided each other’s eyes. No one was going to volunteer. No one wanted to be chosen. John hoped that because he was Babbington’s coachman, he would be spared involvement. Thomas cleared his throat. “We’ll draw straws,” he stated with authority. He kept a cupful of straws at his station near the front door specifically for this type of situation. Of course, Babbington claimed lordly privilege, and excused himself form the drawing. Thomas held out the straws for the others, and poor Charles drew the short one. Unfortunately for John, because his coach was at the ready, he was recruited to drive the Parker footman to the Campion residence. Both men looked as if the high court had just passed down death sentences. John being the older and more experienced servant gestured for Charles to follow him, and they both climbed up to the coachman’s box. 

With that task taken care of, Crowe turned back to his friend. He looked at Babington and said, “Babbers, I’m going to need a drink for this one.”

“Sure,” said Babbington, happy to have a task he could easily accomplish. He walked over to Sidney’s bar and poured Crowe a large shot of Parker’s best brandy. Crowe gratefully downed the entire glass before he set about his grizzly task of cleaning up his friend’s face. 

He pulled a clean handkerchief out of an inner pocket and proceeded to wipe the blood off Sidney’s face. Sidney, his head bent back over the arm of the sofa and his mouth wide opened snored loudly. ‘Good,” thought Crowe. ‘He’s obviously still alive.’ He started at Sidney’s forehead and wiped gently down towards his chin. He wiped the blood from around his nose, and when he reached his friend’s mouth he hesitated. He dreaded what he was going to find. He wiped the blood off Sidney’s upper lip, then wiped the cloth over his raw gums. All three men were afraid to look dreading what Crowe would find. 

Crowed let out a quick “Hmm!”

“What?” asked Babington.

Crowe snorted and burst out laughing. Both Babington and Thomas glared at the pale curly haired man. Crowe pinched the side of Sidney’s mouth and pulled upward and turned his friend’s face towards the two men with an expression filled with mirth. “He still has his teeth!”

“What?” Babington and Thomas both exclaimed with astonishment as they peered into Sidney’s mouth. 

They all looked down at his torn shirt and noticed the missing buttons. “It wasn’t a tooth that hit me,” said Crowe. “It was a button!” All three of them breathed a huge sigh of relief, and started laughing.  
“Great!” said Thomas. Maybe we can give him some coffee and dress him up and Mrs. Campion will never know the difference. He turned to leave the room. 

“Where are you going?” asked Crowe.

“To get him some clean clothes,” said Thomas.

“Why?” asked Crowe

“So he can go to the ball, fool,” said Babington.

“Oh, no, no, no,” said an amused and suddenly determined Crowe. “Sidney is staying right here.”

“But what about Eliza?” asked Thomas.

“Let her come,” Crowe snickered, thinking about the not so pretty Sidney not attracting anymore bees. 

“She’s not going to be happy,” said Thomas.

“We don’t want her happy. In fact, we want her totally insane with anger.” Said an uncannily composed Crowe. “Thomas, Go get Abigale.”

“Abigale? The cook? She already gone to bed,” said Thomas indignantly. He hated disturbing the household staff on their off hours.

“Get her,” demanded Crowe. “Tell her it’s an emergency. Bring her immediately. Find her a robe if she doesn’t have one, but she doesn’t have time to get dressed.”

“But it’s improper for her to be here with us in her night clothes,” said Thomas.

“How long have you known Sidney?” asked Crowe.

“Since he was a boy.” Answered Thomas.

“What do you think of him?”

“He’s like a son to me.”

“Do you really want him to be tied to Eliza for the rest of his life?”

Thomas spluttered, “Well, no, but…”

“No buts,” Babington cut in. “Tell her I’ll double her salary for the month if she’s here in less than five minutes.”

Thomas still hesitated.

“NOW!” Shouted Babbers in his most authoritative lordly voice. Thomas vacated the room immediately.

“Tell her I’ll double her salary, too if she’s here in less than two minutes.” Crowe shouted after him. “Starting now!” he said as he glanced at his watch.

Babington scurried over to Crowe and whispered. “What the hell are you doing?”

Crowe could not control his snickering. “My friends,” he said to both Babington and the unconscious Sidney, “We’re going to have some fun tonight.”

“What?” Babbers asked still not grasping Crowe’s idea. 

Crowe pulled Sidney’s waistcoat out of the crumpled pile of clothing. He checked the pockets and he finally pulled out what he was looking for. He handed the tiny key to Babington. “Open Sidney’s writing box, and see if he has any black sealing wax.” 

As Crowe’s crazy rantings starting making sense to Babington, he couldn’t control his own snickering. “Yes sir!” he said as he saluted Crowe and turned towards Sidney’s desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Duh... No one thought to tell Charles what to tell Eliza. I guess we can all figure out where this is going, but hopefully there are a few surprises left.


	3. WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gives Charles some good advice. Eliza is on the warpath.

What are You Staring At?

Poor Charles. His tongue stuck to the roof of his dry mouth, and the only sounds he could make were moans. He knew he was going to die tonight. ‘And I’m just a footman,’ he thought. John nudged him with his elbow as he frantically guided the horses through the crowded streets. “Just keep it short and sweet,” he told the younger man.

“Yeah,” croaked Charles. He shook his head slowly and thought of his wife and new baby girl at home. They already struggled to make ends meet. He knew the life he loved was about to change drastically. He put his elbows on his knees and covered his worried face with his hands struggling not to cry.

“Look, when you walk in the door remember you may be just a footman, but Mr. Parker’s life depends on your message.” Charles gave the older man an unbelieving look. “Really. Keep it short and sweet. When you step in the house you tell the butler you have a message from Mr. Sidney Parker. He’ll hold his hand out for a written note. You tell him you don’t have one. That you have been told specifically to relay the message to Mrs. Campion directly. You won’t have to tell them who because they will automatically assume it’s Sidney. For god’s sake whatever you do, DO NOT tell them that the coachman told you. She’ll be furious when she comes down stairs because she’s already expecting Sidney to flake on her. Simply say ‘Mrs. Campion, Mr. Sidney Parker sends his apologies, but he will not be attending the ball tonight.’ Give her a chance to question you, then say ‘He’s indisposed at the moment.’ I promise you that the shit is going to fly. But, now listen to me this is important, by all means stand tall and look her straight in the eye. Then make a bee line for the door. You must be fast, but you must NOT look like you’re rushing. Once outside run! I don’t care how you attach yourself to this carriage, but under no circumstances is Mrs. Campion to set foot inside it. Do you understand?” Charles took a deep breath and nodded. “Good. Oh, and the butler’s name is Herman. Do not let him get the upper hand by calling him Mr. Herman.” John guided the horses into the cobbled circle in front of the intimidating Campion compound.

Charles jumped off the carriage, stood facing John, took several deep breaths, straightened his coat and adjusted his black tricorn. He nodded at John, turned, strode up the steps and hammered the door knocker like a nobleman. John’s chest swelled with pride as he watched the younger man, really not much older than a boy. He raised his eyes to the heavens and sent up a quick prayer, then waited at the ready to rush back to Bedford Place. 

*****

Charles told himself to breathe deep as he stood for what felt like an eternity at the massive front door. The door slowly opened with a creek. ‘Those hinges need a good greasing,’ he thought to himself. He looked at the short bespectacled man with dark oily hair. The butler looked back at him and his eyes narrowed. “Yes?” he asked.

“I have a message from Mr. Sidney Parker,” Charles said with authority. The butler sneered at the younger man and he held out his hand for the message. “I do not have a written note. I was told to give the message directly to Mrs. Campion.” 

The butler looked him up and down with an exasperated glare. “One moment,” he murmured as he turned knowing he was about to wage what he hoped would be a quiet war with his boss. Charles noticed that the man took several deep breaths before he moved off. ‘Herman’s night has just been ruined,’ he thought to himself. He also noticed the massive footman standing off to his left. He decided instead of moving further into the front hall he would keep himself between the big guy and the door. 

“WHAT!” the shriek echoed throughout the entire house. “OH NO! SIDNEY IS GOING TO THAT BALL TONIGHT IF I HAVE TO DRAG HIM THERE MYSELF.”

He heard Herman unsuccessfully try to placate his irate boss. “We don’t know if he’s backing out. His footman simply has a message for you. Maybe he’s conveying some Valentine wishes.”

“Sidney? Conveying Valentine wishes?” she snorted with derision. “Really, Herman get your head out the clouds for once.”

“Mrs. Campion, your robe,” he heard a quavering female voice from somewhere deep inside the upstairs.

“Oh, for crying out loud. He’s just a footman.”

Charles braced himself, but he was totally unprepared with what he saw next. Eliza Campion came storming down the heavily carpeted stairs, her teased hair flying in all directions. She was barefooted, wearing nothing but her stays and a petticoat. Charles swallowed and worked hard to control his expression. He did not move away from the door.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS.” She raised her voice to deafening levels.

“Mr. Sidney Parker sends his regrets for the ball tonight.” He continued on instead of giving her a chance to lay into him. “He is indisposed.”

‘INDISPOSED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN INDISPOSED?” 

Charles noticed that Herman already had Mrs. Campion’s heavy coat at the ready. ‘Oh hell no,’ he thought. ‘Not on my watch.’ Then in a split second he was hit with a lovely inspiration. He remembered the night after the Regatta when it was his turn to take the night duty in the servant’s tiny office near the front entrance at Trafalgar House when Mr. Parker had spoken his lovely words to Miss Charlotte. He suddenly stood taller, looked directly at Mrs. Campion with his hands behind his back, gave her a slight bow and simply said, “That is all.” He immediately opened the door, stepped outside into the dark with as much dignity he could muster, but once over the threshold, he ran shouting ‘GO, GO, GO!” He had to cut across the lawn to catch up with the moving carriage. He jumped onto the footman’s platform at the back of the carriage and held onto the iron handles for dear life.

He heard Eliza behind him screaming “COME BACK HERE! SIDNEY PARKER WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS! GET BACK HERE AND TAKE ME TO BEDFORD PLACE!” Though it was after dark, her screaming had caught the attention of several passersby. She slipped on one of the piles that one of the nervous waiting horses left behind, and went down on her knees breaking a finger nail. “SIDNEY PARKER YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!” But the carriage was already long gone, and only the gawking bystanders and her servants heard her words. 

The big footman tried to help her off the ground, but she wrenched her elbow away from his hand with a massive jerk. “DON’T TOUCH ME?” He raised his palms towards her and stepped back. “AH! THE INCOMPENTENCE!” She shouted as she stormed back into the house throwing her coat at Herman and ripping off her soiled petticoat. She started towards the steps wearing nothing but her stays, stockings and garters. She stopped and turned to Herman. “Get my coach NOW! I’m going to Bedford place!” She noticed the footman staring at her with his mouth hanging opened. “WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?”


	4. The Makeup Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The frantic efforts to get Sidney ready for Eliza's viewing. Sorry guys, I thought I would be a little further along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, Cynthia! Your turn's coming! 🤣🤣

The Makeup Party

Crowe and Babington hovered over Sidney like a couple of mad scientists, their wild, curly-haired heads only inches apart. They raised their heads, looked at each other and snorted with unbridled glee. Of course Sidney would have black sealing wax. It was his signature color. Babbers lit the candle and handed it to Crowe, but only because Crowe was the man in charge. His body shook with so much mirth that he had trouble hitting the targeted teeth. When it started cooling Babington pushed the pliable wax around the backs of Sidney’s teeth as well to be sure that no white would show by accident. “Let me, let me, please!” Babbers pleaded like an impatient child. Crowe handed him the candle, and they both giggled like a couple of school girls. 

As Crowe paused to take another generous swallow of the brandy he noticed Sidney’s tongue darting out a little as if subconsciously feeling the heat and trying to lick it away.

“Oh no you don’t,” Crowe said as he shoved his friend’s tongue back to an acceptable position. 

“What happens if he wakes up?” 

“Good question, Babbers. We’ll just have to figure out a way to make sure he doesn’t.” Though neither man had a clue as how they could possibly accomplish this, they both burst out laughing. Crowe stepped back like an artist studying his unfinished canvas, looked at his watch then towards the stairs. He wasn’t finished yet.

****

Thomas maintained impressive levels of calm and grace as he flew down the back stairs to the servants’ quarters. He knocked on Abigail’s door, and when she didn’t answer after a split second, he took a deep breath and stepped inside. He not so gently shook her shoulder. “Abigail, wake up, wake up!” he whispered loudly. 

She was immediately startled awake. “Thomas?” she whispered to the uncomfortable man standing in her bedroom, sending a cautious glance towards her sleeping roommate. But, too late.

They both froze when a sleepy Cynthia rolled over, yawned and mumbled “What?” When her eyes opened she shot up in bed. “What’s going on? Are the children ok?” Then she realized the children were in Sanditon.

Thomas rolled his eyes towards the heavens and puffed out a breath. “Hurry! Mr. Parker needs your help. There’s no time to dress.” He held up Abigail’s robe, which had been neatly laid across the bottom of her bed, as if he was helping a lady into her coat. 

Without being asked, Cynthia reached for her own robe. “I’m coming too!” Both girls exchanged quick giddy glances. They were going to be able to help Mr. Sidney Parker….. in their night clothes. 

“Hurry! They’re in his study.” Thomas pushed them towards the stairs. He had one more person to speak to before he went back to the chaos brewing above. 

Luckily Joey didn’t have a roommate. The boy instantly awoke when Thomas touched his shoulder. Thomas was slightly hurt by the fact that all of the staff seemed so afraid of him. “Hurry! When John gets back, you need to go to Lord Babington’s estate and tell Lady Babington that her husband has been unavoidably detained here. She needs to come at once and bring her husband’s ball clothing with her.” Joey shot out of bed, pulled on his trousers, tucked in his night shirt which made him look oddly like an overstuffed sausage. Joey grabbed his coat and rushed up the steps after the elegant butler. 

****

Abigale and Cynthia heard peals of laughter coming from the study. They gave each other worried looks, but they didn’t slow down. However, once inside the room they froze, horrified by the sight of Mr. Crowe and Lord Babington standing head to head snickering as they hovered over the unconscious, once beautiful form of Mr. Sidney Parker. 

“Hurry,” commanded Mr. Crowe. “We have to finish this before Mrs. Campion shows up.” At the mention of the horrid woman’s name, both girls snapped to attention. “Abigail, do you have any blood pudding?”

“I have a little, I was intending to make more tomorrow,” she answered with extreme trepidation.

“You have pork blood?” Crowe asked amused, but elated thinking that for once the stars seemed to have finally aligned in Sidney’s favor. She wrinkled her nose and nodded. 

“Bring it!” he ordered. Crowe’s mind raced with the possibilities of what they could accomplish with the blood pudding and the blood. “Oh, and Abigail,” he called after her. She turned back to Mr. Crowe. “We have to mess him up bad, so bring anything that may serve that purpose.”

Joey stood patiently by the study door awaiting his orders. He watched transfixed at the scene unfolding in front of him.

“Ah, Cynthia, the more the merrier,” Babington said as he turned towards the girl. She gave the Lord a quick curtsey and waited for his orders. He thought of the sealing wax now safely stored in his waistcoat pocket. He noticed her gazing at Sidney’s battered hands, and he had an inspiration. He handed her the candle, and said “Let’s give him some dirty fingernails.” Cynthia’s stomach turned somersaults at the thought of touching Mr. Sidney Parker. She looked at his hands, still beautiful in spite of the bruises and blood. She cautiously took one of his hands and quickly turned it over to look at his palm. ‘Oh!’ she sighed to herself. She carefully caressed each finger as she raked the wax over each short fingernail. She stole a look at his exposed chest and noticed a heart-shaped bruise under his breast bone. Her hands started to sweat, and she slowed the process, to extend her hand holding time. She thought of pressing herself to his hard chest and having those hands roving all over her body. “Oh god,” she murmured then gasped when she realized she had spoken out loud. 

“What?” asked Crowe with a smirk.

“Um, oh, nothing.” She glanced at the gaping hole in his mouth. ‘Oh well,’ she thought herself. ‘He would just have learn to keep his mouth shut. In the dark she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.’ She set about the delicate task of making his fingernails look disgustingly dirty.

“Have you thought about what we’ll do if he wakes up?” Babington asked the General.

“God, no, but he can’t wake up when Eliza’s here.” Crowe looked at Thomas, “Do you think there’s any laudanum in the house.” 

Thomas looked horrified. He knew about Sidney’s opioid troubles after Eliza left him the first time. Even if there was any in the house, he would keep that secret to himself. Luckily Cynthia spoke up. I have an herb tincture that we give to the children when they can’t sleep. It works like a charm. Though it doesn’t last a long time, it’s safe. 

Babington was horrified that there were potions out there for babies. “What’s in it?” he asked suspiciously.

“I think it’s Valerian root, Passion flower and some other herb. It’s great when you have three kids, and one doesn’t want to go down for his afternoon nap. Dab a little on your finger and run it under his tongue, and in five minutes the baby’s out like a light. An hour later he wakes up with his siblings and everyone is happy and rested.”

“Go get it, said Babington.” She released the sealing candle when he reached for it, but when he reached for Sidney’s hand, she held on to it. “Um,” he said as he shook the hand trying to dislodge it from Cynthia’s grasp. She pulled the beautiful hand back. Crowe noticed she had inadvertently intertwined her fingers with his friends. Oh god, he thought with amazement, he even does this to the servants…. Without his teeth! 

He smirked and coughed. “Better hurry, Mrs. Campion could walk in any moment.” 

“Oh… yes. Be right back!” She jumped up, and with a great feeling of loss, she untangled her fingers from Sidney’s and rushed back to her room. Thomas breathed a huge sigh of relief.

***

Abigail raced around the kitchen gathering things for Mr. Crowe. She felt that the ingredients for the blood pudding would be more than enough to dress up Mr. Parker, but then she thought of the Russian caviar. She raced out to the cooling porch and grabbed the jar. She spooned several scoops into a bowl, then several more into her mouth. The stuff was heavenly. She thought she would rather eat the caviar than look at Sidney Parker. She quickly mashed the caviar into a paste, then grabbed the other ingredients and raced back to the study. Stopping several times to dip her fingers in the caviar and indulge herself.

She heard a commotion at the front door, and John and Charles came rushing in. Though Charles was still trying to catch his breath, his face was flushed with excitement. “You guys better hurry,” he blurted as he stepped into the study. “Mrs. C. is on the warpath! I heard her screaming for her coach.”

“Well she should be on the warpath after you pushed her down.” Said John.

“You pushed her down?” asked Crowe

“NO!” Charles defended himself. “She slipped in the pile that your horse left behind.”

“Not MY horse,” retorted John. “Lord Babington’s horse.”

“If you’re not working, get out of the way,” Abigail groused as she stormed past the two men. 

“John, take Joey to the Babington’s.’ He knows what to do. He’ll fill you in on the way. When you get back, park the coach by the servant’s entrance and bring Lady Babington in through the back way. She’ll understand. If you hear Mrs. Campion, by all means keep the Lady out of sight. And hurry!" Thomas commanded. And just like that, once again, the Babington carriage disappeared into the night.   
Charles, you stand by, I may need your help in handling Mrs. Campion when she gets here.

“Ok, Babbers," Crowe said. "I’ll work on the ear, you work on the blood.” Abigail handed Crowe the disgusting raw sausage and watched in amazement as he took out a blob and spread it around inside Sidney’s ear. 

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Giving him a cauliflower ear.” Crowe responded. The mad scientists were gleefully back at work. 

“Give me the blood,” said Babington.

Abigail gagged when she opened the jar of disgusting pigs’ blood. Even as much as she used it in her cooking, the odor of the raw blood was just too much to take. The Lord dribbled some of the blood and she watched in horror as Mr. Parker’s white shirt soaked it up. Abigail gagged again. She started heaving when Babington decided to pour some in Sidney's hair and let it dribble down to the ear that Crowe was now working on. She grabbed the only thing available, a gorgeous, probably priceless, Japanese vase sitting on the mantlepiece and emptied the contents of her stomach into it.

Crowe, Babbers and Charles all guffawed. Abigail looked panicked and rushed to the door with the vase.

“Where - are - you - going?” Crowe asked. He could barely get the words out through his snickering. Abigail gave them all a horrified look.

“Ah, a little eau de puke always seems permeate a room after a drunken brawl,” Babington chortled. “Come back here.” A mortified Abigail walked back into the room and gently placed the vase under the table by the sofa. She wondered about the value of the vase. ‘Well,’ she thought to herself. ‘If I’m going to get fired, I might as well go out with a bang.’ She looked with amazement at Crowe’s ear creation. It was ugly. Really ugly. One of her brothers got a cauliflower ear in a tavern brawl, and it looked exactly like the one Crowe just crafted, only her brother’s cauliflower never went away.

Thomas decided, instead of dealing with the vase, it was time to go find Cynthia.

Crowe looked at the bowl Abigail had set aside and asked “What’s that?” 

“Russian caviar,” she replied. 

Crowe dipped his finger into the mixture then sucked the roe off the tip of it. “Mmmm,” Crowe said as he rolled his eyes with pleasure. “It tastes divine, but it’s not the same without the crunch.” Abigail smiled her agreement. She snatched the bowl away from Babington when he reached for it. 

“No way,” she snapped. “Mr. Crowe’s going to need this stuff to make his ear look bruised. And to give him the beginnings of a scabby scar across his face.

“Here it is!” They all looked up when Cynthia reappeared. “Sorry, I had to mix the stuff. Do I smell vomit?” she asked.   
Crowe, Babington, Abigail and Charles all started snickering. She looked at her friend. “You puked when you smelled the pig’s blood.” It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact. She knew her friend couldn’t tolerate the foul odor. “Does anybody have a small rag?” Crowe handed her his bloodied handkerchief. “You mind if I tear it?”

“Of course not,” he said as he took the fine cloth away from her. “How big do you want it?”

“A strip about an inch or two wide and then torn in half should do it.” Crowe did as he was told and handed it back to the girl. She wadded up one end and dipped it into the potion. “Where’s the blood?” Abigail handed her the jar and coughed as she caught a tiny whiff, but she managed to hold on to whatever contents remained in her stomach. “You bleed a lot when you lose a tooth.” Cynthia said answering Crowe’s questioning look. She let the bloodied tail end of the cloth dangle out of the corner of Sidney’s mouth. “You know, cut me a few more strips. I may put several of these in there to make sure he stays out.” Crowe tore more strips. She wadded all of them and dipped them in the potion and distributed them at different spots between Sidney’s gums and cheeks. It gave his face a weirdly misshapen look. She then noticed he still had his teeth, but they had been blackened. She said nothing because she wanted to be out of there before Mrs. Campion showed up. 

All of them, even Thomas and Charles gathered around Sidney to admire their handiwork. Then Charles spoke up. “My brother broke his nose once and the doctor rolled strips of cloth around some tubes and left them stuffed in his nostrils for a couple of days. I think that would complete the picture.”

“Where are we going to find tubing now?” asked Crowe. Eliza’s going to be here any minute. Cynthia looked towards Sidney’s desk, jumped up, rushed over and grabbed a couple of quills out of the holder. 

“Ah, Ha!” she said in triumph as she held them up. 

“Bring them here,” said Charles. He pulled out his pin knife and made quick work of the quills and handed the two perfect tubes and the blunt quills back to Cynthia. She carelessly stuffed the quills in her robe pocket. She quickly wrapped the tubes in the last scraps of Crowe’s handkerchief and shoved one up each nostril. Then she smeared the caviar around his nose for another ugly side effect. She gave him the scabby scar running from his left eyebrow down across his nose to his right cheek. They all stood around Sidney’s form snickering and snorting, admiring their group efforts. But their mirth was short lived.

“WHERE IS SIDNEY!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood pudding is sort of a savory sausage made from the leavings of a pig, and, of course, pigs blood.
> 
> I know there are a lot of inaccuracies here, but I just decided to 'go with the flow.' Consider this the Saturday Night Live of the Sanditon world. Anything goes. Hope you enjoy it.


	5. SIDNEY!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have the stars really aligned for Sidney?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to tell all of you thank-you for your kind comments. I'm having trouble answering all of them and still being able to finish the chapter. I have read every one of them, and they are greatly appreciated.
> 
> I hope this slapstick is not wearing thin.
> 
> I'm sorry this is so short. I wanted to get Eliza out of the house before I ended it, but the day has gotten away from me, so I hope you can take a short 'teaser' chapter.

SIDNEY

“Good evening, Mrs. Campion,” Charles said with the smoothness and composure of a seasoned butler. “Can I give Mr. Parker a message for you.” He held his hand out for what he knew would be a non-existent written note. Eliza slapped his hand away. He took in her disheveled appearance. She wore a coat, and a pair of shoes, but he noticed her stockings still contained the remnants of manure. Remembering what she wore when she came down her stairs, he wondered what she had on underneath the coat. She looked tiny wrapped in it. There seemed to be no indication that the petticoat she wore when she confronted him was underneath.

“When did they make YOU head butler?” she snapped standing inches from his face as he blocked her way into the front hall. “I deliver my own messages…IN PERSON!” Thomas knew he would not be able to hold her long, but every second that she was contained gave the others the chance to vacate the study through the adjoining library door. Thank god they didn’t light the candles, and the library was completely dark. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Campion, but Mr. Parker is indi…..”

“INDISPOSED.” She shouted completing his sentence, her eyes wild with fury. “Well bugger that. SIDNEY! SIDNEY! GET OUT HERE! YOU CAN’T HIDE IN THERE FOREVER!” 

Just then a cool, calm and collected Thomas floated into the hallway and quietly closed the study door behind him. He stood by the door. His face blank and unreadable. “Mrs. Campion,” he said in a low quiet voice that reverberated through the hallway showing absolutely no sign that there may be chaos in the room behind him nor of the howling wind standing by the front door in front of him.

******

SIDNEY! 

For a split second everyone in the study froze. The only sound was Sidney’s loud snoring. Crowe noticed Sidney’s tongue starting to run over his covered teeth again, and he moved quickly to stuff the offending appendage back to where it belonged. That single quick movement flipped the switch, and the room erupted into a silent pandemonium. Babington grabbed the bowl of what was left of the caviar. And rushed to the dark library. A woman gasped as he plowed into her. “Ester?” he whispered. He would know his wife’s scent and her gasp anywhere. Joey had successfully brought the Lady up through the servant’s quarters, and the kitchen and into the dining room. They managed to cross the hall into the library right before Eliza stormed the front door. He quickly moved his wife away from the door because he didn’t know who would be coming through and how fast. 

Abigail picked up the closest thing at hand which happened to be the unopened jar of pig’s blood. She suppressed the urge to gag as she raced to the library. She tripped over Sidney’s boots and spilled the blood down the front of her robe and onto the exposed floor. She looked at Crowe in horror, and he frantically waved her into the library. A cough escaped her mouth, and Crowe started coughing hoping it would be enough to drown out her gags.

Cynthia grabbed her herbal formula and what was left of the blood pudding and raced to the library, but she looked back before stepping through the door, and noticed the pointless quill sitting on the floor next to Sidney. She handed the containers to the Lord and raced back to the sofa to collect it. As she hurried around the end table, she inadvertently kicked the puke vase. She, too tripped as she rushed to right it, and found herself with one hand between Sidney’s legs, the other on his stomach and her face just inches from the Sidney Parker that lived below the belt. She couldn’t move. Almost as if her hand acted on its own, she softly opened and closed her fingers on his stomach. Oh god, his stomach she moaned inwardly. But then, to her horror, she noticed that Sidney was starting to “awaken.” She was shocked out of her reverie when the door slammed opened. Cynthia turned her head sideways and locked eyes with the enraged Eliza. 

“SIDNEY!!!”


	6. Mr. Crowe Lands a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little heated in the study.
> 
> Thomas keeps his cool.
> 
> Cynthia saves the day.
> 
> Crowe is about to 'take one' for the team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't get over all your comments. I'm glad I've been able to make you laugh. You've made me laugh as well. 
> 
> To Cynthia, I want to thank you for the inspiration for Cynthia! I hope you don't mind I used your words.
> 
> As I've said before, I've never been a fan of slapstick - ever. I don't know where all this is all coming from. I intended only 2 or 3 chapters, but every time I'm in my car new scenarios come to me that make me actually laugh out loud. You don't know how thrilling it is to think these zany ideas are making you laugh as well. As long as you guys are with me, I'll enjoy this ride with you! Thanks for reading!

Crowe Lands a Date

Thomas stood behind Eliza and instantly took in the situation. Having lived in the Parker household for years, he knew that Sidney spent many afternoons and nights asleep on the sofa. Having walked in on the sleeping boy hundreds of times he was well aware of situation arising in front of them. He slipped quietly around the shocked and still immobilized Eliza.

“Cynthia,” he spoke to the girl as he made his way to the wing chair facing the sofa to collect the soft wool throw draped over its arm. He hoped to draw Eliza’s attention away from Sidney. “Did he throw up again?” He asked the girl with his best ‘play along with me stare.” 

The terrified girl didn’t speak, but nodded her head quickly. “I’m sorry I had to leave you alone with that. I had to take care of a slight disruption in the front hall.” He unfurled the little blanket and draped it over Sidney with a flourish. Unfortunately, it was only long enough to cover him in the middle which was sufficient to hide the growing dilemma but not long to cover his exposed feet and chest. 

Cynthia found her voice. “I’ll run upstairs and get another blanket.” She moved to leave the room.

“Oh no you don’t,” Eliza said with menace as she stepped further into the study. Nobody leaves this room.” She moved closer to gaze at Sidney, but stopped when odors became overpowering. She glared at her snoring fiancé. His head tilted back and his mouth wide opened. But then reality settled in, and a look of horror crossed over her face. “SIDNEY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOUR TEETH ARE GONE!”

Because they both were listening for noises from the other room both Thomas and Crowe heard the muffled snorts. Crowe started coughing and Thomas make a huge show to go over and pat him on the back. “What, is your asthma coming back?” Thomas asked in a voice a bit too loud for the room. Crowe continued coughing, as Eliza moved closer.

Eliza not only took in Sidney’s missing teeth, but she also took in the ugly scabby scar across his face, the purple swollen nose and mouth and his cauliflower ear. “SIDNEY, YOU’RE UGLY! YOU’RE DISGUSTING! YOU STINK!”

“He’ll heal,” Crowe said with little enthusiasm.

“HEAL? HIS TEETH WILL NEVER HEAL! HE’S UGLY FOR LIFE! HE’S RUINED! HE’LL BE DRUMMED OUT OF THE BEAU MONDE! YOU!” She pointed a long bony finger at Crowe. “This is all YOUR fault!”

Crowe’s mouth dropped opened and he gave an innocent shrug. He took another long gulp from the brandy he had just poured himself, belched quietly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Maybe.” He didn’t want to verbally spar with her, he wanted her out of the room, out of the house.

“Why does he hang around with the likes of you?” Again, Crowe just shrugged.

“God, he’s disgusting. What did I ever see in him?” 

Sidney answered with a long loud sleep apnea snore.

“OH GOD, SIDNEY PARKER YOU DISGUSTING NEANDERTHAL, WE’RE FINISHED! OVER! I WANT OUT OF THIS ENGAGEMENT!” She started to storm from the room.

“Wait a minute,” said Crowe throwing up a silent prayer to the gods of penitent liars. “Don’t you think you should write him a note?”

“What for?” She sneered looking at Crowe suspiciously.

“Well, it will probably make him,” Crowe dropped his head and lowered his voice as in deference to the other lady in the room. “Um, you know…ahem in his britches. And, you know he vomits when he’s scared, so he will probably puke his guts out until he can get a visitation with you. A note from you could only prolong his suffering.”

Eliza shifted, she liked that idea. She walked over to Sidney’s desk and picked up one of the quills. She tried to pull open a couple of drawers, but they were locked. Thomas quietly stepped over to the credenza, pulled out some paper and a bottle of ink and laid them on the leather desk blotter, then stepped back, held his breath and prayed.

Eliza carelessly dipped the quill in the ink not worrying about drips and spots on Sidney’s desk and started writing. 

Mr. Sidney Parker:  
We’re through! You have proven yourself unworthy of marriage  
to me, and I’m breaking our engagement.  
My solicitor will draft the papers withdrawing my investment in Sanditon.  
See you and your brother in debtors’ prison.  
Eliza Campion

She turned her wrath onto Crowe. “You! You dragged Sidney into all this mess, you and Lord Babington. How dare you! Now I don’t have an escort for the ball.” She whined. She turned to storm out of the room, but turned back to Crowe. “You! You’re escorting me to the ball.”

“Me?” he looked panicked and swallowed. “I don’t have anything to wear!” He thought he would try the woman’s approach and see if he could get off.

“Yes you do. Sidney’s new shirt and waistcoat arrived today. I’m sure Thomas can take up the laces in the waistcoat and find you another pair of pants and a coat.” 

For once Crowe was speechless. He dropped his chin, nodded his head and gave her a weak salute.

As Eliza turned to leave she looked towards Sidney and froze once more with another glare of abject horror. Cynthia made a quick glance to where her face had been minutes before. Whew. No problems there. Her eyes traveled down his leg and stopped. She wanted to laugh, but instead she put her hand over mouth and gave a gasp that she hoped sounded sufficiently horrified.

“Oh – my - god!” Eliza exclaimed then cut her eyes to Thomas. “Do you dress this man? There’s a hole in Sidney’s sock.” All eyes traveled to the one offending sock, because he was only wearing one sock. Crowe wondered about that oddity because they had dragged him in barefoot. But there, bright as day, bright as a toadstool popping out of the ground after a summer rain was Sidney’s bit toe poking through the hole in his sock. “What kind of servants run this household, anyway?” She went nose to nose with the still composed Thomas. “I wonder who would hire you when the Parkers are ruined, and you had the gall to let that man out of the house with a hole in his…..

“STOP IT!” Cynthia had had enough. “I’m sick of you being a bully and shoving everyone around!” 

“Watch yourself sweet heart. Who would hire you after they find out that you perform oral ministrations on your unconscious boss.” Crowe cleared his throat and gave the girl a worried look. But he had nothing to worry about.

Cynthia stepped up to the woman with her chin raised and her hands fisted. “What will your precious Beau Monde say when they find out that the beautiful Mr. Sidney Parker would rather have his face bashed in than to spend an evening with YOU!” 

“What do you know? You’re nothing but a maid. You will always be a maid.” Thomas looked like he was ready to step in. Charles had stepped in when he heard the women exchanging words.

“You know…. I would rather be a maid than an unmarried middle-aged woman with no children, a black heart and is down to her last half dozen.” Eliza looked like she had been punched. She was not middle aged. Crowe stifled a guffaw. He was amazed that this girl stood up to Eliza Campion. His estimation of her went through the roof, and he determined to be sure that she would always have a great position.

Eliza took two menacing steps towards the girl and grabbed her arm. “When the Parkers are ruined and you’re on the street. I’ll be happy to send Mrs. Harries a glowing recommendation for you.” 

Cynthia wrenched her arm free, but when she did, Eliza’s coat fell opened and exposed her naked bottom half. “GET YOUR BONY ASS OUT OF MY FACE.” demanded Cynthia.

Eliza blustered angrily as she tried desperately to close her coat. “You’re finished!” she shouted over her shoulder as she raced out of the room. “You’re all finished! Crowe, my carriage will be here in 45 minutes. Be ready.”

The front door slammed so hard it rattled the window panes. For a moment all was quiet at Bedford place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you old enough to remember. The bony ass comment was lifted form the movie "Working Girl." I believe those were Tess McGill's (Melanie Griffith) last words to a woman very much like Eliza in personality and build, her boss, Katharine Parker (Sigorney Weaver).


	7. Gossip and Rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Susan arrive at the ball.
> 
> The women of the Beau Monde are ANGRY!!!
> 
> More trouble for Mr. Crowe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any spelling or punctuation errors. I had too good a time while writing this one. I keep saying, I don't know where all this is coming from, but it's definitely pulling me out of the winter doldrums.

Rumors and Gossip

“May I present Lady Susan Worchester and Miss Charlotte Heywood!” Susan wore a simple cream silk gown with pink piping and a stunning necklace of magenta roaldite and pink sapphires with matching earrings. Charlotte wore a bright pink watered silk gown which showed off her ample bosom with pale pink piping and a delicate Brussels lace that was patterned with hearts attached to her cuffs. Susan lent her a string of pink pearls which dropped provocatively to her cleavage. All eyes turned towards the women, well, Charlotte in particular. Everyone knew her affections towards Sidney Parker, and his towards her, and many were disappointed when Eliza Campion announced her engagement to him. But tonight they stared at the beautiful girl wondering if Miss Heywood had heard the news of Sidney Parker. Somehow word had gotten out that he had been badly beaten in the illegal fight, and that he may be missing a tooth or two. 

As she was getting ready, a servant told Susan that Sidney had been in a fight, but she had so little information to add that the Lady decided not to say anything to Charlotte. She knew that Mrs. Maudsley’s ball would be a hive of information. She would have to listen carefully so she could spin the rumors to Charlotte and Sidney’s benefits. But once she started mingling with the Beau Monde she decided that there would be no need to put her spin on things, that the rumor had already flown the coop and taken on a life of its own. She would just have to sit back and enjoy the show. They hadn’t been on the floor for five minutes when she noticed Charlotte down her second glass of wine. “Take it easy,” she whispered to dear friend. “The night hasn’t even started.”

Charlotte looked pale and she was about to cry. “Someone just told me he’s dead.”

“Oh, tut. If he were dead, we would have heard, and half the women here would be wearing black. Sidney’s fine. Keep your ears open. I’d like to see how all this plays out with Mrs. C.”

Charlotte nodded and grabbed another glass of wine, but this time she simply held onto it. She needed something to keep her fingers busy. She could pull off smiling and being sociable, but she couldn’t bring herself to dance.

“Charlotte,” Susan later whispered in the girl’s ear, “You’ll get more information on Sidney if you talk with the men. Your best way to accomplish that is to dance.” As she spoke Susan had an odd feeling. The noise level didn’t seem to be quite as high as it normally was for one of Mrs. Maudsley’s routs. As she looked around it occurred to her that there seemed to be twice as many women here as men. ‘Certainly they all didn’t come unescorted.’

Charlotte stood with a group of people, several of whom were Eliza’s friends. She waited for snide comments to be directed towards her, but all they could talk about was Sidney Parker. 

“Well, I heard he broke his nose.”  
“I heard his face is unrecognizable.”  
“I heard he lost ALL his front teeth”  
“But I heard that Crowe was crawling around on the floor looking for the teeth and he was going to try to put them back.”  
“I heard you have to get them in quickly, or it doesn’t work.”  
“Well, there’s one tooth he’s not going to get back,” said Mr. Larkin, the only man standing with the group. The others waited with baited breath for him to continue. He actually saw the fight! A perfect first-hand witness. “When I stepped aside to get out of Crowe’s way, I stepped on the tooth and crushed it.”  
In unison, the group sucked in a massive gasp. “You crushed one of Sidney Parker’s teeth?” his wife asked, her words dripping with venom. Mr. Larkin swallowed. He thought he had avoided his wife’s wrath because he made it home in plenty of time to get ready for the ball. He realized he had been mistaken. As he looked around the group every eye shot daggers at him. He decided it was time to join the rest of the men in the gaming rooms. He heard they had to bring in more tables because more men were gambling tonight trying to avoid their wives.  
“Excuse me, ladies,” he bowed politely to the women and turned to leave, but he froze when he heard the next words.

“May I present the Baron Hans Schmidt von Questenburg.”

***********

Meanwhile Bedford Place was filled with a cacophony of voices and laughter. Charles actually ran to lock the front door behind Eliza. He was truly afraid of that woman. 

Though she was snorting with mirth, Ester stepped out of the library first looking like she was born to be a Lady. Well, except for her hair which had been knocked out of place in the dark. By whom was anyone’s guess. Because she hated reds and pinks she chose a simple lapis blue silk for her gown with few adornments. She made an exception for a massive heart shaped pink topaz surrounded by small diamonds which hung by a simple fine gold chain. Thomas quickly stepped up to guide her around the spilled blood. She gasped and gagged at the foul odor and sight of the puddle, which was still seeping slowly across the floor. She walked over to the sofa and gazed on Sidney’s face with horror. Babbers told her about the fight but little else in their carriage ride to Bedford Place. She gawked at his destroyed mouth then turned and looked at her husband in horror. A look of fury crossed her face when he couldn’t contain his snickering. Crowe looked on with amazement at their unspoken conversation. 

Babington’s neck finally reddened and he had the good sense to look abashed. He gave her a penitent shrug and said, “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Worked? At what cost? Look at him. He has no teeth.”  
“Don’t worry about those, Crowe can fix them.”   
Crowe cautiously raised his eyebrows and nodded. Ester was another woman he didn’t want to lock verbal horns with.

Her gaze traveled down Sidney’s body, and she paled when she saw his foot. “He has a hole in his sock!” she said in horror with a quick quelling glance towards Thomas. Every eye in the room fixated on Sidney’s big toe as if that was the most horrible thing to happen to him that afternoon. Babington snorted, and the others started snickering as well, but were quickly silenced by Ester’s furious glare. 

Crowe stepped over to Sidney’s boots giving poor Abigail who now wore only her nightgown, what he hoped was a supportive smile. He reached down and picked up a perfectly elegant, matching pair of socks. He shifted his look back to Sidney’s big toe. “Where the hell did THAT come from?” Everybody turned when they heard the snickering by the library door, but Joey sobered quickly when he saw every eye on him and realized that the big toe was a much worse offence than the blacked-out teeth. He took a tentative step into the room. “I’m sorry,” he said ashamed of his actions. "Everybody else was having so much fun, I thought I’d join in. I was going to put it in Cynthia’s mend pile, but forgot. When everybody was running around collecting things I put my hand in my pocket, and there it was. Nobody was in the room so I just slipped it on.”

“My god, Joey!” said Cynthia with disgust. “You put your filthy sock on Sidney Parker’s foot?”

“They weren’t dirty,” he protested.

Cynthia snorted. “You only change your socks when they need mending, and by then they’re so stiff you can break them.” 

Everybody looked back at Sidney’s big toe, and they all looked like they wanted to reach down and scratch their feet. Who was going to peel it off? Joey obviously wasn’t going to volunteer.

Just then they heard loud frantic pounding at the front door. Charles went to investigate. 

“SIDNEY! Sidney?????? SIDNEEEEE!!!!!!

Crowe dropped his head, pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He realized he had prayed more this afternoon than he had since his communion. ‘Lord, how am I to handle Tom?’


	8. The Death Sentence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom shows up, and Tom behaves like Tom.
> 
> Joey is smarter than we think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the rating on this because I realized that it may get a bit racy. Not terribly graphic, but not ready for prime time.
> 
> This is a short chapter because I wanted to get Tom out of the way and get on with Crowe and Eliza.

“SIDNEY!!!” Tom’s voice bounced off the walls as he raced frantically through the house shouting for his brother. He blew right past the study and ran up the stairs. “SIDNEEEEEY!!! Oh my god!” everyone heard him exclaim as he found his way into Sidney’s room and saw his ball clothes still laid out on the bed. Tom raced from room to room opening and slamming doors as he rushed through the house in a manic panic. “SIDNEY, SIDNEY, SIDNEY, SIDNEY…..” he went on and on in ad nauseum.

Ester heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes. She stepped quietly into the hall and waited, her arms crossed loosely but elegantly across her chest, her head tilted, her eyes slightly narrowed and her lips drawn into a tight smirk. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she rolled her eyes again when she heard, “SIDNEY, you’ll be late! Everybody’s already there! You’ve got to pick up Eliza and go promote Sanditon! I put some cards in your waistcoat pocket! Oh god, oh god, oh god……”

“TOM!” Ester shouted over the megalomaniac’s noise. Everybody in the study stood at attention. No one had ever heard her raise her voice before, not even her own husband. ‘Tom’s going to die tonight,’ thought Crowe.

“ESTER! ESTER! Oh thank god! Thank god! Thank god you’re here. Where is Sidney? I came all the way from Sanditon, and he’s not here to support me!” It didn’t occur to him to let Sidney know he was coming. Tom’s eyes were wild with fright and his hair stood on end. He must have caught his waistcoat on something because several buttons were ripped off, and there was a big gaping hole in the middle exposing a bit of bare midriff where his shirt had been yanked out of his trousers. 

Ester lifted her chin and gave Tom her signature look out of the corner of her eye. She stepped back and unfurled an elegant arm directing Tom into the study. Nobody spoke.

“Sidney! Sidney! Oh my god! Are you drunk? Only a drunk man would wear a sock like that.” Tom fixated on the big toe for several seconds before he moved his eyes to Sidney’s face. Everyone, except for Sidney and Ester, shook with mirth. All making Herculean efforts to contain their laughter. “SIDNEY!!!” Tom’s voice cracked like a teenager going through puberty. “SIDNEY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! OH MY GOD! YOU’VE RUINED YOURSELF! ELIZA WILL NEVER MARRY YOU WITHOUT YOUR TEETH! YOU’VE RUINED SANDITON!” Tom stepped towards his brother, but the odor stopped him. Tears started running down his cheeks as he took in Sidney’s once beautiful face. He washed his hands over his own face and ran his fingers through his hair, and he said more quietly, “Oh my god, I’m ruined, Sanditon is ruined.” 

Knowing that nobody paid any attention to the house boy, Joey, remembering the lessons that his brother taught him before he was sent to jail, casually stepped over to Sidney’s desk. With an amazing sleight of hand, he slipped the paper off the desk and shoved it into the ample folds of his night shirt. Thomas, with an equally impressive sleight of hand retrieved the paper as Joey stepped beside him and secreted the letter into a deep pocket inside his coat. Tom was still mumbling about his losses.

Thomas stepped over to the distraught man, and in a voice that sounded like he was trying to talk a mad man away from the ledge, said “Come, Mr. Parker. Let’s get you ready. You’ll do fine promoting Sanditon on your own.”

Tom looked at Babington and Crowe. “You all are still on tonight?”

Both men groaned inwardly but nodded. Ester simply rolled her eyes. 

“Good! Good! Here.” He handed both them a small stack of cards then followed Thomas out of the room. Amazingly ten minutes later Tom came rushing down the steps looking immaculate. Charles helped him with his overcoat, handed him his hat, opened the door and bade him goodnight. But before Tom stepped through the door he yelled back, "Abigail, how about fixing some of your blood pudding for breakfast tomorrow." Once Tom was out of the house everybody breathed yet another sigh of relief and burst into more peals of laughter. 

“Come Mr. Crowe. We better get you ready.” Said Thomas. Crowe followed him out of the study with much less enthusiasm than Tom. “I’m sorry you have to take one for the team, lad, but I think you’ll save the day.” Thomas tried to offer some encouragement, but it felt as if he was sending the young man into a hopeless battle. He managed to tighten the laces on the waistcoat, which at the last minute, Eliza added a thin trim of lace around the edges, and it was a decent fit. Thomas managed to find some of Sidney’s ball clothing from before he went to Antigua, and because they were so elegantly tailored, they were still in style. 

Fifteen minutes later a respectable looking Crowe stepped into the study. Seeing the vest with the added lace, Babington started to snicker, but Crowe frowned and pointed a finger at him and said, “Don’t even think about it.” Babbers caught the message loud and clear and stifled any more laughter directed at Crowe. Just then there was a loud knocking at the front door. Cynthia put a hand on his arm to stop him, rose up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Good luck. I’ll wait up for you,” she said without out a hint of cheekiness. At that moment as he gazed down at the girl’s honest eyes as she stood in her ruined night clothes. More than just his heart swelled. He gave her one of his rare genuine smiles, and softly saluted her. Then turned and headed for the waiting carriage. For the second time that evening another man left the house looking like he had just been handed a death sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be throwing one more person into the mix. Can you guess who?


	9. Go Back into Hiding, Buddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowe barely survives the carriage ride to the ball.  
> Crowe gets an eyeful and earful of interesting information.  
> Crowe's beginning to look like a savior..... at least in the eyes of the beau monde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel I need to give you guys a warning. This chapter has some pretty crude situations. It does contain necessary information, so you decide. 
> 
> I also want to thank everybody for their fabulous comments. You guys are the ones who have provided the inspirations and have made this story so much fun to write. Thank you.

Go Back into Hiding, Buddy

Crowe sighed as he climbed into Eliza’s carriage. How was he going to survive the night? He thought about Sidney and wondered if maybe he should have removed all of his ‘injuries’ before he left the house. He thought about his waistcoat and heaved another deep sigh. He thought about Cynthia - her touch, her sweet kiss and the shape of her ass as she leaned over Sidney, and instantly felt himself tighten. ‘Better save that thought till later,’ he said to himself. He thought of the huge footman standing directly behind him and was glad for the cover of the carriage. He thought of Eliza and her note and felt that all in all it had been a successful night. THE NOTE! Oh god, he groaned inwardly. Would he get back in time to retrieve it before Tom came home? A bolt of panic flashed through his body and he considered telling the coachman to turn around, but he stayed his course. Nothing to do about it now.

When they pulled into the circle outside the Campion estate, the footman jumped down and opened the door for him. “Would you care to step inside, Mr. Crowe?”

“No thank-you. By the time I get my coat off I’ll have to turn around put it back on.”

“Suit yourself. It’s cold out here,” the burly man said before shutting the door and walking into the house.

Crowe looked at his surroundings. The massive house loomed black in the night sky. Blocking any view one may have of the stars. Most of its windows were unlit except for two windows on the second floor which he assumed was Eliza’s bedroom, and the front hall. A single lantern sputtered weakly outside the front door. He wondered if the place was haunted. He thought of Charles going up and knocking on that massive door. Poor kid must have been terrified. The bitter cold started seeping through his coat, but he felt a false sense of security staying in the carriage and not going into the house. Finally Eliza came outside. He didn’t step out to assist her. Better to let the footman do his job. The second she stepped into the carriage, he realized his mistake. Had he gotten out he could have been able to choose his own place after she had settled herself, which would have been as far away from her as possible. But to his horror she turned around and sat beside him. Again for the second time today he thought that this situation was not going to end well. 

“Evening,” Crowe nodded.  
“Evening,” replied Eliza.

Aside from those two words they said very little to each other. Remarkably she looked quite pretty. Her hair and makeup were perfect, and it appeared that at least now she was wearing a petticoat. She noticed him looking at her, and she smiled. He grimaced back at her. They hadn’t ridden two blocks when he felt her hand on his knee. He looked down at the offending hand, and instantly knew how a woman must feel when a man made unwanted advances towards her. He vowed to himself to be more careful about that in the future. Horror paralyzed him as the hand started working its way up his leg. He would have been way more comfortable with some type of exotic venomous spider. His stomach churned. He moved aside slightly hoping she would get the message that this was an unwanted advance, but the hand didn’t move. He gave her a dirty look, and she returned it with a dirty smile. 

“There’s no reason why we can’t have a little fun before we get there,” she purred as she ran her tongue over her lips. Crowe started to move away, but her hand tightened painfully on the inside of his thigh, the effect was now his legs were slightly spread leaving his nether regions open and vulnerable. He slammed his knees together trying to contain her hand in a vice like grip, but Eliza just smiled and her hand continued its slow creepy crawl upwards. He pulled his flask out of his pocket and took a long swallow. Eliza reached over with her other hand and gently took the flask then held it in her lap. “I think we’ve had enough to drink tonight, don’t you?” She smirked looking like she knew exactly what she was doing to him. However if she continued upwards she may come to the conclusion that Crowe was a cross dresser because his member had retreated so far that it was probably now the size of a raw oyster and just as soft. He worried he may not be able to find it if he needed to take a piss. He was desperate to do something, but what? 

He leaned over and put one hand behind her neck and the other over her hand holding his flask. His heart was pounding. As he held his hand over hers he was clueless as to do next. His thumb slid up her chest until it brushed the underside of her breast. Crowe felt her take in a deep breath. His pinky finger made circles in the deep v of her lap. As he did this, his other three fingers took a firmer grip on his flask. She slid down a little on the bench and opened her legs slightly giving him easier access. He leaned over and brushed his lips lightly over her ear and spoke her name. She let out a moan that was much louder than the situation called for. She leaned her head back licking her lips and exposing her neck for more attention while allowing her hand to continue its journey. Crowe drew in a deep breath, brushed his lips over her neck, leaned in even closer. Then he did what he hoped any other red-blooded man would do in the same situation. He farted. Not just a toot, but a massive frat boy fart that could win contests. He sat back up as if he had just experienced a release, withdrew his hand and flask from her lap and brought his other hand primly back to his own lap. He braced himself for the eruption. Eliza coughed slightly, and placed her body back in the neutral position with both hands in her lap, and said nothing. What could she say? What do people say in situations like this? Absolutely nothing. You pretend that nothing happened and hope that the offending person believes you heard nothing so that things can return to normal. But things were far from normal, and when the purple cloud of the aroma permeated the inside of the carriage even overpowering the excessive perfume she wore, Crowe knew he had hit his mark. So embarrassed was she that she couldn’t even look his way. He thought back to his school days when he sat in a dorm room with Sidney and Babbers. They were all drinking heavy stout and eating Mrs. Gearhart’s soft chocolate covered caramels and lighting the resulting farts which sent them into fits of laughter. What else was there to do on a Tuesday night at boarding school. They stopped after George Grafton’s pants caught on fire, but even that was funny. Crowe wondered about the truth of the rumor that all the hair on the other boy’s balls had been permanently singed off. Eliza had moved away from him, so he decided to keep up an artillery of sbds (silent but deadly) to hold her to her side of the bench. 

Crowe let his mind wander over the occurrences of the past couple of hours. He thought of Cynthia. The shape of her body when she was bent over Sidney’s lap, the way she joined in the fun to save her boss, the amazing way she put Eliza in her place, and her last soft touch and chaste kiss. He wanted to know more. As his mind wandered to the ‘more,’ he felt the usual pressure in his groin. He snapped quickly out of his reverie and sent admonishing thoughts downward. ‘Better go back into hiding, buddy. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out.’

By then the coach had pulled up to Mrs. Maudsley’s, and a footman stepped out, opened the door and assisted Eliza as she stepped down. Crowe breathed a sigh of relief and decided that if he couldn’t catch a ride with someone else, he would walk home. 

They had to wait to be introduced. When it was their turn the footman asked his name because he knew this man definitely was not Sidney Parker. 

“Crowe,” he responded.

The footman stepped in closer and asked quietly, “Is it mister, sir or lord?”

“Just Crowe.”

Because it was his job on the line, the footman said, “It’s imperative I get this correct.” He couldn’t call him mister if he was a lord, that would be insulting. He couldn’t call him lord or sir because he didn’t want to elevate the man above his station.

“Well then, call me Mrs. Crowe.”

The frustrated footman couldn’t believe an introduction would be so difficult and was beginning to lose his patience. He leaned in closer to Crowe and with an angry whisper he asked, “Look man, do you have a package or not?”

“I was assigned a package at birth, but I’ve had a change of heart.”

The footman glanced at the impatient frowning Eliza. Her nastiness and temper were legendary. He took pity on Crowe, and instead of announcing the man’s name first he simply called out, “May I present Mrs. Eliza Campion and Crowe.” Every person within hearing distance looked up in shock, which infuriated Eliza because she hated bad publicity. As they descended the stairs, Eliza plastered on her benign smile. Crowe took another sip from his flask.

Crowe took the first glass of wine offered to him. He followed Eliza as she made a beeline for her friends, not because he needed to be with her, but he wanted to know what the beau monde had to say about Sidney. He also noticed the lack of men in the room, but dropped that thought for the moment and joined the gossip. He saw Charlotte across the room and gave her a slight smile and a wink. But froze when he saw that she was being led to the dance floor by none other than…..the giant? The big man gave him a smile that displayed his perfect white teeth. Eliza did not miss either exchange. She looked at the big man and they locked eyes for a moment, then she coyly dropped her eyes and looked away. It irked her to see that handsome man dancing with the homely country girl when there were other women far worthier than Charlotte waiting for a partner. She couldn’t understand why all the men seemed to flock to the girl when she had absolutely nothing at all to offer. She noticed them chatting as they danced as if they had known each other since childhood. Because she wasn’t there when he was introduced, she decided he must be one of the boys from her village. God, they know how to grow those country boys. She decided to check him out later. 

Hans had been around the room enough to have heard all the gossip about Sidney Parker. He didn’t want to hear more, he avoided Eliza’s group. He noticed the skinny woman as she walked down the stairs and was surprised to discover that she was being escorted by Sidney Parker’s friend. He thought she was Parker’s fiancé. Why wasn’t she with him? He had the sinking feeling that he may have hurt Sidney Parker worse than he thought. He also had heard rumblings of another love interest. He would love to lay eyes on her, but the woman he was dancing with was an enchanting creature as well.

Liza’s group gathered around them because they wanted to hear first-hand about Sidney. 

“Did he really lose his teeth?”  
“Did the guy really bite part of his ear off.”

“I’m so sick of Sidney’s fighting I could scream!” Said Eliza abruptly as she labored to figure out how to spin all the new information she had taken in. “In fact, I told him that the engagement was off.”

Just for a moment Eliza’ popularity soared. That juicy piece news was too delicious to get second hand. All conversation within earshot ceased as everyone strained to hear this new information.

“But why?” asked Lady Quisenberry. Crowe took in the woman. She was so large an entire platoon could be tented under all the material in her dress. He looked at her thin husband, a decent fellow who ran in many of Crowe’s same circles, and Jack Sprat came to mind.

“You should see him!” snapped Eliza. “He has no teeth and a cauliflower ear, AND his socks have holes in them.” 

“You ditched Sidney because he had holes in his socks?” asked Lord Quisenberry thinking about his own socks that badly needed mending. “I heard he accepted the fight because he didn’t want to come here tonight.” Eliza flinched and frowned at this old news. It was the second time tonight she heard that Sidney did this to get out of going to the ball.

The group stared at Eliza, and she admitted “Well just one hole, but there’s another gaping hole where his front teeth used to be.”

Crowe knew Eliza had stepped in it now. He stepped back slightly so he could take in the whole show. What she failed to ever recognize was the fact that Sidney, though he really wasn’t a part of them, was THE mascot for the beau monde. He may be a bit of a rogue, but he was the most beautiful man in the city, and every woman wanted to keep him that way. They all were also wondering why, if Eliza loved the man as much as she had been saying, would she dump him for the loss of a couple of teeth.

“But I heard that Mr. Crowe could put the teeth back in if it was done quickly.” Said another of Eliza’s cronies glancing at Crowe. She looked like she was having second thoughts about her friendship with Mrs. Campion.

Crowe nodded feeling a little guilty for the lie.

“You dragged Mr. Crowe here when he could be at Bedford Place fixing Mr. Parker’s teeth?” Lady Quisenberry asked with that slight smile that the beau monde was famous for that said someone was about to go down. Words delivered so smoothly that you never felt the knife as it was driven between your shoulder blades.

Eliza sputtered. She was afraid to answer the question. She wondered if she could somehow spin this against Crowe, but she wasn’t quick enough.

“Dear,” Lady Quisenberry turned sweetly to her husband, “Would you please make sure Mr. Crowe is returned to Bedford Place immediately?” The words were spoken as a question, a simple request, but the Lord knew better. He knew he was still going to have to do penance for his supporting role in the loss of Sidney's teeth, but this gave him the opportunity to at least cut his sentence by half. 

“Certainly, my dear. With pleasure.” What he didn’t say was that he had been ready to leave the moment he walked in the door. He thought Sidney Parker had the right of it. Get your face bashed in and you would never again have to come to one of these mind-numbing events. And, he would let her think he was helping at the Parkers, but instead, the extra time would allow him to make a swing by Ms. Harries. This evening may turn out okay after all. “Mr. Crowe.” He said as he directed Crowe away from the group and towards the gaming room which was the short cut to where his carriage was parked. Sending a footman around to fetch the coachman and carriage would waste precious time.

During these exchanges Crowe said little, but scanned the crowd. He was astonished by how few men were there. It looked more like an afternoon tea party. He saw Tom rushing around the room handing out cards, but since there were no men around he was handing them to the women. He even noticed that a couple of women engaged him in conversation. He watched Charlotte dancing with the enemy. She looked chatty and engaged with her partner, but he could tell she was distracted. He would ask her about it later. 

When the two men stepped into the gaming room all conversation ceased and all inquisitive eyes were Crowe. Never before had he seen so many men in the gaming room at a ball. The smoke was so thick it stung his eyes.

“How’s Parker?” came a guilty sounding voice from across the room. Actually many of the men looked guilty and Crowe suspected all the guilty ones had bet against Sidney.

“He’ll live.”

“I heard he had all his teeth knocked out.” Came another voice.

“Not all of them.”

“Actually, I’m under strict orders to get Mr. Crowe back to Bedford Place immediately. Evidently Eliza dragged him out before he could replace the teeth.” Said Quisenberry, keen on knowing that now he would be considered a primary source for information on the biggest scandal, or tragedy, depending on how you viewed the situation, to rock the beau monde in years.

“You can fix Sidney’s teeth?” came another voice from the other side of the room. The room was silent except for the questions and answers. Everyone was concerned about Sidney, well more importantly their standings with their wives if Crowe couldn’t fix him. Every man in the room had grossly under estimated the wrath of their spouses when it came to Sidney Parker’s good looks, and the entire community of men shared in the pain.

Crowe stretched his neck and nodded. He knew he was going to regret perpetuating this particular lie. Well, actually he WAS going back to fix Sidney’s teeth. Just not the way everyone thought.

“Gotta go, Men. Duty calls.” 

He left the building in a swirl of good wishes and offers of help. As the two men stepped out into the cold night air, Crowe thought about Charlotte. What would happen if he and his friends went through all this only to have Charlotte engage herself to Sidney’s nemesis? What he didn’t see as they stepped into the night was Charlotte storming off the dance floor before the music had ended. She was in such a fury that groups of people parted like the Red Sea to let her pass.


	10. Into the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte has a major panic attack.
> 
> Charlotte dances with Hans.
> 
> Charlotte leaves the ball without even a by your leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this chapter out earlier, but got caught by time. I shortened it considerably, and it appears to end on a bad note. As you read this, please keep in mind that I originally titled it Don't Poke the Grizzly, but had to change the title when I couldn't get as far as I wanted. More coming tomorrow! 
> 
> P.S. I am loving all your comments!

Into the Night

As Charlotte stood with Susan, an icy panic slithered through her body. She felt her heart racing, and her stomach churned to such a point that she thought she was going to be sick. She kept taking deep breaths trying to suck in more air to suppress the feeling that she was suffocating. The result being that now she felt light headed and faint. She had held her third glass of wine for the past half hour, but she now lifted the glass and finished off the entire contents in one go and reached for another. She was afraid, angry and irritated by the fact that Susan was having entirely too good a time. She felt a presence behind her, and saw her friend’s face brighten. She turned to see the waistcoat buttons of a man so massive she had to bend her head upwards to see his face. He completely blocked her field of vision behind him. She barely heard Susan’s introduction. “Charlotte, this is the Prince Regent’s good friend Hans Schmidt. Hans, my dear friend Charlotte Heywood.” If she thought her feelings of several seconds ago were bad, they were tripled by this mountain of a man. 

“I was wondering if you would like to dance?” He asked as he offered her his arm. Remembering Sidney’s words of several months ago, she gave Susan a panicked glance begging her friend to stop this, but Susan simply gave her one of her enchanting smiles and sent them to the dance floor. Before she stepped onto the dance floor she noticed Mr. Crowe with Eliza. Crowe and Eliza? That pair made absolutely no sense to her. He tried to smile at her, and she thought he winked, but her body was so awash in adrenaline that she couldn’t respond. She noticed him stepping away from Eliza’s group towards the gaming room, and felt suddenly bereft of all friends. She also noticed Eliza’s icy glare which shot another wave of panic through her. She looked back at Susan for support, but her friend was talking casually with the Prince Regent. ‘Where did he come from?’ she wondered because she didn’t even know he was here tonight. This was becoming a very strange event. Because so few people were dancing, every eye in the room was drawn to the oddly matched but beautiful couple on the dance floor. They all whispered about Charlotte Heywood, and were wondering about her and Sidney’s relationship now that word had spread that Eliza had broken the engagement.

Hans stood erect facing her and bowed. She curtsied politely. He noticed as they stepped into their positions that the girl looked like a nervous wreck. He was glad that Susan had introduced him by his informal name because he didn’t want to make this enchanting creature any more nervous than she already was. 

Charlotte was horrified as they took their positions, and she heard the music start playing the same waltz she had danced with Sidney at Mrs. Maudsley’s fall rout. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she placed her left hand on his shoulder, well really his upper arm because she couldn’t reach his shoulder, and her right hand on top of his offered left hand. Though his manners were exquisite, she was still close enough to feel his body heat. She felt comforted by the fact that if she fainted he would be more than capable of catching her and carrying her off the floor. She also thought that if she stepped on his toes by accident she wouldn’t hurt him too badly. 

She relaxed a little as they began to move. She knew this waltz was really too romantic for conversation, but she didn’t think she could make it through the entire dance without a distraction. 

“I thought you were Baron von Questenburg, but Susan introduced you as Mr. Schmidt. Why?”

“You were paying attention," he said as he smiled down at her. "He felt himself getting lost in her huge brown eyes. “I find I have more fun and can meet more people if I do away with the title.”

She concentrated on being impressed by his perfect English laced with his slight German accent. She felt if she could keep talking she may be able to ward off her feelings of impending doom. “Being a Baron doesn’t attract enough people for you?”

“I’m a minor Lord, so the title really doesn’t mean much. I’m lucky to have a life that allows me to travel the world and meet exceptional people of all stations. If I insisted on using the title, I never would have met half of my best friends.” 

She smiled. She liked this man and his manner. “How do you meet Susan?”

“I met her through George,” he responded.

“George?” she asked.

“The Prince Regent.” 

She looked at the Prince standing with Susan as the two of them watched Charlotte and Hans dance. She looked up at him and said “I didn’t hear him being announced.”

“He came in through the gaming room. Many times he likes to sneak into these events. I provided the distraction with my grand entrance.”

“You came together? Where was he when you asked me to dance?”  
“Directly behind me,” he said with a grin. 

Charlotte felt herself blush. Amused by her look of horror at her gaff of ignoring the Prince Regent, he smiled pleasantly and said, “I think he’ll forgive the missed curtesy this time.” 

“What makes you so certain of that?”

“He’s my much older first cousin, our mothers are sisters.”

“Oh, your first cousin? But Susan introduced you as his friend.” she said with a curious look. 

“She introduces me both ways. I’m not sure why used the informal this time.”

“Oh, that explains everything.” She rolled her eyes and grinned at the handsome face of the man who evidently grew up with the Prince Regent.

He knew this was a superficial conversation, but she intrigued him, and he was desperate to get to know her better. He had listened to Susan and George talk about the girl that Susan was sponsoring for the season. George had told him that Charlotte matched the Lady in intellect, and personality, and that she made friends where ever she went. And, he thought to himself, she was quite easy on the eyes as he stole quick glances at Charlotte’s lovely cleavage when she wasn’t watching. 

“What brings you here for Valentine’s day? I thought this was the ball all men hated, but here you are. Look around, it seems half the men invited have already vacated the premises,” she teased. 

“George had arranged a boxing match for this afternoon, and we finished up early, so I decided to accompany him here tonight.” He really didn’t like to talk about his fighting, but if he were even to consider courting this woman, he felt it best to get that facet of his life on the table as soon as possible. He regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. 

She stiffened and asked. “And who did you fight?” 

He hesitated for a split second. “Sidney Parker,” he said cautiously studying the woman who just a second ago shared such lovely flirtations with him. He was curious when she slipped her fingers under his hand so that their palms met, and she turned his hand over. She gasped when she saw the cuts and bruises. Her sudden stop was as hard and solid as a blacksmith’s hammer slammed against an anvil. Her eyes blazed with such fury that he took a slight step backward, loosened his hold on her waist and held his palms out to her as if he thought she would explode. She turned on her heels and stormed off the dance floor. He stood for a second stunned by what had just happened. He looked over to Susan and his cousin, and they both appeared equally shocked as the tiny little 5'2" battering ram raced straight for the door. She was magnificent. People saw her coming and moved quickly to get out of her way. She blew past Susan and the Prince Regent, essentially the King of England, without even a by your leave. She flew past the evening’s hostess and disappeared into the cold night. Hans finally came to his senses and hurried to catch up with her. Only a brute would allow a lady he had just been dancing with to run out coatless and alone on a cold evening. He noticed that George had also motioned to a footman to go after her. Hans raced out of the palatial home, and saw she had already run half way down the block. His heart fell to his knees when he saw a carriage stop, a footman jump down, lift her inside and then speed off into the night.


	11. The Eye of the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another housekeeping chapter. Not quite as funny, but you always have to clean house before a party.
> 
> We learn al little more about Thomas.
> 
> We learn about Cynthia's fears and her warm fuzzy feelings towards Crowe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the housekeeping, but I kind of forgot where I put everybody, and now I have to go looking for them.

The Eye of the Storm

With Crowe gone, Thomas turned his attention to Lord Babington. “Lord Babington.” He stepped back and motioned him towards the stairs so he could hopefully dress his final man of the evening. He wondered about what to do about Sidney. They couldn’t keep him knocked out all night. Sooner or later Cynthia was going to have to remove her little potion packets. ‘Yes, potion not poison,’ he hoped. He could feel Eliza’s note against his chest, and his heart swelled with happiness for Sidney. He worried about debtors’ prison, and hoped that at least Sidney had enough friends to keep him out of it. He loved the boy. He thought of his wife he lost three years ago on Valentine’s Day and an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss washed over him. You never really get over the loss. You move on, but it was on days like this, at least earlier before all the excitement, that he felt so overcome by his feelings that he closed himself in his office and cried. He heard Sidney call his name when he walked in the house after lunch, but once the boy saw that his door was closed, he heard him say “Never mind. It’ll hold.” Then he heard Sidney’s footsteps as he ran up the stairs. He wondered if Sidney was coming in to talk to him about the fight. He wondered if he could have been able to talk him out of it. He doubted it. Cynthia had the right of it. Sidney really did rather have his face bashed in than to spend an evening with that horrid woman. All in all, he was floored that Crowe’s plan actually worked. It worked way beyond his wildest dreams. He would have been happy to simply get him out of the ball for the evening, but Mr. Crowe’s quick thinking had saved the day. As he put his hand over the letter in his jacket, he felt that he held Sidney’s heart, right next to his own and an overwhelming feeling of protectiveness flooded over him. He was proud to be the keeper of the letter, and even if he had to wear his coat to bed every night, he would gladly to do so to keep it safe from Tom. 

It had actually been a fun evening, one he wouldn’t soon forget. One he would never forget. He thought of his wife, Gladys. He could almost hear her robust laughter as she looked down upon this household tonight. He knew she would be happy with the result. He knew that Miss Heywood was the perfect match for Sidney. He knew that once Sidney married Miss Heywood he would become a man. He was a good man now, but incomplete. He looked forward to watching them grow together as a family. “Oh, stop being such a sentimental sap.”

“What?” Babington asked. Wondering what he could have possibly done to draw that sentiment out of the staid butler.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Lord Babington I was just thinking about family. I didn’t even realize I had spoken those words.”

Babington laughed. “Sentimental sap -would not be words I would use to describe you.”

“Ah! Beneath my calm exterior is a heart pounding out of my chest to protect the only family I have.”

Both men realized they were getting way to sentimental for the situation, and they set about the task of getting the lord ready for the ball. Thomas was quick and efficient. Babington laughed again. “I didn’t think you were Sidney’s valet.” 

“I’m not,” Thomas said. “But I guarantee you all of London will hear about that damn sock. I may have broken bad if one other person blamed that sock on me.” He chuckled.

“I’ll check with Lady Susan and we can put a positive spin on that sock,” chuckled Babbers.

“Run it past me before you let that one fly, please.”

Babington laughed. “What you don’t trust the rumor mill?”

Thomas chuckled again and said, “After you.” He followed the Lord down the steps. He may not be a valet, but he certainly knew how to turn out an immaculately dressed man. 

Ester, already wearing her coat, was waiting for them at the foot of the steps. Cynthia had re-pinned her hair and fixed her makeup. She was even more stunning than when she had arrived, though no one there, except for Joey, actually saw her when she did arrive. Charles helped Babington with his hat and coat, and he held the carriage door for the lord and handed Ester up to him then climbed up on the coach box with John for the second time that evening. 

Thomas took control of the remaining staff. Joey, first thing, get the blood off the floor. Cynthia, let him know what he needs. Then, Cynthia, let’s see if you can bring Mr. Parker back among the living. Abigail, if you heat the water, I’ll run it upstairs, and if Mr. Parker comes around, hopefully he can get a bath. It may take all of us to get him upstairs. He would have to think about that one. On the rare occasions he had tried to move Sidney after a bad fight or a late night out carousing with his friends, and it was like trying to move a dead horse. He picked up the puke vase and the blood jar and made quick work of emptying their contents and rinsing them. He left the vase in a safe spot to be thoroughly cleaned later. When he stepped back into the study, Cynthia had already removed the herb-soaked wads. He was amazed by how misshapen they had made his face. Though his mouth and nose were still bruised and swollen, and would remain so for several days, he was beginning to look more like a human Sidney again. 

“Cynthia,” he said. “We still don’t know who’s coming in tonight, so let’s leave the rest of him made up until we know the coast is clear.” 

She agreed with the assessment and left his head tilted backed. As she gazed on him, she thought that this really was not a flattering view of Mr. Parker, but it got him out of his engagement with the evil Mrs. C, so she would take the ugly view any day of the week. She couldn’t imagine working for the witch. If she wasn’t fired seconds after the wedding she would have quit immediately anyway. Then she felt disloyal because she really liked working for Mr. Parker. She scanned his face again and thought about her mother’s saying, ‘Powder and paint makes a gal what she ain’t,’ and she realized, looking at Sidney, that applied to men as well. It could be good or bad. As she gazed at her boss, her mind turned to Mr. Crowe. He was amazing tonight. He took control, and even in his drunken state, he still pulled off an amazing coup. She felt silly for kissing him and worried that it could be a firing offence. She thought of Eliza’s words and cringed at the thought of ending up in a boarding house. Then she thought of the smile and funny salute Mr. Crowe gave her and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he would always make sure she had a good, no great position. She couldn’t wait to see him again. She rushed around putting the room to rights. ‘god those boys could drink a lot.' She picked up an empty brandy bottle and two empty wine bottles. She shook her head. She never saw them lift a glass. She noticed that there was a shot left in the brandy bottle, and she looked around to make sure no one was looking and polished it off. She smacked her lips as she felt the burn all the way to her stomach. ‘Oh to live as the other half lives.’ She thought. As if he agreed with her Mr. Parker took another one of his loud snorty snores. She laughed. She wondered if he always snored. Then realized that with all that wadding stuffed up her nose she would probably have snorty snores, too. She heard something plop on the rug. ‘Oh, he lost his ear.’ She picked it up and stuffed it back in.


	12. The Silent Volcano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza can't help herself.
> 
> Susan, Hans and the Prince Regent go after the carriage.
> 
> At least Ester and Babington show up for the ball, but they won't stay.
> 
> Susan is not always perfect.
> 
> Susan interrogates Hans and the Prince Regent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for all your comments! I love them.
> 
> Sorry I didn't get to where I wanted to be tonight, but I promise we'll get there. 
> 
> The order of the carriages is somewhat wonky, but hopefully they all will find their ways and wind up in the proper order. 
> 
> I need to get in my car and drive! That's where most of my inspiration comes from (and you guys). Stupid ice....
> 
> There is a bit of language in this one (just a little). I'm not sure if it fits. If it doesn't, let me know what you think.

The Silent Volcano

“Miss Heywood’s been kidnapped!” Hans shouted to the people standing inside the door as he rushed back into the house. 

“Kidnapped? Miss Heywood?” Mrs. Maudsley knew it could be none other than Charlotte, but the news still stunned her. She felt dreadful that such a thing could happen on her watch.

Susan and the Prince appeared and were ready for action. 

“I ran after her, but she was half way down the block before I even got to your gate. A carriage pulled up beside her, and a footman jumped down and bundled her into the carriage!” He struggled to pull himself together. He was out of breath, guilty that his words had chased her outside, and terrified about what could happen to the enchanting girl. 

“My carriage is just outside!” Said the Prince Regent. Susan had the good sense to have both her and Charlotte’s cloaks retrieved, and she hurried out into the night following the two men. Once the coachman was given directions and the three were settled, George knocked on the roof and that carriage sped off following the path of the other carriages.

Hoping that Susan would be back soon with good news about Charlotte, Mrs. Maudsley had several servants wrap up enough food to feed a king. She didn’t think they would stay if they came back, but she certainly would make sure they were well fed when they got home.

Word spread through the upper crust like a sudden summer downpour.

“Who would kidnap that poor girl?”  
“What will Lady Susan do? They say she loves her like her own daughter.”  
“She was such a sweet girl. What happened?”  
“She was smart, too. What made her run out like that?”  
“She found out that her dance partner was the one who roughed up Sidney.”  
“Oh, I would have run from him, too.”  
“I bet she’s terrified!”  
“Where’s John… Adam…. George……” Several women asked, their eyes searching the room for their husbands.

Only two people in the room were happy about the news. Tom, who for once, was savvy enough to keep his thoughts, emotions and expressions to himself, and Eliza. She was dumb enough to smile.

“I suppose you’re happy about this news,” Lady Faye, the Duchess of Essex, said to Eliza barely containing her distain for the woman.

“Oh she’s a country girl, she can take care of herself.” Elisa said flippantly. Even now with her reputation starting to shred, and her entire position with the London ton on the line Eliza was still careless of her words.

“You think that tiny girl could defend herself against a man, maybe even more than one man?” Lady Martha, the Countess of Edenbridge asked, her eyebrows raised in surprise, but pinched in the middle in a deep scowl.

Eliza knew that she probably had imbibed a bit too much that evening, but she couldn’t help herself. “She’s a country chit,” she sneered sarcastically as she rolled her eyes, “This is an adventure for her.”

Lady Faye’s voice was cool, elegant and razor sharp. “I was a country chit.”

“I was a country chit, too,” Lady Patricia’s soft voice came from behind her.

“Me, too,” said Mrs. Miller whose husband had made a fortune in shipping people (immigrants not slaves) to and from the Americas. He had become a close advisor to the Prince Regent because of his extensive knowledge and intuition of people from all over the world and all walks of life.

Tom hadn’t heard the conversation, but he could see that Eliza was in trouble. He rushed to her aid determined to save her investment in Sanditon. “Ladies,” he said with his usual manic enthusiasm as he handed each woman a business card. “Let me tell you about Sanditon, the…..”

“I know,” said a bored Lady Faye, “the finest resort on the southeast coast.” She was too much a lady to litter Mrs. Maudsley’s floor, so she slipped the card up her sleeve, deciding to dispose of it after she returned home.

Tom’s elation soared through the roof. It was the first time ever someone had repeated his slogan. “I would love to show you around.” He bowed to the group and floated out of the room thankful that Eliza didn’t follow him. He didn’t want to lose her investment, but he didn’t want to incur the wrath of the beau monde either. What a fine line he had to tread, he thought to himself. So glad he was clever enough to do so. 

******

Minutes after the Prince’s carriage left, Babington’s carriage pulled in. “Lord Babington,” Ester said to her husband, “I knew we were late, but it looks like we may have missed the entire event.”

Babington told his coachman to wait until they could find out what was going on. It didn’t take long. Mrs. Maudsley met them at the front door. “Mrs. Maudsley,” said Babbers, “I apologize for our gross tardiness, but we had a few things to take care of at Bedford Place before we could leave.”

“Oh, Lord Babington, Ester,” a frightened Mrs. Maudsley said while clutching at the material in her skirt. “It’s awful. Miss Heywood’s been kidnapped?”

“What?” Both the Lord and Ester asked in unison. Shock evident on their faces. 

“She was dancing with Baron von Questenburg, and she stopped suddenly and stormed out of the building. We were all so surprised that before we could react she was already out of the door and running down the street.” She wrung her hands. She could be ruthless at times, but she was truly worried about the girl. 

“von Questenburg? I haven’t heard that name before,” said Ester. 

“Oh, he’s a friend of the Prince Regent. Most of the time he goes by the name of Hans Schmidt. He ran out after her, but when he got to our gate, she was already half way down the block, and he saw a carriage pull up, and couple of men bundled her into it.” She actually had tears pooling in her eyes.

“Hans Schmidt?” Babington felt his heart stop. Hans Schmidt danced with Charlotte? How could she? Didn’t she know who he was? Probably not, he thought.

Ester had the presence of mind to ask, “Do you have any idea which way they went?”

“The Prince just now left to go after the other carriage. I can’t believe he would chase after anybody, but Susan was so upset that they left immediately. A footman said he saw both carriages turn left at the end of the street. That’s all I know.” Mrs. Maudsley’s voice was unusually high pitched and it cracked.

Ester maintained her horrified look, but she smiled inwardly. Babington watched his wife and tried to mirror her expression. “Maybe we should go back to Bedford Place, change our clothes and join the search,” said Ester. Her husband nodded. He said nothing more because by her look, Ester had a plan and he didn’t want to spoil it. She would tell him in the carriage. They both told Mrs. Maudsley goodnight and that they looked forward to not missing her next rout and they turned to leave. 

“I’m sorry you couldn’t show your gown tonight, it looks lovely, said Mrs. Maudsley.

Ester smiled. “thank you. It will keep for another day.”

Babington thought to himself that ball gowns weren’t to show off at the event anyway, they were for the disrobing afterwards, and he was looking forward to getting home. The sooner the better.

“Oh, wait! We will never eat all this food, and I had the servants box up some of it up for Lady Susan. Would you see that she gets it, and keep a box for yourselves?” She turned to the footman, and he and two other servants loaded the boxes into Babington’s carriage.

Ester considered an internal eyeroll, then thought twice because she was rather hungry. “Thank-you, Mrs. Maudsley. We’ll take care of the food once we figure out what’s going on.” Babington followed his wife back to their carriage. He instructed John to follow the other carriages.

Once inside the carriage Ester smiled. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Babbers?”

“I haven’t the foggiest,” he responded slightly irritated that his wife was smiling, however she was smarter than he was, so he felt it wise to hear her out.

“Whose carriage did we pass a few minutes ago?”

“The Prince Regent’s.”

“Before that?” Ester said tapping into her shallow well of patience.

“The one we almost crashed into right after we left Bedford Place?”

This time Ester really did give him an eyeroll. 

He caught the look. “What?” he asked totally clueless as to what he was missing.

She felt she was talking to a thick-headed child. How could men be so stupid she wondered. “Did we pass any others?”

Again he looked confused, but since he felt that this was a trick question, he said very quietly and almost as a question, as if he was afraid she would hit him if he answered incorrectly, “no?”

She still rolled her eyes, but this time she breathed a slight sigh of relief. “Did you happen to see the insignia on the side?” She knew that he may have not seen it, but at the moment the carriages passed each other, the one gas lamp on the street illuminated the insignia. 

“Ester,” he said with a little growing irritation because he hated verbal parlor games, especially when sitting in a freezing carriage. “Just tell me.”

“There was a large ‘Q’ on the door.” She said this with the attitude that she was giving her husband a bone; a chance to answer at least one question correctly on his own.

Babington could never stay angry with his wife for long. He looked at her and gave her his lopsided, thick-headed, little boy grin. She smiled back. “Quisenberry.” For his correct answer, she rewarded him with a bright smile that she reserved only for him.

But Ester wasn’t finished with her interrogation just yet. “And, darling, did you see any color besides black?”

Another trick question he thought to himself, but then one corner of his mouth ticked up. He looked in his wife’s green eyes, and her quick smirk mirrored his. “Sidney’s vest,” he answered with such a look of pride that she leaned over and gave him a quick but passionate kiss. This was a surprise, he thought, because she would never start something so close to home. 

“The entire carriage was awash in pink. So, one more trick question, Lord Babington, though almost every woman probably wore pink tonight what name comes to your mind.” They locked eyes and both of them fell into a fit of school girl giggles, yes, a peer of the realm actually giggled. He didn’t have to answer the question.

Even knowing the carriage was about to stop he leaned in and kissed her like it was the first time they had ever kissed her. Minutes later Ester stepped into the light at Bedford Place looking as if she was clueless as to how her hair could have become askew for the second time this evening. She looked at her husband, a bit worried about her appearance. This time it was his turn to give her the mocking eyeroll. Babington turned back to his coachman and said in a voice loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear, “Next time you hit a pot hole that hard, you’re fired!” 

John gave Ester’s hair a quick glance and smirked at Babbers. “Yes sir, Lord Babington.”

*********

Susan allowed the two men seat themselves in the carriage first, then she took the footman’s offered hand and stepped quietly into the carriage. She spoke not a word. The Prince had conveyed his directions to the coachman, so there was no more need to talk. She was glad to see the Prince had the decency to sit on the same bench as Hans. She took an agonizing amount of time getting herself settled. This was her chance to fidget. Susan hated the thought of fidgeting, but she was so angry that she needed to let go of her anger one tiny task at a time. Occasionally she looked at both men and gave them that split-second twitch of the corners of her eyes. A movement so slight that if you were talking to her casually you wouldn’t notice it. But both men, knowing they were guilty, saw it and looked away. Several times. She made a show of draping Charlotte’s cloak over her legs for added warmth. She was damned if she would offer any warmth to the freezing men sitting across from her. She pulled one last piece of imaginary lint off her cloak then turned her full attention onto the men. She had once read about volcanos and how many of them rumbled quietly for months before major eruptions. She was conveying that thought to the men and somehow, they picked up on the vibe and avoid her gaze again. She didn’t take her cool angry eyes off of them. She looked like a head master with two terrified school boys sitting in front of her knowing that things were about to go south for them. She stared knowing that under her withering gaze one of them would talk first. Her money was on Hans. The Prince was pretty good at this game, but not as good as Susan. Hans would talk first, and then the Prince would jump in trying to defend his friend. She now turned her quiet angry eyes on Hans, and waited. She had him in her sights, and she would not shift her gaze to the Prince until she finished with the big guy. She knew Hans was feeling the quiet rumbles of the of her volcano. 

“I never hit him full force.” He said this like a man who had just been caught in a compromising position with another woman….. ‘honey it was just a kiss it didn’t mean anything.’ Her scowl deepened ever so slightly. The words ‘fuck you’ were taking a leisurely stroll around through her brain. “Really,” he defended himself, “most of my punches were to his torso. I wasn’t supposed to mess up his face.” ‘dumb shit’ another profanity just took root in her brain. The corner of her mouth away from the Prince ticked up slightly. With his last comment Hans gave away the game. It wasn’t much, but she could tell by the fact that Hans’ eyes now completely avoided hers that he knew he had made a huge mistake. 

She still hadn’t said a word but had turned her seething eyes on the Prince and raised her eyebrows an extra tick. An intense cosmic rumble spread through the interior of the carriage. The Prince sighed and looked at his perfectly manicured but freezing hands. Susan maintained her silent interrogation. He breathed another sigh as if trying to collect his thoughts. “We didn’t want to mess him up too bad, just bad enough to knock him out of commission for the ball.” And there it was. ‘fuck you dumb shit!’ She was shocked at herself for the profanity that threatened to spill from her lips. She couldn’t shut them off, but she also knew that if she did let them fly she would lose a lot of power and quite a bit of her self- respect. She had the Prince where she wanted him, and she waited patiently. “Well what do you want me to do about it? The deed is done.” Oh, she thought to herself you should have closed your mouth after the first sentence. “You want me to give him a title?” Susan tilted her head, rolled her eyes and gave him an incredulous look. “Ok, maybe not a title, but maybe a special license?” Susan turned her head to look out the window. The corner of her mouth away from the Prince gave three ticks upward. She took a deep breath, and looked at the men. She gave them a closed mouth smile – more like a grimace. But they both relaxed slightly. They knew they weren’t forgiven, but they were on the right track. They rode silently as they followed the other coach. The volcano had gone eerily silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there. I'm getting ready to start the next chapter, but I doubt it will be finished in time to post tonight. I'm sorry for leaving you in suspense, but I promise it won't be for long.


	13. Piece of Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again - Crowe to the rescue. 
> 
> Charlotte finally sees Sidney and tries to set thing right.
> 
> Sidney's assets
> 
> Charlotte takes down Hans
> 
> Susan takes down Charlotte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for posting this chapter so late. It's a long chapter and I didn't want to break it up.
> 
> I'm not sure where the humor has gone, but a righteous anger was necessary in this chapter. Charlotte takes down everybody but Thomas, Cynthia, Abigail and Crowe.
> 
> In Charlotte's conversation with Hans, I didn't want to slow down the dialogue with 'he thoughts,' so the words that are in parentheses are the thoughts that are going through Han's head as she's putting him in his place. Italics and bold do not show up, so parentheses were the best I could come up with. :)
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with this. I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> I apologize for editing errors. I'm sure there are many.

Piece of Heaven

“Who’s that?” Lord Quisenberry asked Crowe pointing to the cloud of pink racing down the street. He immediately rapped on the roof to get the coachman to slow down.

“What?” Crowe stared out the window. Whoever it was, she was flying down the street with impressive speed. Her hair had started coming loose, and she had raised her skirts enough that her petticoats and lower legs were exposed. “Good god! It’s Miss Heywood!” 

Crowe opened the door before the carriage stopped. As he started to step out, the footman jumped down off the coachman’s box. “Miss Heywood!” he called out to her. She stopped and faced him. Her chest heaved from the exertion. Much of her perfect hair had escaped its pins, with one side of it tumbling down to her shoulders. Her face red and tearstained. “Where are you going?” He knew she was upset when he saw her earlier, but a look of astonished concern crossed over his face when he thought of her fleeing the ball and running the streets all alone on a freezing cold night. “Don’t you know anything can happen to you out here?” He admonished her, but not too harshly. She started sobbing in earnest and looked like she was about to collapse. “Come,” he said kindly. He reached out for her hand as the footman lifted the distraught girl into the carriage. Her skin was freezing, and he could see the goosebumps on her chest and neck. He thought of putting her on the bench opposite him and Quisenberry, but she was so cold he decided to place her between himself and the older man. Quisenberry thumped his cane on the roof, and they continued on to Bedford Place. Though he was cold because he had left his overcoat at Mrs. Maudsley’s, he took off his tails and wrapped the coat around her. He watched her carefully as she wrapped the lapels around her face. He heard her breathe deeply, and then start to cry again. He and Quisenberry exchanged glances over her head. They both knew Miss Heywood was in a terribly compromising position. She took another deep breath and pulled her face out of the coat. 

He was totally unprepared for her question. “Is this Sidney’s coat?”

He chuckled. Only Charlotte would know Sidney’s scent off a coat that had been hanging in the man’s wardrobe for the past 10 years. “I borrowed it. Along with the waistcoat.” Charlotte looked at the waistcoat and chuckled. Good, thought Crowe, we’re on the right path. But his good feeling was short-lived when she burst into tears again. 

“Someone told me he was dead.” She was sobbing so hard she could hardly get the words out. This was new to Crowe. He didn’t know how to handle a truly distraught woman. He looked at Quisenberry, but the older man shrugged his shoulders and looked just as perplexed as he was. He took a deep breath and wrapped both arms around her, held her tight and let her cry. They could worry about the impropriety of all of this later. 

“He’s not dead,” Crowe told her softly. “A little banged up, maybe, but nothing that won’t heal.”

“But everyone said he lost all his teeth, his ear was bitten off, and his nose was broken,” she wailed. 

“All fixable, I promise.”

“Well, all except for the one tooth that got crushed.” Crowe gave Quisenberry a frown that put the other man on notice that he would address that comment later.

“What difference does it make… they’re all gone,” she said woefully.

“I can fix those,” Crowe stated with authority.

“You can’t,” she said.

“I’m a man of many talents,” he told her glad that she was finally talking again.

“But what about his ear? Was it really bitten it off?” she asked her voice starting to quake again.

“His ear will be fine,” he assured her. “It’s a little swollen, but it’ll be fine.”

“Miss Heywood,” Lord Quisenberry said, “You can’t listen to rumors. Good god, a man can nick himself shaving, and by lunch time the whole world’s convinced that his valet cut his throat.” 

Both she and Crowe laughed at that one.

“He can stumble over a brick in the church yard on Sunday before services, and the entire town would say that he showed up for services drunk,” joked Crowe.

“You were drunk,” she stated flatly, but Crowe saw the beginnings of a twinkle coming back to her eyes.

“There wasn’t a drop in my flask that morning.” He teased. “I checked.”

“I believe you checked it right before you stumbled.” Said Charlotte amused.

“There still wasn’t a drop in it.” Crowe said defensively.

“I believe your reeling could be blamed on the night before.”

It was Quisenberry’s turn to give Crowe a ‘look.’ “Never argue with a woman, Crowe. She always has the upper hand, and she won’t play fair.” 

“Miss Heywood, your hair.” Crowe calmly redirected the conversation. Charlotte reached up and felt what was left of her ruined hairdo, and a pin fell in Crowe’s lap. “Here’s another one,” he laughed as he plucked one that hung on her earring. She tried to give him one of Susan’s looks. Susan had been tutoring her on the myriad of different expressive looks you can give people in different situations that convey your feelings without saying a word. She thought that with eleven brothers and sisters she had perfected ‘the look,’ but Susan turned facial expressions into an artform. The look she gave Crowe blew right over him.

“That went well,” she said sarcastically, trying hard to be cheerful and not cry again.

“What?” asked Crowe.

“Susan’s been trying to teach me how to give people ‘the look.’ I just gave you one, and I failed completely.” She said trying to tease.

“I hate to disappoint you. I saw it,” which he didn’t, “and it didn’t work. Go back to school,” he grinned, glad that she was allowing herself to engage in some light-hearted banter.

“Oh don’t worry. I practice in front of my mirror every morning and evening. Did you know you can make the same expression in different lights, and it will convey an entirely different sentiment?” It was a surprise to Charlotte when she practiced. Angry eyes in the morning can become quite seductive in soft candlelight of the evening. Crowe gave her a look that if he had done it in daylight, it would have been interpreted as an eyeroll, but in the darkness of the carriage, it actually was quite seductive. 

She laughed. “Stop it. Looks like you’ve been taking facial lessons from someone as well.”

The Lord chortled. “He’s been taking lessons from my wife.” This caused them all to chuckle. “You know, Miss Heywood, you may want to try to take your hair down completely. You looked like you’ve been ravished.” Charlotte gave both men furtive glances and arched her eyebrows as if to teasingly say ‘wasn’t I?’ Both men caught that look and chuckled.

“Is that another one of Susan’s looks?” smirked Crowe.

Charlotte gave him a ‘I’ll never tell’ look, and both men smiled. 

“You know, Crow. Sidney better look out. Miss Heywood is learning from the best in the business.” These words caused Charlotte’s heart to pleasantly skip a beat, and goose bumps to rise on her neck for the second time tonight, but not from the cold. She was thankful for Crowe’s, well, no Sidney’s coat, and she buried her nose in its lapels again and breathed in his scent.

“We’re almost there, you better get the rest of the pins out,” Crowe said reaching for another hair pin. She slapped his hand away, then smiled to soften the rebuke. Though done partially in jest, the slap sent a shockwave through Crowe’s body and he was stunned by his reaction. For the second time tonight he had to send admonishments southward. ‘Ok, Buddy. I’m glad you finally decided to come out of hiding, but now is not the time to start jumping for joy.’ 

By the time they pulled up to Bedford Place, Charlotte’s hair fell around her neck and shoulders making her feel slightly warmer. She turned to the older man and said, “Lord Quisenberry, thank you,” He noticed she dropped her eyes for a moment indicating the embarrassment of her situation. 

“Miss Heywood, it’s been my extreme pleasure to help you tonight when you apparently needed it most.” She smiled. Then he teased, “And your secret is safe with me.” As if he had just lifted a crushing weight off her shoulders, she turned to him and gave him her most brilliant, guileless smile that could light up your very soul. “Sidney’s a lucky man,” He said

Crowe stepped out and offered her his hand. As she stepped down he unintentionally gave her hand a slight squeeze, and she responded with the same. 

Crowe, inwardly relieved that Buddy finally came out of hiding, turned to Charlotte and said, “Miss Heywood, you go inside, I’ll be along in a few minutes,” and he shifted his eyes towards the shrubs at the side of the house. Because she had seven brothers, she understood. She smiled and turned to go inside. 

Thomas met her at the door. “He’s in the study, Miss Heywood. He doesn’t look too well, but he’ll be fine.”

“Thank you,” she said and swallowed, worried about what she was about to find. “Oh, Thomas, Mr. Crowe is right behind me.”

She stepped quietly into the study. She stopped and took in her surroundings before she looked directly at Sidney. She noticed that the room was in good order. She expected to find it in disarray with everything that had happened. She looked at the fireplace and was glad that new logs had been laid and were burning well. She noticed that someone had placed his boots on the hearth. She had noticed the short throw on Sidney and looked around the room for another blanket. There was none. The uncomfortable looking angle of his head and neck made her wince. She took two pillows off the wing chairs and stepped behind Sidney. She realized that with all the stuffing in his nose that he probably needed to keep his head back so he could breath. Still, she lifted his head and placed the soft pillow behind it. There, that looked more comfortable. She didn’t want to look too closely at his face, so she decided to take in the rest of him. She gasped at all the dried blood on his shirt and wondered where all that blood came from. So far, she hadn’t seen a mark on him. She also didn’t detect the metallic smell of blood, but something else. Something rank. She noticed the purple heart shaped bruise on his chest, and she wanted to scream. She let her gaze follow his form to his feet and wondered why there was only one sock. She put her hand on his bare foot and drew it away quickly. His foot was freezing. She then wrapped both her tiny hands around his big foot to try to warm it. She felt so helpless. She hadn’t noticed Cynthia had crept back into the room until she shifted her gaze to the one socked foot. Charlotte gave her a quiet smile and could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. Without looking at the other girl, her voice cracked when she said, “His feet are cold, could you please go get him some clean socks?” 

“There’s a pair by the fireplace.” Cynthia went to retrieve them. Charlotte tapped down the quick flash of anger at the thought that no one bothered to cover his bare feet. She looked at the cheap ugly, dirty sock and knew instantly that it was another cruel joke played on him tonight. She pulled a footstool over to the edge of the sofa and sat down. Though she knew it was improper, she rolled the offending sock down over his ankles, then his heel, then off his toes. She flung it like a saucer into the fire, and it instantly caught flame. An indignant voice came from near the library. “Hey! That’s my sock!” Charlotte turned her head slowly and stared at the boy. He dropped his head and said “I’m sorry mum,” and immediately left the room to find something productive to do. She noticed that Abigail had quietly brought in some tea and set the tray on the tea service next to where all the spirits were kept. “Is there any vodka over there?” she asked quietly. “Yes, mum,” and the girl picked up the bottle and a glass and brought them to Charlotte. She noticed that Abigail was only in her night gown and that it, too was covered in blood. “Is there a clean cloth nearby?” Cynthia reached into her pocked and handed her one. She looked at the terrified Abigail again and said kindly “Why don’t you go upstairs, clean up and find something more comfortable to wear.” She wasn’t dismissing the girl for the evening, but she wasn’t telling her to come back, either. She would let her decide for herself. She took the vodka and poured it over Sidney’s foot, then onto the cloth and set about scrubbing away the invisible filth of that sock. She scrubbed until his foot was red then Cynthia handed her a dry cloth. Charlotte heard some commotion by the front door, but all went quiet and she assumed that Thomas had sent whoever on their way. She dried his feet, then held her hand out for the clean sock. She rolled it up and quickly maneuvered it over his foot and up his leg. Something she had done a thousand times before for her siblings. She made quick work of the other sock then looked at Cynthia. “Would you help me with his boots?” Cynthia brought them over. Because the boot garters were already loosened, they were able to fairly easily slip each boot into place then tighten the garters. Where Cynthia had put the room to physical rights, Charlotte had come in and restored the peace. Then she poured herself a healthy shot of the vodka and downed it. Not that it made her feel any better. She held up the bottle to Cynthia, but the girl cut her eyes to the study door and shook her head no. Charlotte followed her eyes, and saw the group standing in the doorway. She didn’t speak, and neither did they. She poured herself another impressive shot of the vodka. 

They all looked stunned. As if they were expecting to come into the house and find everybody celebrating, and instead they are confronted by this quiet, intimate, almost deeply religious scene. Susan dropped her head and took one step forward. “Charlotte…..” 

That one word was all it took to snap her out of herself. She glared at the group. She could feel the heat rising up her chest, neck then face. She didn’t care. She turned on the big man with such fury that the entire group took an imaginary step backward. 

“You! Can you see what you’ve done? Take a good look. Come closer and take a good look.” Hans didn’t move, but watched the girl warily. “Okay, so you’re too afraid to look at him. Figures. I heard you do this to all your victims.”

Hans tried to object, “They’re fighters…..” 

“SHUT UP! I haven’t finished.” Charlotte had never before in her life told anybody to shut up, but she wasn’t worried about etiquette at this moment. “Do you know what you’ve done?” He dropped his chin, but continued to watch her. “Look at him!” her voice almost squeaked she was so angry. “Look at his ear! He’ll never be able to hear his babies cry, or his children laugh (or your soft moans as he buries his hands in your hair and kisses you.) He’ll never be able to stand on the cliffs and hear the waves crashing (or you calling his name as your waves start crashing) He loves those things! Look at his nose! Oh God,” She paused, though she couldn’t stop the tears, she continued. “Have you ever smelled a newborn baby?” She looked at him. He said nothing. “HAVE YOU?!” He looked down and shook his head no. “Well, let me tell you what they smell like. You can brush your nose over the unbelievably soft fuzz on their heads, and you can smell heaven. Really. Newborns smell like heaven. It’s a scent so sweet that it cannot be described. Ask anybody with babies. YOU’VE ruined that for him. I can’t imagine Sidney Parker, a man who always wanted a family, not being able to experience brushing his nose over his own baby and inhaling his little piece of heaven. (nor burying his nose in your hair and smelling the myriad of heavenly scents you obviously throw off). He’ll never be able to come around the last bend on his trip home to Sanditon and smell the luscious salt air!” (nor your salt) Hans shifted uncomfortably. This woman was frightening, but she was magnificent! He laced his fingers and held his hands in front of himself. He was shocked and quite jealous to see the Prince standing in the same position.

“And his teeth! You ruined his beautiful smile! The smile he reserves only for those closest to him. You’ve robbed him of that pleasure and his family’s pleasure of experiencing it. But more he loves coming home in the afternoon and grabbing one of Abigail’s fresh apples that she always leaves out for him and he loves taking deep bites and enjoying the crunch that only a fresh apple can provide. (nor enjoy your fresh apples, either.) Hans looked like he was going to say something. “I’m not finished. He loves to sing! Not many people know that, but I’ve heard him a couple of times, and he sings with such gusto and joy, and without his front teeth, he will never again be able to make those joyous noises. (or draw them out of you). 

The room was silent for a second. One thing for sure. Her fury didn’t come about because of his loss of beauty, it came from a place where she hurt with him. His joie de vivre had been destroyed, and her heart broke for him. No one doubted her love for Sidney Park.

“You did all that to him.” Her tiny hands were balled into fists, and her heaving breasts threatened to spill out of her dress, but her fury seemed to have been spent. She didn’t notice that Crowe had moved further into the room or that Susan had moved closer to Sidney. She did notice that Thomas had moved closer to the two men in front of her. She thought that odd, but when she drew in a breath, to continue her tirade the Prince chuckled. 

In an instant her fury reignited in an explosive flash. She turned her wrath on him. King of England or not, he was laughing at her. “What’s so funny. You think this is funny? Funny? You arranged this! Why would you do this to someone who’s a friend of the woman you love?” Somebody gasped. You don’t talk to the Prince Regent like that. “Tell me what’s so funny about all of this!”

Just then she heard Susan let out a twinkling giggle. Tears of hurt formed in her eyes as she turned to the woman whom she thought was her friend. She saw Susan studying something in the palm of her hand with great curiosity. She actually had laughter in her eyes. She held out her hand and turned it slightly and dropped Sidney’s ear on the floor.

A heartbroken “Susan!” escaped Charlotte’s lips. She took two steps towards Sidney, and her world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: What the deaf man (Sidney) hears.


	14. What the Deaf Man Heard - Sidney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney's take on the events of the afternoon and evening. 
> 
> Sidney's mind is playing tricks on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late. 
> 
> I'm not sure how this is going to be received but here it is. It's quite disjointed because Sidney received a head injury, drank plenty of alcohol and slept peacefully with Cynthia's baby sleep potion. I'll be interested in your feedback. There is some racy dreaming about Charlotte, though I would not call it explicit. 
> 
> This was a tough chapter. I realized I never really tried to get inside Sidney's mind before, so I wasn't quite sure how it would work. I figured first time it would be easier if he was not in his normal state of mind. You probably wouldn't miss much if you skip through his little snippets and ramblings of thoughts from his scrambled brain. His dreams may be a little more fun.
> 
> Also, there was one question about Sidney's cauliflower ear. It was constructed with the blood pudding, not the vegetable. This is an important detail because Sidney's ear will show up later.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Thank you for all your wonderful comments. If I haven't responded, I hope too.

What the Deaf Man Heard…. Sidney

Sidney had never seen so many people packed into that bar. Not even for a Friday night fight featuring the best fighters in the city. The fact that it was an afternoon fight, scheduled so that the attendees would be able to escort their wives to Mrs. Maudsley’s Valentine’s Day ball tonight irritated him. He never liked Valentine’s day, but Eliza’s insistence that he wear that vest seemed to throw him over the edge. First, he never wore pink. Secondly, red and pink hearts….. oh well, he had no words. And thirdly, it had doily lace around its edges. He wondered if she was forcing him to wear it as some sick way to make him more submissive to her. That was a sobering thought, and he ordered more whiskey. He had already submitted to her demands for her investment in Sanditon, but she wanted more. Shylock came to mind. The pink and red of that vest made him think of the pound of flesh she was trying to extract from him. Not this afternoon. He was going to freely give his pound of flesh to someone else. He glanced at the big German fighter, rumored to have been invited here by the Prince Regent to fight him specifically. He watched the big man as he strutted around the ring and knew he was going to get the shit kicked out of him tonight, and he simply didn’t care. A bruise or two would definitely get him out of going to the ball tonight. A broken nose could possibly get him out of his sham engagement to Eliza. Being that this was going to be a bare knuckles fight, he felt very certain that he would leave the bar tonight with a permanent mark or two. He sighed and ordered another whiskey. He watched as Crowe placed money on the fight, and felt guilty because he knew his friend was going to lose, but then he thought of all the money Crowe won off his earlier fighting, and he pushed aside the guilt. He watched Crowe for a few seconds. He watched him exchange a glance with the mountain, and grimace when he turned his head away. Crowe obviously knew he was going to lose, too. Sidney saw him glance at the door several times and was certain that they both were wondering the same thing. “Where’s Babington?” He removed his top coat, waistcoat, cravat, and boots and socks, gave a half-hearted show of warming up, then turned his thoughts inwards. When he heard Crowe call Babington’s name, he looked up and met his friend’s eyes. He knew his half nod would disturb Babington, but he really didn’t have the inclination to give him more. The fight hadn’t even started and already exhaustion pushed its way through his body. He ordered another drink. He thought of that damned waistcoat, and decided that it wouldn’t bother him at all if he died tonight. ‘Stop it,” he said to himself, but tamping down that thought amongst others that were equally bad proved impossible.

He was pulled out of his sullen reverie when the bartender made the introductions. He knew nothing about this man except that he was German… well, and he would be a formidable opponent. He shook hands with Hans Schmidt, gave him a slight bow, and started moving his feet and hands when he stepped away. He couldn’t believe the giant came out flat footed with his face and upper torso unprotected. Move you bastard Sidney kept thinking. He jabbed away, but he knew his punches were about as effective as the ones landed by a six-year-old play fighting with his father. The big guy took several easy swings at Sidney, but they were easily dodged. Sidney moved slightly left, then made a quick jab. ‘Shit!” He couldn’t believe he just landed a decent punch to the giant’s face, but as he saw the big man wipe the back of his hand over his nose, look at the trace of blood then smile, he knew he had just awakened the mountain. ‘Move away, and fake coming back in for another jab. Don’t take any more swings just now.’ He stepped in, fully expecting to step away without launching a punch. “Oomph,” Sidney felt he had just been kicked in the chest by a horse. ‘shit! Can’t breathe! Fuck! Move!’ He couldn’t take in a breath. He understood the hit, and it would take him several seconds before he could take in a breath. ‘fuck’ his oxygen depleted legs could barely move. Wham! Another punch. He felt his head twist sideways painfully, and his body followed, and because he was already off balance he found himself on his knees. The mountain was talking to him, but for the moment Sidney was so stunned that he didn’t hear. ‘Just protect yourself until you can breathe again.’ He knew he was finished. The big guy was already landing punches to his torso, and he couldn’t move fast enough to avoid the punches. Sidney didn’t know if his mind was paying tricks on him, but he felt the man was toying with him. Throwing rapid-fire punches to his torso, Hans’ grunts indicating much more force than what he was landing. The German was telling him to give up the fight. ‘Shit no!’ for a second, he lost sight of his opponent, and Sidney braced for the punch that came out of nowhere and landed near his nose. He spat blood, and felt the blood running freely from his nose. ‘Shit!’ He stumbled. From somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear his friends yelling at him to stay down, but he wasn’t out, so he wasn’t staying down. He thought he heard the German tell him to stay down, but as he rolled and tried desperately to rise. ‘Did the German just offer to help an ingenue?’ As he tried in vain to process the offer he felt the man lift him off the floor, then…….

“Shit, Parker, why didn’t you stay down?” Babington?

“I told him to stay,” German accent?

‘Is that Crowe on the floor?'

‘Who’s dragging me? Babbers? The German?’

Cough, cough, ‘shit I can’t breathe,”

‘Did someone lift me into the carriage?’

‘Who am I leaning against? Who’s wiping my face? Is that Crowe’s voice by my ear? Good god, no, Crowe. Get your hands off my face.’

“….Eliza….” ‘oh fuck no, no, no’

…..Charlotte….. he recognized Crowe’s voice. He held that thought. ‘Concentrate on Charlotte…..’ 

He had the sensation he was being thrown out of a bar, and being dragged somewhere by… three men? 

‘Thomas?’ He’d know that voice anywhere. ‘good’

‘was he in bed? No, but softer than the floor’

‘god my neck hurts. Need a pillow’

‘what about Eliza?..... why are they talking about her?’

Clink….. ‘brandy… pour me one’

‘good god…. What the fuck is Crowe doing to my face? Stop!’

‘I’m Thomas’ son?’

‘Abigail? Babbers shouting? Is he stealing my servants?’

‘Babbers and Crowe laughing?’

‘Crowe wants Eliza angry? Shit no….’

‘am I really here? Pain says yes.’

‘Crowe and Babbers giggling?’

‘Shit Crowe get your hands out of my mouth! I never knew he was like that.’

‘Ouch, FUCK! My teeth are on fire?’

‘Whose fucking hands are in my mouth????’

‘Crowe TOUCHED my tongue!!! Oh good god, I’m going to gag.’

‘Crowe and Babbers laughing….. laughing….. laughing.’

‘Shit Eliza’s still coming? Who’s going to help me dress? Fuck! The waistcoat. Time to die.’

‘pork blood?’

‘Cynthia holding my hand? In her night clothes? What the fuck’s she doing?’

‘Eliza coming… promise I’ll sleep.’

‘They’re going to drug me? Oh Fuck no! no! NO! THOMAS!’

‘Cynthia a witch? Drugs babies?’

‘What did Charles do?’

‘Eliza on warpath? shoot me…’

‘Oh god, she’s coming here?’

‘Is Crowe touching my ear? God, I’m not drinking with him again.’

‘cauliflower?’

‘god what stinks?’

‘they’re pouring that shit on me…..”

‘who puked? Me?’

‘eau de puke?’

‘who’s eating MY caviar? I’ll kill them.’

‘Abigail snapped at Babbers?’

‘What the fuck is Cynthia putting in my mouth? Oh god! She’s gagging me? Oh god, am I that bad a boss? They’re going to kill m……….

‘Eliza’s here? they’re going to feed me to Eliza?’

‘Is there a banshee in the house? Oh god, Hide me!’

‘where’s everybody going? Don’t leave me with her… please! Oh god a nightmare…. 

‘Charlotte? Oh god, oh god, oh yes! OH NO! Honey you can’t… we can’t…oh god, breathe on me one more time. Oh your hand! Oh god, they’re both moving towards the same place. Charlotte! You touched my balls! Oh yes, do it again, Oh yes, oh baby, Charl………”

‘Shit baby, she caught us. You’re ruined. Oh god I’m sorry. Where are Babbers and Crowe, honey – they can help…

‘God the racket, the screeching! Oh Charlotte I want to help you, but I can’t move.’ Charlotte quickly licked her lips and gave him the most seductive smile “If she’s going to ruin us, we might as well give her something to ruin us for. Be still, my love, let me finish. Then it’s my turn.” 

‘Oh thank god, Thomas covered us with the throw! Charlotte, stay there.’  
As the world exploded around him, he and Charlotte were their own little cocoon. Oh god, let the world be damned. He pulled a naked Charlotte up and kissed her as she straddled him under the throw. Wait, honey he said I stink and I’m ugly. Let’s go to the cove and clean up. He smirked at her. She smirked back. Instantly the cold salt water embraced them as they embraced each other. Charlotte started to cough. ‘Charlotte?!’ ‘Asthma.’ She said. ‘Oh god, oh darling…. Thomas! Thomas! He’ll know what to do!’ 

“STOP IT!” ‘Oh Charlotte, I’m sorry I’ve compromised you.’

“Maybe so,” Charlotte said with a wicked smile, “but I only have a half dozen left, so for the next six months we can fuck like bunnies.”

‘Oh good god Yes! Oh and your ass is not bony, oh honey, it’s round and soft, and I would love to have it in my face anytime.’

‘Listen! Crowe drove off the banshee, and they’re all cheering. Should we join them?’

“Sidney give me the throw…….”

Through the fog, Sidney realized they were talking about a broken sock? What? Joey put it there? JOEY PUT IT ON ME??? God he’s got the grossest feet in all of London. CHARLOTTE, CHARLOTTE!!! He knew he sounded like Tom, but he was a germaphobe, and other people’s sockaphobe. Charlotte! Where is it?? “it’s on your right foot,” she said laughing. Oh God, oh god, oh god, I can’t move…..GET IT OFF!!!’ 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, Tom’s here. It will chase him out of the house. Let me distract you while he gets his eyeful.” She gave him another wicked smile as she chewed her lower lip and ran her finger down his happy trail. He spent a delightful hour…. or was it two…. or maybe three with Charlotte. 

Things were quiet. Sidney looked down at Charlotte sleeping, her head on his chest, and her hair everywhere. He thought his heart would explode with happiness. He wrapped his arms around her and hoped to keep her there for eternity.

He felt Charlotte stir, and felt her slip her fingers into his mouth and remove the marbles. ‘Marbles? How did they get there? No mind. He hadn’t slept like this in years.’ Charlotte lifted her head. “You slept like a baby. Go back to sleep for a little while. She kissed him and he felt that lovely stirring, but he quickly drifted back to sleep.

Sidney felt completely rested when he finally opened his eyes. He saw Charlotte moving around the room in her pink ball gown. He didn’t think this was a dream, though he wanted her near him. He lowered his eye lids and tried to watch her discretely. He noticed her hair was down and wondered if she wore it down at the ball, but he decided that she took it down sometime later because Susan would never let her go to a ball like that. But to him she was stunning. She turned towards him, and he closed his eyes, wanting to see what she would do. He could still picture her body in that dress. The way the skirts draped over her bum, Her tiny waist. Her fabulous bosom. He wanted to touch her. He knew he looked like hell with some kind of shit plastered over his teeth, and wadded up straws poking out of his nose, bruises on his chest and blood all over his shirt, but he waited to see how she would react to him. He was shocked when he felt her warm hands on his bare foot. He heard her sniffle, so he assumed she was crying, but she wasn’t hysterical. Then watched as she rolled the sock off his foot. That horrid sock that gave him nightmares. He watched as she chased Joey from the room with just a benign stare. He heard her talking kindly with Cynthia and Abigail, and was happy that she sent Abigail upstairs to change. He had to listen hard because something gross was blocking his right ear. The vodka was freezing, but she seemed to understand his other person’s sock phobia, and she scrubbed his foot till it was sore. He saw a look of irritation cross her face when she asked for his socks, but she quietly went about tending to his needs. He saw Susan, standing in the doorway with the prince and the giant……. The giant???? What the fuck is he doing here? In MY house? He tamped down the jealousy for the moment to watch Charlotte. He couldn’t believe how quickly she worked the socks over his feet. He thought about her massive brood and thought she probably had a lot of practice. He was surprised when she and Cynthia managed to get his boots on his feet. She had completed the task, but he had to close his eyes as she lifted her head to look at his face. He heard Susan call her name, and then Charlotte erupted. 

He saw her stride up to the giant with the same expression she used on him when they argued in the street over Georgiana. She got him. The man actually looked properly chastised. She ran down the litany of everything the man had done to him, and he was impressed that he only tried to argue with her one time. Shut up! He didn’t even think Charlotte knew the word. She was full of surprises. But what caused his heart to swell was how upset she was over his losses….. HIS losses. She wasn’t worried about the beau monde, or what other people thought, or even the loss of his uncommonly good looks. No, she was angry about him missing out on the things he loved. His love of apples, his love of the sounds and smells of the sea and the love of his babies. She knew exactly what he wanted and exactly how he would use his senses to achieve his own happiness. As she was chastising the giant another uncomfortable thought crept into his mind. Jealousy. When she talked about apples, the salt air and the waves crashing, all he could think of was the dreams he had just wakened from ten minutes before. He looked at both men with their hands politely clasped in front of themselves and he knew they were thinking the same thing. He noticed Thomas moving closer to Charlotte. Why he didn’t know. He saw Crowe moving deeper into the room. He saw Lady Quisenberry…… Lady Quisenberry? But he closed his eyes when he noticed Susan moving his way. She stood so close to him that he could feel her skirts brush against his arm and he could smell her perfume. He opened his eyes and looked at her. Her face inches from his ear. She looked at him and smiled. She reached for his ear and peeled off the offending plug and started laughing. He watched Charlotte turn towards her friend and heard his ear plop on the floor. He saw her try to take an unsteady step, and he bolted off the sofa before her eyes started to roll back. He was damned if he would let the beast touch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well, well..... What's up with the Quisenberrys? They will be dealt with fairly quickly.


	15. Lord Quisenberry Woos His Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Quisenberry has an epiphany and a change of heart.
> 
> Lady Quisenberry can't handle Sidney's ear.
> 
> Party at Parkers!!!!!!
> 
> The party moves upstairs?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm loving all your comments! Thank you! The zany humor seems to have 'gone into hiding,' but it's still in there. I do like to write, and I have several different things in the works (not fan fiction), but I seem to get to a certain point and the stories seem fall apart. This is my first shot at Fan Fiction, and what I love about it is the almost instant feedback. Even if all of a sudden things seem to fall apart, your comments and encouragements really help to push me through the fog. You make dancing in the fog fun! Thank you!
> 
> Now that I have everyone together at Bedford Place, it's time to thin the herd.
> 
> Just about all the people who will help Charlotte and Sidney are now at Bedford Place. All of them - including Hans.

Lord Quisenberry Woos His Wife

“Lord Quisenberry, I haven’t seen you here in a while.” He never liked that woman’s swarthy smile. It sucked in everybody and cared for no one. 

After his rescue of Crowe and Miss Heywood, he almost had the coachman turn around. He thought of Miss Heywood, her tears, her attempts at laughter though her heart was broken, her crazy hair, her friendship with Crowe. His coach gave her comfort, and safety, and she was thankful for it. He was thankful to be able to provide it for her. He thought of how quickly that ride could, still can, ruin her reputation completely, even without the most hateful woman in London snapping at her heels. What would happen to her if she was ruined. With such a large family, he doubted they would take her back. He felt certain Sidney would marry her, but what if he was ultimately forced to marry Eliza? Though she was a free spirit now, what would happen if reality set in. That guileless smile would be her first great asset to go. Trust? Would her heart become a piece of stone like Eliza’s? He thought not, but she certainly would keep it heavily guarded. She seemed to have a lust for adventure, and she trusted those around her to keep her safe in her endeavors. He thought of the massive family that raised her. She spent her entire youth in a cocoon surrounded by love, and yet her father, knowing full well the perils she faced, trusted her good sense enough to let her go. Then she had the good fortune to fall in love with Sidney, and the dire misfortune of Mrs. Campion slithering into her life. Anybody but Eliza. It was never enough for her to put someone in their place, she enjoyed destroying people. He sighed. He hoped that her ugly reputation had become legendary enough that people would stop paying attention to her. For years after she married, she never appeared in society. Now, recently widowed, she resurfaced. Because of her wealth and beauty, she stormed back into London society, but he hoped that now her novelty was wearing thin and her shallow misdirected gossip mongering was becoming openly evident, she would soon become passé. He felt that a lot of her jealousy directed at Miss Heywood not only involved Sidney Parker, but also her meteoric rise in society. Her personality so magical that doors automatically opened to her. She was happily received everywhere she went, and grateful for them. If she wasn’t so in love with Sidney, he would welcome her with open arms into his family if she married one of his sons. 

Could she wind up in a place like Mrs. Harries? He thought of Maggie. He often wondered about her story. She was well spoken, obviously fairly well educated, had a hysterical wit, but she was one of the boarding house ‘girls’ with no last name. He would reserve her for entire evenings, even if he only spent an hour or two with her. He wondered if she had been raised like Charlotte and was inadvertently ruined by petty gossip. A wave of shame washed over him at the thought of her. Maybe he could see her tonight even if not for the sex, but to give her a reprieve for a few hours. Maybe he could help her start a new life elsewhere.

Though he didn’t consider himself a regular, in fact, it had been over a year since he darkened the doorway of her boarding house. Mrs. Harries slimy familiarity with him irritated him. “Mrs. Harries, is Maggie available tonight?” 

“Which one?” 

If she was so familiar with him, she should know which one.

“The red head.”

“Oh, she’s no longer here.”

The meaning of her words hit him like Hans’ first punch to Sidney’s chest. He knew that most likely Maggie had gotten pregnant, and now she was living in a hell worse than this. She would have no choice, whoever boarded her now would take her baby and sell him or her to a childless lord or lady, and she would be forced back onto the streets again. He wondered if it could possibly be his child. He said nothing to the madam and left.

He instructed the coachman to take him back to Mrs. Maudsley’s. He felt doubly ashamed because he hadn’t made arrangements for Martha to get home. God, he was such a heel. He thought of Martha. Charlotte reminded him of his wife in her younger days. Their smiles, their wit, their lust for life. Their trust. Martha was always his best friend, even now, but she rarely bedded him anymore. He always blamed her. Her unwillingness to kiss him, her weight gain, and the way she guarded that small chamber in her heart that used to be held only for him. He remembered their lusty passion when they first got married. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. They spent their honeymoon on his estate in the Essex countryside. Nobody said anything when Scott was born healthy and robust eight months after their wedding. He laughed. He wondered how many other couples went abroad or to their country homes during the first year of marriage. But deep down he knew it wasn’t her fault. It was his. He remembered the night, after drinking and carousing with his friends at Mrs. Harries, that he stupidly stumbled home, and climbed into bed with his wife, still anxious for more. Even drunk, she was glad he was home, and she lifted the covers welcoming him to bed. She straddled him and kissed him passionately for only a split second. She lifted her mouth then she smelled his face and his hair. It wasn’t just cheap perfume she was smelling. She walked over to the mantle, ignored the bottles of fine port and wine and picked up the bottle of brandy. She didn’t bother to pour it into a glass, she poured the liquid straight into her mouth. She didn’t swallow. She rinsed her mouth then spat in the fire causing a sudden flare up. The mental picture of a fire breathing dragon was not lost on him. Then she took several swallows and left the room barefoot and without her robe, and for the first time in twelve years Lord Quisenberry slept alone, and he had been sleeping alone ever since.

Only a few carriages were still parked at Mrs. Maudsley’s. He ran up the steps hoping to find Martha still there. A footman met him, and when asked he was informed that she had already left with Lord Sands and his wife. He thought they were going to drop her at Bedford Place. His heart dropped to his stomach. He retrieved his and Crowe’s coats an ordered his coachman to the Parkers post haste. Oh god, what was he going to say?

“Lord Quisenberry,” the footman asked. “Did Crowe fix Mr. Parker’s teeth?” The footman had learned his lesson earlier. To him, the person he just referred to will, from now on, simply be Crowe. “I know Mrs. Maudsley will want to know.”

“I’m not sure, but Crowe seemed quite confident that he could do something.”

“Goodnight, sir. Hope all goes well.”

He retrieved his and Crowe’s coats an ordered his coachman back to the Parkers post haste. Oh god, what was he going to say to Martha?

When he arrived, it looked like the party had simply moved to Bedford Place. Babington’s carriage, the royal carriage and several other carriages he didn’t recognize, but assumed were transporting supporting staff for the prince. A footman he didn’t recognize welcomed him and took his hat and coat. “I think you’ll find everybody in the study.”

He was relieved to see Martha standing in the study doorway with the Babingtons, but stunned to hear a woman’s loud voice coming from the opened door. Charlotte’s voice? She was giving someone a piece of her mind, and he wondered who the victim may be. He couldn’t read his wife’s face. Was it shock? Amusement? Captivation? The only thing he knew was that she was showing such an intense interest of what was going on that she didn’t notice him until he took her hand and squeezed it. The smile she gave him made his heart sing. But, Martha was in rare form, and he was certain that she was frantically gathering information and taking mental notes. He heard a woman laugh, and something drop on the floor, then Charlotte called Susan’s name, and went quiet. He felt bereft when Martha let go of his hand, but shocked when she started to fall over. The quick-thinking footman and Babington helped him break her fall, and they all managed to give her a soft landing.

Good god! He’d never seen anything like it. The Prince Regent and Susan were laughing, the giant German was rushing towards Charlotte, but he was blocked by Sidney’s butler, and Sidney had catapulted himself off the sofa to catch her. What the hell? What was all that shit on his face? Crowe obviously hadn’t fixed his teeth, and his shirt was in tatters and covered with blood. Two other women he didn’t recognize were flitting around desperately trying to look useful. The one in in her night clothes moved over to Crowe, took a moment to squeeze his arm and kiss him. She said something in his ear, and he laughed and gave her a lusty look. The butler managed to catch Charlotte first and quickly handed her off to Sidney. He quickly stepped over Martha and carried her up the stairs. ‘Oh, god, Sidney, please be careful.’ Then he watched an impressive line of people rushing up after them. First the two girls, whom he assumed were servants, then Susan, then the butler, the footman, and lastly Crowe. And then to his horror the giant hesitated, then ran up the steps following the crowd. Had the party just moved upstairs? He gazed at his wife on the floor and felt sorry that they might miss the fun. Ester and Babington also stood in the hall and watched the procession. 

Ester looked at Babington and chuckled, “What are they going to do? Be witnesses to a premarital consummation?”

“Want to join them?” Babbers suggested.

“No, I think we can do just fine in the library.” By the look of Ester’s hair, Quisenberry assumed that they had already spent quality time in the library.

The Prince, where the hell was he? Quisenberry scanned the study and of course he had made his way to Sidney’s stash of fine whiskies and poured himself a rather stout glass of brandy. He looked at Quisenberry and raised the bottle as an offer. “Sure,” Just like the old days when they were in college, though he couldn’t believe he was watching the Prince Regent of England pouring him a drink. He knew he had to share at least a glass or two with him, but he really wanted to get Martha home. 

“Babbers?” the Prince waived the bottle to his old friend, and Lord Babington stepped over Martha and joined the other two men in a drink. “Good thing Hans went upstairs,” laughed the Prince, “I don’t think Sidney’s stock could keep up with him.” 

Ester sneered at her husband, but decided that after what the Prince went through they would all have to bow and scrape tonight to make sure Charlotte kept her head. She found another pillow and throw in the library and did the best she could to make the venerable Martha Quisenberry more comfortable. She noticed all the footmen had disappeared, and assumed they were avoiding having not only lift but carry Lady Quisenberry up the steps. She couldn’t blame them, but she was pleasantly surprised when Charles brought her some smelling salts. Within minutes they had the Lady sitting up and accepting Ester’s offer of some port. Then Charles, Babbers and Lord Quisenberry helped her to her feet and escorted her to one of the wing chairs by the fire.

Quisenberry took his wife’s hand and watched her as she sipped the port. He was speechless. He hadn’t really looked at her in a long time and had forgotten how beautiful she was. Her honest eyes, her hair which was now completely askew, her lips, her beautiful hands and her ample bosom. He really wanted to kiss her. He was proud of his wife, and wondered if she would allow him to woo her again. He removed a couple of hair pins that were dangling and tucked her loose curls behind her ear. He leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, “Would you let me take the rest of them out on the ride home?”

He watched as she gazed at him. She looked stunned that he would even offer. “I’ve missed you.” He made sure his whispered breath landed on her ear. 

Her amused eyebrows popped up. And she grinned. Did he detect a spark? “I’ve missed you, too.” It was his turn to look surprised.

“Gentlemen, this has been great, but I think I need to get my wife home.” He reached for her hand and laced her arm through his and happily escorted her out of Bedford Place. He thought of Charlotte. She really does improve life for everyone around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's time to get Sidney cleaned up.


	16. Will Sidney Ever Get Away from his Evening Makeup?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More madcap adventures at Bedford Place. 
> 
> Crowe is falling in love?
> 
> Charlotte awakens to the banshee.
> 
> Tom shows up with Eliza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy all of you have stuck with this story! I love your comments, and they are what keeps me going with the chapters.
> 
> I had fun with this one..... I finally discovered where this madness comes from. Redwood. The only ingredient I recognize is Bourbon. I don't know if you can do this where you are, but many of the local restaurants here are selling jars of cocktails (4 servings per jar). Wine makes me sneeze (I call it my built in alcoholism regulator), so I don't drink it. Beer - Well, I'm too old to drink beer. I NEVER drink mixed drinks, but I tried this the first time a couple of weeks ago. I got more yesterday, and now I've discovered where this madcap humor comes from. Hmmmmm - maybe I'll be able to survive this quarantine after all.

Will Sidney Ever Get Away from His Evening’s Makeup?

Sidney rushed Charlotte up the stairs, kicked open the door to the guest room she usually occupied when visiting Bedford Place, flung back the covers and laid her gently on the bed. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Oh god, she was beautiful, especially in pink. Oh how he longed to touch her. He thought of his earlier dreams. Dreams that felt so real he felt he could still taste her. His eyes roved over her body and stopped at the odd object stuck in the folds of her dress. What? He picked it up and stared at it for a second. He was pulled out of his reverie by Susan’s chuckle. “I think that dropped out of your nose.” She picked up the other one that had landed on the floor. “It’s a pretty impressive get-up your friend, Mr. Crowe, concocted.” 

Cynthia appeared carrying a large pitcher of warm water just in case Miss Heywood needed to freshen up. She put it on the night table and stepped out of the room planning to eventually make her way back to her quarters and change into regular clothes…. eventually. Abigail brought in another tea service, hoping that the ladies may finally want some. It was the third time that evening she made tea, and the first two pots went cold without the first cup being poured. She put the tea service down next to Susan, then raced back down stairs to make sure the study was in order. 

Thomas and Charles appeared both carrying buckets of hot water. “I thought you might want to clean up before you go back down stairs,” Thomas offered. “We drew a bath for you earlier, but could never get you up here. It won’t be hot, but this added hot water will make it warm enough to get you clean.” He couldn’t tell if Sidney looked so terrible because he was tired, because of his seven-day beard, or because of all the stuff that had been smeared all over his hair, face and body. Sidney sighed and looked at Charlotte, not wanting to leave her. He heard Susan laugh again. “Do you really want her to see you like this,” she chortled as she stuffed the wadded-up straw back up his nostril. He jerked his head back, but he smirked good naturedly and shook his head as he removed the offensive contraption. “I’ll stay with her,” she said. “Hurry up.”

Sidney turned and followed his two trusted servants out of the room, then Hans followed. Crowe watched the giant and wondered why he was following Sidney around, especially upstairs, but he was the only person who seemed to pay him any mind. 

*****

Crowe was the last to leave Charlotte’s room and decided to join the party in Sidney’s room. He was suspicious of the big guy, and he definitely did not want to go down stairs and explain to Lady Quisenberry where her husband may have been before she got there. He didn’t realize they had already left. He found himself alone in the hall way. With all the people around, it was remarkably quiet. Nobody was in the upstairs hallway. ‘Those guys were quick,' he thought to himself. As he made his way towards Sidney’s room, he heard his name whispered. “Mr. Crowe!” His heart stopped. There was Cynthia standing in the doorway of one of the bedrooms. He stood frozen. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. She was such a vision that he thought for a moment she was an angel. He heard her laugh softly as she stepped towards him still in her night clothes. ‘Oh, god!’ He felt a rush of adrenaline as she took his hand. Buddy made a tentative attempt of offering his services, but he had been tamped down so many times that evening that he wasn’t sure if his services would be wanted or not. Obviously, Cynthia wanted them, and that was enough to make Buddy jump for joy! He was finally in control! Crowe followed her like a happy puppy through the doorway. Once through, he reached back and quietly closed and locked the door. Then he took Cynthia’s other hand and pulled her towards him. His free hand wrapped around her waist, and he spun her around and pushed her up against the door. Crowe’s mind was awash in….. was awash in….. was awash in …. Well nothing. Buddy was obviously in control. He kissed Cynthia like he had never kissed any other woman in his entire life. Crowe was lost.

***** 

As she made her way through the study, trying to steer clear of the Prince and Lord Babington, Abigail saw Sidney’s cauliflower ear on the floor. In the mayhem, somebody had obviously stepped on it. She reached for a stick of fatwood off the hearth and scraped as much of it off the rug as possible, wrapped it in one of the cleaning cloths that Miss Heywood had dropped there, and stuffed it into her apron pocket. An ugly sprite rose through her quiet spirit, and she decided she would definitely use it later. She noticed all the boxes of food the Babingtons brought in from the ball, and decided she would start putting it all together to serve everybody breakfast. It was still dark outside, but she was certain that the sun would be coming up soon. In all the chaos of the evening before, Thomas had neglected to wind and set the mantle clock, so she had no idea what time it was. She breathed a sigh of relief and was glad that the insane evening was finally coming to an end. She picked up the empty glasses, replaced them with clean ones, and went back to Thomas’ office to retrieve more brandy because that seemed to be the drink of choice tonight. She opened one bottle and took several swallows. She grimaced. How could men drink this shit, she wondered. She picked up a couple of boxes and made her way back to the kitchen. 

*****

At last Sidney eased his sore body into the warm bath water. He closed his eyes and groaned. Thomas and Charles were ready to leave, but decide to stay simply because of the giant. They didn’t understand what he was doing there. It had taken forever for Sidney to work the sealing wax off his teeth. He had black crud all over his mouth. Hans laughed. “I’ll give you some of Mrs. Latham’s soft sealing wax, and send you some more later. It’s soft and malleable, it forms to your teeth, doesn’t leave residue, and, most importantly, it doesn’t fall apart, so you can use it again.” 

“The voice of experience,” Sidney quipped grumpily. 

“Actually, yes,” Hans said casually. “I do this stuff all the time.”

“Do what?” Sidney asked not sure he trusted this man.

“I supposedly beat up men and leave them looking like they had been run over by a herd of horses.”

“Supposedly?”

“Yes,” the big German responded as if he was talking to a six-year-old. “People hire me to come in and do exactly what I did to you this afternoon.”

Sidney looked at him cautiously. Thomas and Charles listened to every word, not sure if they were going to have to step in and defend their now vulnerable boss who was totally naked sitting in his bathtub in front of a man who had just beaten the shit out of him. Not that they didn’t want to defend him, but fighting with that man would definitely hurt. “They hire you?” Thomas finally asked.

“Yes, I consider it an art form.” He looked at Sidney and smiled. “Except for a few bruises, how badly are you really hurt?”

Sidney stumbled over his words because he really wasn’t hurt that badly, though the punch to his solar plexus still made him want to cough, and his chin and the side of his nose were still a bit tender. But, all in all he knew he had been in worse fights. “Not too bad,” Sidney said suspiciously. “You said people hire you? Who hired you for this fight? I heard rumors it was the Prince Regent.” 

“It was. He had dinner with Lord Babington one night, and evidently the Lord made an off-hand quip, a joke really, about the fact that you would rather take a beating than go to the Valentines’ Day ball in a pink vest covered in hearts.”

“Babington was involved in this?” That stung.

“Not really, he simply gave the prince the idea. Now I’m here to help you maintain the damage.”

“Maintain the damage?” Though he felt he wasn’t hurt badly, he did not want a rematch.

“Yes.”

“And how do you plan to accomplish that?”

“Theatrics, my friend.”

*****

Meanwhile in the bedroom across the hall….. Crowe had decided he had found his match. This woman took his breath away. He was dying to get her in bed, so was Buddy, so was Cynthia. Bedding this woman hadn’t even crossed his mind until just now. He knew from early on that she was special, and he wanted to get to know her better. Oh god. He pealed her off the door and pushed her towards the bed, and she responded by wrapping her legs around his hips inviting Buddy with more eagerness and enthusiasm than Crowe had ever experienced - ever! “Oh god,” he moaned. Her moans, her hair, her lips, her ass, oh god, Buddy was right there and SO happy to be there. But, Crowe relaxed his hold on her and broke the kiss. His gaze was full of longing, love and regret. “Cynthia……”

***** 

Abigail was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when she heard the commotion at the door. Only Joey was on duty, and she knew that the dam was about to break. Joey would not, could not be able to control the oncoming flood. “SIDNEY!!!! SIDNEEEEYYYY!!!!” The voice that could be heard throughout the entire house.

*****

Babington pushed the Prince into the dark library where Ester had stretched out on a sofa the hour before for a quick nap.

*****

Thomas and Charles fled Sidney’s room hoping, hoping beyond hope to be able to run interference.

*****

Crowe and Cynthia had already pulled themselves apart. They looked at each other in panic and at the same time they both whispered “SHIT!” Years later Crowe would remember that moment as one of the most romantic moments of his lifetime.

*****

“SIDNEY!!!!! Eliza’s with me, and she says after all you’ve done to her she’ll forgive what you’ve done and take you back!” After hearing that Crowe could fix Sidney’s teeth, Eliza had decided to give him a second chance. 

*****

Charlotte had come to, and was drinking the small glass of port that Susan had handed to her. Charlotte’s huge eyes looked at her friend and looked like she was going to cry. Susan laid a supporting hand on Charlotte’s arm and laughed.

*****

Babington felt like he was going to puke. Ester, now wide awake, took what she thought was her husband’s hand, but instantly discovered it was the Prince’s. George laughed. “This is turning out to be way more fun than I ever expected.”

*****

“SIDNEY! GET DOWN HERE! WE NEED TO TALK!” the voice of the banshee was back. 

“SIDNEY!!! SIDNEY!!!!, You have to talk to Eliza!” Came Tom’s manic pleading. He grabbed Eliza’s hand and raced for the stairs.

*****

The panicked Abigail flew to the back servant’s stairs and raced to Sidney’s room, praying she could get there in time.

*****

Hans grinned at Sidney, pulled a black piece of wax out of his pocket and handed it to him. “Let the games begin.” 

Sidney looked at the wax in horror. “That’s been in your mouth!?” his germaphobia kicking in. 

Hans took a flask out of his pocket and poured the 25-year-old scotch over the contraption. “Yes, and now it’s going in your mouth, my friend, and these. He pulled the two wadded quills out of Sidney’s pants pocket and shoved them up his nose.”

Sidney stood, dried himself quickly with the towel Hans handed him and contemplated having another man’s dental appliance winding up in his own mouth. He dropped the towel. Just then Abigail stormed through the door, raced to her naked boss and slapped the blood pudding ‘cauliflower’ back in his ear. Hans looked pleased, Sidney looked horrified. He looked at the girl who had compromised herself to race in to try to protect him. She had plastered herself to the wall so she would be behind the door when Tom rushed in. Her eyes were huge, and she tried to look everywhere but at him, but even she couldn't help stealing a couple of glances at him. Just then Sidney smiled and decided to play the game.

Tom stormed Sidney’s door with Eliza directly behind him. Both of them stunned to see a naked Sidney standing in his tub with his Cauliflower ear in full view, as he reached for the shirt that Hans handed to him. “Thank-you, darling,” then he turned as if he had been expecting them and gave the pair at his door his widest toothless grin, and very casually said, as if this was an everyday occurrence, “Tom, Eliza….”


	17. Sidney Holds a Business Meeting... ahem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have gone a little wonky tonight. It feels I've just led you guys into the twilight zone. 
> 
> Sidney just wants to be normal again. Tom is still trying to push Eliza.
> 
> Charlotte sleeps the night away.
> 
> The Quisenberrys are in a bit of a bind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thrilled beyond words that you have all kept up with this story. I adore your comments, and they offer an awful lot encouragement and inspiration.
> 
> Sorry, guys. I was really tired tonight, and things kind of went off the rails. If it's THAT bad, let me know, and I'll delete this and replace it with hopefully something better tomorrow. Good night, and Thanks for reading! :)

Sidney Holds a Business Meeting…ahem

“Come in,” he said casually as he stepped out of the tub. “Sit down. Talk to me.” A very naked Sidney with straws sticking out of his nose, crap in his ear and someone else’s tooth camouflage over his teeth, walked nonchalantly over to his writing desk, which was flanked by two wing chairs and sat in the larger of the two. Tom and Mrs. Campion could sort out their own seating. He crossed one ankle over his knee as casually as if he was in an afternoon meeting with a banker at a gentleman’s club, and looked at his brother and his fiancé. 

“But S-S-Sidney,” Tom blustered. “You’re….” he broke off the sentence. He was so mortified he was speechless. 

“Come, Tom. I’m intrigued to understand why you would bring a woman to my chambers in the middle of the night. Well, Here I am,” he said as he spread his arms out as if to show his brother he wasn’t armed. “I’m ready to talk,” the apparatus made him speak with a slight lisp, and he decided that that would be one other thing Eliza would hate.

Mrs. Campion couldn’t take her eyes off her fiancé. She looked at him and sucked on her lower lip. She took the chair closest to Sidney which happened to be the desk chair. She knew she had him. She let her eyes crawl all over his body, but if she was expecting to get a rise out of him, she was mistaken. It became apparent to her that to Sidney she was just another piece of furniture.

“B-b-but Sydney, you c-c-can’t talk like this!” Tom blustered. 

“Like how?” Sidney asked as if he was totally clueless as to what was unsettling his brother. He cut his eyes towards Hans indicating he wanted some brandy, and the big guy walked over to the mantle and poured him a glass without offering a drink to the other occupants in the room. He formally handed Sidney his glass, stepped over to the closest massive bed post, crossed his arms and ankles and leaned against it. 

Having heard the commotion in Sidney’s room, and knowing that Eliza must have been present, Susan got up to investigate. She stepped into the room, took in the view, then made an elegant U-turn and stepped back into the hallway. As ladylike as she was as she left the room, she couldn’t contain the dreadful snort that rose from deep within her sinuses. She looked at Crowe, stepped over to him and with a snorted whisper, she said, “He’s conducting a very important business meeting……naked.” Her voice almost squeaked on the ‘naked.’ Crowe jerked away from her with an incredulous smile. He was about to burst out laughing, when the quick-thinking Cynthia peeled off her night cap and pressed it to his face. The close proximity of her intoxicating scent instantly distracted Buddy, and Crowe followed suit. Once she had their attentions, she nodded towards the room, and Crowe swallowed and obeyed. After Crowe started for the door, Cynthia fled down the steps to warn Lord Babington and the Prince Regent that there may be fireworks. ‘Where the hell was Abigail?’

“Who’s he?” Tom asked, though terrified of the man, he tried to sound menacing while also trying to deflect his eyes away from his naked brother. He thought that maybe the fight must have caused some brain damage, and for a split second he worried about Sidney, then immediately turned his inner thoughts back to himself and Sanditon. 

“Who?” asked Sidney casually. Noticing that an astonished Crowe had just crept into the room.

Tom couldn’t speak, he gave a quick tiny twist of his head towards Hans. Hans smirked at Tom and gave him the same wicked grin he had given Sidney hours earlier. He was sorry he didn’t have his black wax guard. Tom quickly turned his eyes back to his brother, but he couldn’t look at Sidney, so he looked towards Eliza. She looked like she was having an orgasm just looking at him. 

“Him?” ask Sidney as if he had expected the beast to be invisible. “He’s my body guard.” 

When Sidney heard Tom come rushing into the house with Mrs. Campion, screaming something to do with her forgiving him and not withdrawing her investment, he figured that something was hopefully amiss with his engagement. Because he had been out cold for most of the night he felt certain that the pulled investment came from her, and in a fit of anger over his lost teeth, she broke off the engagement. He looked at her, the straws bobbling slightly threating to fall out of his nose. He felt the blood pudding trying to peel off, so he put his fingers to it as if it hurt and pushed it back into place.

“Body guard? Why would you need a body guard?” asked Tom.

With a great flourish, Sidney uncrossed his legs and took up his power position. He leaned forward, his legs in an obvious man spread, and his hands clasped casually together with his forearms resting on his thighs. He stuck out his chin slightly and gave Tom a look that actually pushed the poor man deeper into the big chair, and said, “Because you owe over 80,000 pounds to half of London, and since I’m the sensible brother, who’s no longer engaged to a wealthy woman, I’ve become a target.” 

“B-b-but, dear Eliza wants to take you back,” pleaded Tom. 

Sidney stared at his brother and laughed, really more an amused snarl, but said nothing. He wanted Tom to run his mouth. He completely ignored the banshee sitting in his writing chair, but she decided was tired of being ignored. “Oh Sidney, you were out of your mind when you broke things off, I know that, but we can work things out,” she purred knowing that she could seduce him back. Though, so far, he hadn’t even looked her way. She was thinking how much she hated him without his teeth. As if on cue, Sidney smiled at his brother knowing that from the side she could still see his missing teeth as well.

By this time Thomas stood just inside Sidney’s door. The scene in front of him shocked him, and for just a moment he had no idea how to handle the situation. He felt Eliza’s letter in his breast pocket, and absolutely knew that now was not the time to play that card. He decided to play the role of ‘quiet butler’ and stood at attention at the door waiting for orders. He would only pull out the letter without showing it to Sidney first, in a dire emergency. 

Poor Abigail was still plastered behind the door, and she prayed that the door would remain opened to keep her hidden.

“Work things out?” Crowe’s unusually clear voice rang out into the room. “YOU broke off the engagement. You even put your words into writing.” Crowe said this wondering where the hell the letter was. He hadn’t seen it since he left for the ball, and was angry with himself for not securing it before he left. “And you forced me to the ball and then seduced me in your carriage.” Poor Buddy slunk back into hiding.

“Seduce you? What woman in her right mind would seduce you?” scoffed Eliza. Cynthia, still standing outside the door, heard the comment and thought to herself ‘ME!’

“Good to know,” quipped Crowe. “I agreed entirely with that sentiments as your hand was clawing up my thigh.”

“Show me the letter,” she bluffed loudly trying to divert attention away from their ride to the ball.

“It’s under lock and key,” Thomas replied. 

“Well, GET IT!” She ordered, her voice rising as she quickly lost patience.

“I don’t have a key,” responded Thomas blandly, looking towards Sidney.

Sidney took a deep sigh, stood, and ran his hand down his inner thigh as if he was fishing for the key out of one of his deep pants pockets. He shrugged, then looked at Thomas. Thomas shrugged and looked at Crowe. Crowe shrugged and looked at Hans. The big guy shrugged, and looked at the Prince Regent who had just stepped into the room. “I have the key,” he said loud and clear and walked out, leaving every occupant in the room dumbstruck. Babington just had to look. He stuck his head through the doorway, then bolted back down the hallway to join the Prince. Neither of them could hardly contain their laughter. “Good god, I pay a lot of money to watch this stuff on stage. If I knew Bedford Place was this much fun I’d move in,” laughed the Prince. Susan joined the two men as they made their ways back to the study. She knew they were all getting hungry, but where was Abigail?

“Mrs. Campion,” Thomas’s calm quiet voice cut like a sharp knife through the quiet room. He strode over to the incensed woman, stood in front of her blocking her view of Sidney, and offered her his arm. He hated the way she ogled him, and he was determined to get her out of the house at once. “I’ll be happy to show you out.”

“You won’t show me anything,” she snapped. “I want to see that paper!” She decided that if they couldn’t show her the letter she wrote, they didn’t have it.

“Good night, Mrs. Campion,” said a weary Sidney.

“Don’t Mrs. Campion me,” she sneered. “We have a contract!”

“Sidney, you do have a contract,” said Tom who suddenly felt that the power struggle was shifting in his direction.  
Hans sighed, uncrossed his ankles, pulled himself up to his full height, and with a slight smirk, he said in a low quiet voice, not much louder than a low growl, “Don’t you think it’s time for bed, Mr. Parker?” Then he closed his mouth and stared benignly at Tom.

“B-b-but Sidney…” Tom pleaded not taking his eyes off the big man. 

Hans slightly raised one eyebrow, took a small step into the room, and his shoulders twitched slightly.

Tom gave Sidney one last pleading look, then stepped into the hallway sulking like a scolded six-year-old being sent to his room.

Eliza turned to Sidney, licked her lips and reached to run her fingers over his chest. “Mrs. Campion,” came another, more formal, stern voice. Two large footmen in royal livery stood in the doorway. “Come with us, please.” They were not going to be denied. Either she could go with them, or they would simply carry her out. Having no other choice she walked out with the men. She looked back at Sidney giving him an ‘I’ll be back glare.’ She then ogled his beautiful form one last time, and left incensed that she got absolutely no rise out of him.

Sidney’s calm demeanor worked hard to contain his rising rage. Everybody in the house tonight, but Charlotte had seen him naked. Not that he really minded, he suddenly realized there was power in nudity. But, how he wished he could have reversed the order of things. He wanted to rush into her room, slip between the sheets, rip that pink gown off of her and spend the rest of the night tangled up with each other. He sighed.

Then they heard Abigail’s quiet voice. “Mr. Parker, is it safe to come out now?” They had forgotten she was hiding behind the door. 

“Hold on,” he said slightly ashamed that she had been placed in such an awkward position. Hans laughed and tossed Sidney his pants. Thomas helped him with his shirt and cravat. They removed the cauliflower ear, and the nasal tubes and ten minutes later, after he handed the black tooth guard to Hans, he was fit to see the king. “You’re safe, now,” Sidney told her. She scurried out of her hiding spot, located the sausage in the waste basket, wrapped it in yet another cleaning cloth, then raced from the room to get breakfast ready. 

As they were making their ways to the study, Sidney, Crowe and Hans decided that if they heard Tom coming, they would sneak into another room, and everyone would tell his brother that they were trying to fix his teeth. They were all tired, but thankful that they could finally enjoy each other’s company. Everybody winced when there was yet another loud knock on the door. 

A minute later, Thomas made his way into the study. Though he spoke mainly to Sidney and Susan, everyone heard his news. “Lord and Lady Quisenberry had been arrested in the kidnapping of Charlotte Heywood.”


	18. My Thoughts Exactly

My Thoughts Exactly

Hey Guys, I was so tired last night when I finished that last chapter, that I decided to take a break today and do some housekeeping, and try to let you know what I may have been thinking when I wrote that chapter.

First off, you guys have been ABSOLUTELY amazing! I have loved every minute spent writing these chapters, and spent with you reading and replying to your wonderful comments. It’s been fun to pick up bits and pieces of ideas from you and try to weave them into the story. I consider this story as much yours as mine. Thank you.

Secondly, I was stunned that you guys liked it, loved it, but I’m still feeling a bit guilty about last night’s chapter. I know, I’ve written about Buddy and erotic dreams, etc., but I felt that I was at least affording my characters, in some kind of silly way, their privacy. Their thoughts, dreams and reactions, though you were reading about them, were still private moments to the characters in the scene. I put Sidney on full display for everybody. I could have simply had Hans close the door or have Sidney get dressed while Tom and Mrs. C stood in the doorway, but I ran with the risqué. I’m happy it worked, but I thought about it today, and wondered why I did that. (I know the obvious Sidney is beautiful no matter what form he’s presented in). 

I’ve told you that much of my inspirations come to me while I’m in the car, running errands, or simply dealing with day-to-day chores. Today was no different. I thought about my college days, and when I had a bit part in the year end “revue” at an all-male college in Virginia. Outside of elementary school and possibly middle school, that would be my first and last time I ever appeared on stage. (bear with me, please, I’m setting the stage). I was dating a guy at the time and he and his best friend convinced me to be a part of a skit his friend had written and planned to star in. I really liked the guy I was dating, so, of course, I accepted the challenge. 

I was no beauty queen. I was a horsemanship major and rode several times a day, I was on the swim team (though I wasn’t very good, I needed the credit), and I rode bikes all through the Virginia mountains. So I was fairly fit, though too short to be a model, my lips were too fat, my boobs too large, my ass too wide, and I couldn’t remember what I had for breakfast, so I was no actor, either. You get the message. Besides that, all I wanted to do was ride.

Fast forward to Revue night. The dressing room, if you could call it that, wasn’t much more than a closet with a chair, a low shelf for makeup and a mirror. There were no curtains on the windows…. AND the door didn’t lock. I managed to find a corner that at least felt private enough to change. Once down to bra and panties, there was a raucus in the hall that sounded like a bunch of guys play fighting. Of course someone ‘accidently’ bumped into my door, and 4 guys are standing there gawking at me. Of course I embarrassingly squealed like a girl, squatted down and tried to cover myself with what was available – my arms and hands. I grabbed the jar of makeup and threw it at them (it skittered pathetically across the floor, and broke when it hit the door jam, so maybe the two guys in front got some powder on their pants legs, but it seemed a wasted effort). Of course they apologized profusely, slammed the door and took off down the hall. It’s funny because their laughter was so infectious, and I laughed with them. However, I did turn off the lights to finish dressing. I really wasn’t bothered too much about it because I wore bikinis, and I had even been skinny dipping with friends (in the dark), so being seen in my underwear was not really that big deal.

Fast forward to a party later on that evening (not a cast party). I’m standing in a group with my date, his friend and a couple other guys. They started laughing about the ‘accident,’ (word of it had evidently spread fairly quickly across campus) and I laughed with them. I still laugh about it now. But for some reason I thought my date may have said something, even if he was teasing to the guys about harassing his ‘girlfriend.’ He didn’t. In fact he laughed and said, “Wish I had been there.” 

It’s one of those vivid memories that has crossed my mind ten thousand times since. It still makes me laugh, but the one thing I regret (other than being pissed that they were being assholes) was that I didn’t stand up to them, face them head on, let them get a good look at what was a fairly decent body, then live the rest of their lives knowing it was something they could never have.

Fast forward to my big revelation today. Without my knowing, last night, Sidney Parker did what I had always wished I had done. He became the big man on campus. He showed everybody he was not ashamed, and they would all have to live with knowing what they could never have. Thank-you Mr. Parker for showing me how it should have been done and putting me back in the driver’s seat. I am eternally grateful.💖💋💜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for letting me unload! If I can finish before 11 p.m. I'll put up a short chapter about the 'kidnapping' and the Quisenberrys rekindling their affections. I desperately need a good night's sleep, so I apologize if I leave you hanging another day. I'll be back at it in full swing tomorrow. 🥰💖💖


	19. A Few Questions and Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This gets a little on the serious side. 
> 
> Having heard nothing as to Charlotte's where abouts, the Maudsleys, worried about what may have happened to her, call in the constable. That's where more trouble starts brewing.
> 
> Not taking into consideration what could happen to Sidney, Eliza turns Charlotte's disappearance into a rather dark conspiracy.
> 
> The gossip mill of the London Beau Monde is roiling. Every tongue will be wagging with the news and salivating for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> throwing somebody under the coach = throwing someone under the bus.
> 
> This will get a bit serious. I always say - Like you waiting for a new chapter, I really don't know what's coming until my fingers put the words on the page. I suppose you can see the drastic difference between being stone cold sober and a tad tipsy.
> 
> Just remember this is slapstick, and there are never any unhappy endings in slapstick. Thanks for sticking with this.
> 
> I just hope I can corral these unwieldy words soon!
> 
> This is really just half the chapter that I was hoping to do today, but I was afraid I wouldn't finish it tonight, so maybe I'll give the Beau Monde 24 hours to work a little bit of magic themselves. Ummm, Maybe not.
> 
> I do believe Eliza is certifiably insane.
> 
> 💖💖💖💖😡🤞😊😍🤣🔥🤣🤣🤣

A Few Questions and Answers

“Mabel, please stop pacing!” 

“I can’t, darling, it’s been over two hours, and we haven’t heard a word from anybody.” Mabel Maudsley continued to pace the room, wringing her hands and smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles in her skirts. “I know that Eliza said something to upset her, I just know it.”

“Mabel, she was dancing with Hans right before she ran out.”

“I know, but she looked upset all night, and I saw Mrs. Campion stalking around the room, talking to her friends and glaring at Miss Heywood.”

“Mabel, everybody knows Mrs. Campion, and nobody pays any attention to her.”

“Charlotte doesn’t know her. Charlotte grew up in the country, on a farm, in the confines of a large loving family. She’s guileless, and has absolutely no defenses against a woman like that.”

“I understand she stood up to Lady Denham, and we’ve certainly heard the rumors about how she threw Sidney Parker under the London coach when he caught his ward hanging out with that rascal Molineux.”

“Yes, Lady Denham can be an absolute horror when she’s ferreting out information on people, trying to decide who is and is not worthy of her future time. And Sidney Parker. You remember him before he left for Antigua. He was a delightful boy, but the man that returned was unrecognizable. Charlotte actually made him smile again. Remember their dance at our fall rout. I don’t know about the men, but the women swooned over that dance for months. I think most of them here tonight were hoping for a repeat. I just can’t bear the thought we might not ever see her here again.”

“Darling, half the men who were here tonight are out looking for her.”

“Half the men who were here tonight are now at Mrs. Harries under the false assumptions that they are out looking for Miss Heywood,” she snapped. 

He chuckled. She was probably right about that one.

“There’s nothing funny about this. I was that same country girl when we met. Remember? I was terrified when I was introduced to the London society. The women were brutal, there were times I felt like a piece of horse manure that had been tracked into the house, but no one… no one held a candle to the way that sly, conniving and selfish Mrs. Campion has treated Miss Heywood, and we’ve all let her get away with it.” Guilty tears started flowing down her cheeks. She suddenly realized that for the first time in years she felt both helpless and ashamed.

“Oh, Mabel, come here.” He handed her his handkerchief, wrapped his arms around his wife, and kissed the top of her head. It had been a long night, and her hair pins were starting to loosen, allowing stray curls to appear around her neck and ears. He loved the look. He smoothed back a wayward curl, kissed the spot where it had hung the second before and asked, “Do you want me to send a footman for the constable?” Without moving her head off his chest, she nodded.

*******

“Mr. Maudsley, can you tell us what happened?” The patient, tired looking constable pulled a pencil and small journal out of his coat pocket. He had never been in a house like this before. He was dreading the extra-long hard hours they were going to have to put into searching for an upper crust lady. Dreading having to talk to the brass in the morning. Dreading having to speak to the reporter from the paper. Dreading talking to anyone who may be a witness, a daunting task considering the massive numbers of people who attended the evening’s ball.

“I’m sorry, you’ll have to talk to my wife and footman.” He replied.

“Mrs. Maudsley?”

Over the next fifteen minutes she and her footman answered his questions. They described Miss Heywood, her dress, her state of mind when she left the ball, the fact that she left coatless. That made the constable wince because it was a bitterly cold night. He asked about Hans, and they described him.

“What did he say to her to make her rush out of here like that?” he asked blandly. Neither of them knew. 

“Is there anything else that would cause her to run?” He noticed the glance the Maudsley’s exchanged. She launched into a quick synopsis of Miss Heywood, Sidney Parker and Eliza Campion. He noticed the lady’s changed demeaner when talking about Mrs. Campion. He noticed that they all remained curiously silent about the illegal fight that afternoon. He rolled his eyes inwardly. He had lined his pockets a time or two looking the other way. 

“Was Mr. Parker having ‘relations’ with Miss Heywood in spite of the fact he was engaged to another woman?” 

“Absolutely not,” Mrs. Maudsley said with irritated conviction. “Due to circumstances created by his brother, Mrs. Campion forced the engagement to Mr. Parker, much to everyone’s distress.”

“Could this be a way to extort money out of somebody?”

“No. She’s not like that,” Mrs. Maudsley answered again with irritation. While they were talking, a few people were still trickling out. The constable noticed a change in the lady. She was looking over his shoulder, almost imperceptibly, one nostril flared ever so slightly causing her upper lip to twitch. Almost like stepping too close to a sleeping dog, and he’s trying to decide whether to give you a quiet growl or go back to sleep. It’s almost impossible for most people to hide their disdain for their enemies. Mrs. Maudsley spoke in a quiet but sharp measured tone. “Mrs. Campion, Mr. Parker.” She was livid because she felt deep down that it was Eliza who had ruined the evening. 

He stepped sideways to take in the couple who stood in the doorway. Eliza stood with her arm through Tom’s arm, her hand held such a vice like hold on his forearm that her knuckles were white. Her thin-lipped smile that looked more like a sneer, showed disdain for everybody in the room. For a split second his mind wandered to a few unsolved murders. But he quickly brought his attention back to the couple standing in front of him. “Mr. Parker, I assume Mr. Sidney Parker?” Tom’s eyes shifted in every direction and landed on everything in the room except for the constable’s eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but Eliza squeezed his arm tighter and smiled stiffly.

“No, this is Mr. Tom Parker, Sidney’s brother,” she said. Tom looked terrified. He knew Mary would hear about this. At the moment he was clueless as to how he would explain, but he knew he would think of something, he always did. His main focus was to protect himself and Sanditon. “He’s going to escort me back to Bedford Place.”

“Bedford Place? Mr. Sidney Parker’s home?” This question galled Tom because Sidney had bought the house from him two years ago when he needed the money to simply sustain Sanditon. He had threatened to sell the house to someone else, and Sidney stepped in, paid off the massive mortgages, and saved the home. Tom was upset now because everyone considered the house to be Sidney’s, and he felt it was still his. The constable allowed the silence to drag on while he waited for Mr. Parker to answer. 

Once again, Eliza answered for him. “I broke off my engagement to Sidney Parker earlier tonight because he was inebriated. Mr. Parker,” she said with a smile to Tom that didn’t reach her eyes. “Has convinced me that I need to reconsider. We’re heading to Bedford Place to patch things up.” The constable noticed Mrs. Maudsley’s angry eyes slide over to her husband. He made a quick note in his journal, not because he needed to record the information, but he needed a moment to collect his thoughts. He was wondering if these two had anything to do with Miss Heywood’s disappearance. The tension in the small anti-room crackled like static electricity. 

“What can you tell me about Miss Heywood’s disappearance?”

Again Eliza answered. “Oh, she’s just a country girl, I’m sure she was probably upset over some minor snub. Certainly by now she’s back at Lady Worchester’s sitting by the fire and eating chocolate.”

“She’s staying with the Lady?” He wrote another note in his journal to collect his thoughts. The question that raced through his mind was why would just a country girl be staying with the most powerful lady in all of England who also happened to be the Prince Regent’s paramour?

“She does have a way of ingratiating herself to the upper crust.” Eliza said with a smirk.

He wondered if this was a simple case of a girl being upset by an off-side comment, running out of the party and being picked up by a friend, or was this a more sinister plot against the Prince Regent?

Since he figured that Tom had essentially been silenced by the talons digging into his arm, he asked, “Mrs. Campion, did you see Miss Heywood leave the building?”

“I was on the balcony overlooking the street. I noticed a lady in pink running, but had no idea who it was.”

“Did you see which way she went?”

“Straight down the street.”

“Was she with anybody?” Good god, he thought, she’s offering nothing. I have to go digging for everything.

“I did see her jump into a carriage,” she said, and by the look on her face, the constable felt she seemed to be a bit too sure of herself.

“Can you describe the carriage?” He had to dig deep for patience with this woman.

“No. But I can describe the team of horses pulling it. I couldn’t understand why anybody would come to an event like this with unmatched horses. There were three snappy bays, and one rather rough looking large grey.” She shook her head as if having a team of unmatched horses was a cardinal offence. He thought it was odd that she gave such an elaborate description of the horses. Why? His question was quickly answered.

“The Quisenberrys?” Mr. Maudsley asked. 

The footman responded relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans on his employer’s guests. “Yes. When she stepped out of the coach the Lady stepped up to the gray, patted him, and kissed his nose.”

Mable smiled. The constable looked at her and asked, “Did something just come to mind?”

“Not really,” she responded, “Except I can’t think of anyone else who would come to a ball and kiss the coach horse. He’s her personal horse. I’m clueless as to why they would use him as a coach horse tonight, but I’m sure they had good reason.”  
“I hope you will stay in London until we conclude our investigation.” He was looking at Eliza when he said this, so Tom felt he was off the hook. As soon as he re-secured Sidney and Eliza’s engagement, he was bolting for Sanditon.

“Eliza, Tom,” Mrs. Maudsley said to the pair dismissing them. She wasn’t going to give them the courtesy of a ‘good night.’

Eliza looked like she wanted to stay to hear what else Mabel Maudsley might say, but Tom had enough sense to pull her out of the tiny room. Once in the hallway a constable showed them out. Eliza was now out of the loop. However, she had set the wheels in motion against that country chit. A conspiracy against the Prince was a hanging offence. It didn’t cross her mind that Sidney could be caught up in this frey. She smiled. Tom was already in the carriage. A coachman handed her up and closed the door. She looked at Tom and smiled as she sat down next to him.

“Mrs. Maudsley, do you dislike Mrs. Campion?”

“More than I can say.”

“Then why did you invite her into your home?”

“She was here under Sidney Parker’s invitation. He can be rather dark and moody at times, but he’s always a wonderful addition to any party. If they get married, I will not invite him back next year.” She looked like not having Sidney at her party would be a huge loss. She even felt his non-presence tonight. 

“How about Mr. Tom Parker?”

“God only knows,” she said rolling her eyes. The constable smiled, bowed slightly to the couple and left. As he stepped out into the cold night air he thought, this may get interesting.

While he was giving orders to his men, the tongues of the beau monde were frantically wagging. What’s going on? Where’s Charlotte Heywood? What was Crowe doing with Mrs. Campion? What was Tom Parker doing with Mrs. Campion? Is this a conspiracy or just a delicious scandal? By sun up there would be as many different versions of the night as there were people to tell about it. And, the people who SHOULD be in the know were asking: Where was Charlotte Heywood? Where was Lady Susan Worchester? Where were Lord and Lady Quisenberry? Where was the Baron von Questenberg? But, most importantly, Where was the Prince Regent?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry about the Quisenberrys.... I haven't forgotten them. They will have a substantial conversation, and maybe a tiny bit of fun!


	20. The Quisenberrys Make a Detour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Quisenberry! Much from the coachman and footman's point of view. After several years the Quisenberrys stumble upon their lost affections.
> 
> Mrs. Quisenberry is NOT going to let her Fishy spend the night in the city stable, and gives the constable a piece of her mind. 
> 
> Lord Quisenberry braids a mud knot.
> 
> Will he find all the pins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It appears I use coach and carriage interchangeably. If someone knows the difference, please let me know.
> 
> Probably not used so much any more, but because horses tails got so dirty when out fox hunting many people, especially if they were riding grays, put them up in mud knots. They would french braid the top part of the tail, and when they got to the end of the physical tail (known as the dock) they would finish braiding the tail, secure the end, then wind it back around the upper part. it made cleaning the horse at the end of the day a much easier job.
> 
> Once again I'm wondering when and where I've placed everybody. I hope you believe in standing stones, Delorian time machines or tesseracts, because if I have to go searching for everybody every time I lose track of them I would never get my chapters out. 
> 
> As usual - I love your comments! Thank you! Hope you enjoy this!🤓🤓🤓💖💖

The Quisenberrys Take a Detour

The coachman and the footman, Tony and Bob, watched the Quisenberrys as they stepped out of the house. They looked astonished by the state of the Lady’s hair, and probably more astonished that the couple walked arm and arm. The Quisenberrys were always pleasant people, and they both knew how lucky they were to be working for them. They took care of all of their employees whether human or animal. But this was a most unusual sight. Normally they would leave events together, and engage in pleasant conversation with each other, but they wouldn’t touch until he took his wife’s hand to assist her into the carriage. Bob stepped down to assist the couple when the Lady let out a closed mouth squeal and slapped teasingly at her husband’s hand. The two servants exchanged astonish glances and struggled to contain the laughter that threatened to escape.

What a strange night this had been. First when the Lady alit the carriage at the ball she ignored the stares of others and walked up to the big grey and gave him a pat and told him he was a good boy. A bit unusual, but not terribly outlandish, but then her gloved hand lifted his chin and she gave him a quick kiss on his muzzle drawing amused gasps from the people around them. Only Lady Quisenberry would have a public display of affection for a coach horse at a major event. They had seen her shower the big grey with affection at home, in the stable and out riding, but this was totally unexpected. However at the time they didn’t think it was a precursor to more outlandish things to come that evening.

Next the Lord and Mr. Crowe come rushing out of a back door and told them they had to get to Bedford Place post haste so that Crowe could fix Mr. Sidney Parker’s teeth. Now that was unusual, because usually only farriers and barbers worked on people’s teeth. They had heard that Mr. Parker had been badly injured in the fight, they even saw Lord Babington, Mr. Crowe and the massive German who had just fought him, stuff the bleeding and unconscious man into the Lord’s waiting carriage. They felt slightly guilty for Mr. Parker because they had put their money on the German. However, they were paid much better than most other coachmen and footmen, so they weren’t about to question what their employer wanted.

They had just turned out of the Maudsley’s when they noticed a ball of pink silk floating down the street at an impressive rate of speed. It was so unusual that even the horses lifted their heads and flicked their ears toward the apparition. The Lord signaled for them to slow down, and Mr. Crowe called out to the girl and she stopped. Her hair was a mess, tears ran down her face as she panted from the exertion, and her tiny hands tried to cover her freezing arms. Bob jumped down at the same time the coach door opened. He saw her sway slightly and thought she was about to faint, so he caught the tiny woman and easily handed her up to Mr. Crowe. Quisenberry indicated for them to continue. Both men looked at each other. 

“Shouldn’t we tell someone we picked up the lady?” Bob asked Tony.

Tony smirked and shrugged. “We’ll let the Lord and Mr. Crowe figure that one out. Remember the night’s still young.”

They politely hailed the two men on the coach box of a passing coach. After having caught a glance of what was going on inside, Tony quietly said to Bob, “Good god, every time we pass Babington’s coach those two are always at it.”

“Everybody is always at it,” Bob snickered back. “These people don’t realize we see everything from up here.”

They pulled into Bedford Place, and Bob helped the girl step down. He hadn’t realized before that it was Miss Heywood. He hated what had been happening to her over the past couple of months, and wished there was something he could do, but it was only their place to observe. They watched Miss Heywood run into the house wearing Crowe’s navy tails, and Mr. Crowe run to the side wearing an outlandish pink vest covered in hearts with doily lace. They both grinned. The Lord gave them the three knocks to move on, followed by two soft knocks indicating Mrs. Harries. The two men frowned at each other. Quisenberry always tipped them handsomely after these visits. Though the Lord rarely visited the establishment any more, and he hadn’t been there in over a year, they loved Mrs. Quisenberry. They remembered how the two of them were several years ago. They laughed constantly, and shared what they erroneously thought were discrete, displays of affection for each other. They both also remembered when those displays stopped. It was after a night of carousing with his friends and they wound up at the establishment. The Lord didn’t even really want to go, but the others convinced him that he could leave the girls alone and simply smoke, drink and play cards. After that, they never saw the couple touch each nor heard the shrieks of laughter coming from inside the carriage. The Lord had screwed up royally, and they watched for years as their happy marriage disintegrated into a twisted amiable agreement. They rarely rode in the coach together unless it was for some event like tonight. They never again rode out on horseback together, which had always been something that just the two of them shared and loved. She still rode, a lot. She was a stout woman, but Bob felt that the new fashions made her even bigger. She was actually quite agile and strong, and a lovely rider. Sea Horse, also known as Fish, a once in a lifetime perfect horse for her, was gift from the Lord. He had bought the young horse on a trip to Ireland, and he was the best gift any man could give his wife. It was a shame the two of them didn’t ride together anymore.

They were surprised that after they dropped him off at Mrs. Harries, he was back out in less than five minutes, and directed them back to the Maudsley’s to pick up Martha. Both men gave each other looks not really understanding what was going on, but happy that he didn’t stay. 

Though still rather early for a ball, the waiting carriages had thinned out. They waited while he ran inside to collect his wife, but came rushing out alone a few minutes later (at least this time he was wearing his overcoat and carrying Mr. Crowes). He ordered them to Bedford Place… and to hurry. 

“This could be good, or very, very bad,” said Tony.

“Do you think she’s expecting him to be at Bedford Place?” Bob asked.

Tony shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Hurry up and wait,” said Bob.

As they sat parked in front of the Parker home, they could barely hear the voice of a woman shouting. Then all went quiet. Then they saw Sidney Parker (Sidney Parker?) carrying an armful of pink jump over something in the doorway, rush up the stairs with a whole army of people on his heels.

“Please don’t ask me to go in and find out what’s going on,” said Bob. “When these rich people fall off the deep end, they seem to take entire communities with them.”

Tony laughed, reached in his pocket, pulled out a flask, took a swig then handed it to Bob. Bob took an ample swig himself. “If we run out, there’s more stashed in the tool box in the back.”

“Good to know,” said Tony.  
Fifteen minutes later the two astonished men watched, as the Lord and Lady reappeared looking happy and… hungry for each other. 

“It may be cold,” Bob snickered, “but I think things are about to heat up.”

As Tony turned the coach towards home, loud squeals of female laughter hit their ears. Both men looked at each other grinned.

As they stepped out of Bedford Place, Alfred noticed a hair pin dangling just behind Martha’s ear. He tugged at it, and slowly dragged it behind her ear, down her neck, over her collarbone, then “Oops! Darling I think I dropped it down your cleavage.” She felt the cold metal, and was stunned by the thrill it gave her. “Here,” he teased as his fingers followed the path of the wayward pin, “Let me see if I can retrieve it.” 

Martha gave a good-natured closed mouth squeal and slapped his hand away, but whether it was mistaken or not, she slapped downward, and his hand grazed her ample bosom on its downward trajectory. He was a little drunk after the two quick glasses of the high-quality brandy, and he stumbled slightly. Whether this time was accidental or not, the hand that he held at her back, slipped downward and he had a nice feel of his wife’s bum. She jumped forward quickly, turned and laughed at her husband. Neither of them paid any attention to the footman holding the door opened for them. When he reached out to offer his hand to the Lady, the Lord stepped in front of him, took his wife’s hand and said “Allow me.” As she stepped up, he had the most delicious view of Martha’s lovely bum. He saw the outline even under all the mountains of fabrics. He cut his eyes to Bob, and the footman instantly straightened and shot his eyes forward. He leaned toward the younger man, and said quietly enough for only Bob to hear. “Nice view. Don’t let me catch you enjoying it.” Bob shut the door behind the Lord and stepped back up onto the coachman’s box with such practiced precision, he could work for the palace. Once they moved off, and the clatter of the hooves and carriage wheels drowned out their voices, Tony turned to Bob, and asked in a low voice, “What the hell just happened?” Bob stared straight ahead and shrugged his shoulders, but a grin appeared on his face, and both men sniffed a laugh. They had to be careful about laughter because that was one noise that could easily carry back inside the carriage.

Once inside and settled beside his wife, and the carriage had moved off, Martha took her husband’s face in her hands and kissed him with a passion that they hadn’t felt in years. “You mind if I go looking for the pin I dropped?” he whispered against her ear, knowing full well what the vibrations of his voice and the warmth of his breath was doing to his wife. It may have been a long time for them, but a man never forgets the things his beloved wife loves best. He brushed his fingers lightly under the neckline of her dress and dipped a finger into the exposed cleavage. She moaned. Since she had almost straddled him when she initiated the kiss, it left his right hand free to wander. He slid it over her stomach and up to her ample bosom. Oh god, how he loved his wife’s breasts, and was surprised to feel her excitement at his touch, and he pinched her. She exploded in surprised fit of laughter and pushed her body towards him. “Oh darling, I’ve really missed you.” She breathed in his ear. With the encouragement, he dropped his face to her marvelous cleavage. “Oh god, the Marvelous Martha,” a term of endearment he hadn’t whispered to his wife in years. She responded by tilting her head backward and giving him easier access to the places that only he knew how to touch. He then pulled away and made quick work of the rest of her hair pins. He buried his hands and in her luscious curls as he freed her hair of the last few pins. Then he buried his nose in her hair and sucked in a deep breath, then kissed her again passionately. Once again, he concentrated on his wife’s lovely bosom as his right hand now made a slow trek down her leg. He looked at her as he started lifting her skirts asking for permission. “Oh, yes,” she said, and she instantly felt his hand slide up her inner leg to her thigh. On his hand’s travels upwards he paused to loosen the ties of her garters. He had worked one garter loose when they both heard Tony’s low drawn out “Whoa…” as the carriage came to a sudden stop. 

Bob saw what was happing and quickly jumped down before the carriage had stopped. He and Tony literally had front row seats to the drama unfolding in the back of the carriage. There was no time to worry about what he was going to find. He opened the door and found his employers quickly trying to untangle themselves. Quisenberry gave him an outraged look. “I know, sir, but a whole group of constables stopped us. What do you want us to do?”

To his utter dismay, his disheveled employers looked at each other and started laughing. “Tell them anything. Hold them off for as long as you can.”

“Yes sir,” and stood as tall as possible, strode to the front of the team of horses, looked at the constable and, though terrified, he said clearly, “Good evening, sir, what’s the meaning of this? Tony braked the carriage and jumped down to offer his assistance as well. It looked like a standoff between the Quisenberry’s two men and half a dozen constables, all of them quite large and looking as if they were itching for a fight. 

“I need to speak to Lord Quisenberry.” 

“What about?” asked Bob.

“The kidnapping of a Miss Charlotte Heywood,” the head constable said sourly.

“The kidnapping of Miss Charlotte Heywood?” Bob asked with a chuckle.

“You know the first thing a guilty person does when he’s confronted is repeat the question being asked of him so he can buy time to come up with a story.”

“An astonished person, too,” snapped back Bob. He decided the best way to go would be the honest way. 

“Why would you be astonished?” asked the constable benignly.

“Because we found her running down the street, she was crying and we picked her up and took her to Bedford Place.”

“Why Bedford Place?”

Bob couldn’t help the roll of his eyes. “Because that’s where the object of her affections resides.”

“Mr. Sidney Parker?”

“Yes,” Bob felt like he was trying to talk to a slab of granite.

“Were they having some type of tryst?”

“Charlotte Heywood?” Bob laughed. “I don’t even think Sidney Parker could lure that girl into something lurid.”

“Where is she now?”

“At Bedford Place!”

“Is anybody with them now?”

“Yes!” rang the Lord’s stern voice. “What is the meaning of this?”

The constable didn’t answer his question. “Who’s with her?”

“When we left, Mr. Crowe, Lord and Lady Babington, Baron von Questenburg, and…” he said with a pause to emphasize his point, “The Prince Regent.”

“Yes,” the constable said casually, “Are you involved in the conspiracy against the Prince?”

“What?”

Before Quisenberry could say anything more, the constable said, “Lord Quisenberry, we have to take you in under suspicion of kidnapping Miss Heywood.”

Quisenberry started to protest.

“That is unless you would rather we take you in for questioning for plotting against the Prince Regent.” Quisenberry was speechless. The constable turned to one of his men and said, “We’ll take the Lord to the station, you take the horses to the city stables.”

“WHAT!!!” came the shriek from the carriage. “NOBODY’S taking my Fishy anywhere.” The constable was astonished by the woman who stepped out of the carriage. The first thing he noticed as she stepped down was that her stockings were pooled around her ankles. Then he noticed her hair. She was quite fearsome. She stormed over to her husband and the two coachmen. “Are you really so thick?”

“Ma’am?”

“Take MY husband, a Lord and MY horse who happens to rank higher than a lord, down to your nasty stable. I don’t think so.”

“But Ma’am. It’s been said that there is a plot against the Prince.”

“Well, it’s not MY husband, and not Miss Heywood, nor Sidney Parker, nor the Babingtons, nor von Questenburg, nor anybody else at the house at this moment. Do you really want all of London society snapping at your bosses’ heels… not tomorrow, but TONIGHT? Do you really want to answer to a false arrest of member of Parliament?” she almost spat her words. She was so angry that this group interrupted what was probably going to be the best sex she had had in years, and somebody was going to pay for that.

The constable hesitated. She didn’t wait for him to continue. “Bedford Place is three blocks that way.” She pointed in the opposite direction the carriage was headed. “If you want we can all pay another visit to the Parkers tonight! Tony, take us back to Bedford Place.” Normally her words would be delivered as a pleasant request, but she wanted everybody present to follow her orders, and everybody did. She stormed back into the carriage, one stocking slipping over the heel of her shoe.

Quisenberry looked at the constable, “You heard the Lady.” When he stepped back into the carriage, Martha was tying her garters back into place. “Would you like a moment to pull things back together before we turn around?”

“No,” she almost cried. “I’ve already fixed the only thing I could fix, and now I’m going to have to stand in front of the Prince Regent with my hair like this!” She quickly lifted several curls above her head and dropped them.

“Darling, I’m here. Don’t worry about your hair.”

“I don’t think even your status as a Peer of the Realm will ease my embarrassment over my hair.”

He smiled. “Oh how soon we forget, my love. Who braided your pony’s mud knots when we fox hunted as kids? Who braided half the mud knots of the entire hunt? Your hair would be no problem.” He stepped back out of the carriage. “Tony to you have a mane and tail brush on you that the Lady can use?” 

Tony grimaced because it was after all used on the horses. “Yes sir, but….”

Quisenberry leaned into his coachman, “Are there any grey hairs in the brush?” 

“Yes sir,”  
“Then it will work just fine. Also, to you have any string or yarn or a narrow strip of cloth?”

Tony reached into the box under his seat and pulled out a brush that looked like any other woman’s hair brush and handed it to the Lord He scrounged a little deeper. Hunting horses’ braids were always coming loose, so he always kept the yarn on hand just in case. 

“Thank you. Better get moving.”

Once back inside, he sat and had his wife turn her back to him, and set about fixing her hair. He broke off several inches of the yard and held it in his mouth. He brushed out the snarls, and was happy she had such curly hair. It would be easier to braid. He gently reached the hair nearest Martha’s face, sectioned off a small clump then twist, twist and a slight tug to the back of her head. He did the same on the other side. Small clump of hair, twist, twist, tug. Back and forth, twist, twist, tug. He purposely allowed some curls to flow free. When he got to the part where he simply had to braid her hair, He took the yarn out of his mouth, folded it in half and laid it on two sections to be braided in with the rest of her hair. H knotted it off when he got to the end. He then rolled the end until it was flush with the bottom of the French braid, pulled out the loose ends of the yarn, then ran one end of the yarn through the middle of the braid and secured it underneath. He reached to the floor and felt for hair pins. He found two and set them. “Can you find anymore pins on the seat?” He asked. She felt around and found two more. He set those, too. Her hair was pretty close to perfect, but he just had to ask, “Is that all?” he asked with a smirk. 

She smiled. As she turned back towards him. “Think you can find it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord Quisenberry knows he has amends to make, and his wife does, too. So, please don't think I've let him off the hook, but I like both of them too much not to get them solidly back together, so if an entertaining romp helps bridge the gap, then I'll use it.


	21. The Pirate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The blood pudding makes its rounds.
> 
> Charlotte gets her turn to add to Crowe's creation.
> 
> Sidney becomes dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I spent most of the afternoon with my 99 year-old dad in the orthopedic e.r.. Luckily nothing's broken, but they're also telling him they can't help him. grrrrr - think we need a second opinion. On top of that, even with state of the art hearing aids, he's still profoundly deaf, so I've spent the afternoon cooped up in a small room where the sound levels equal those of rock concerts. No matter how straight forward and calm the conversation was, because you have to almost shout to be heard, and he shouts back because he can't hear himself, you come away feeling like you've had a major rout with your family. I keep pulling up the blank page, and nothing comes to mind. NOTHING I'm at a loss as to how to play the parlor game with the constable. Think I need some Redwood. So, I'm sorry to beg off tonight. I will be back at it tomorrow. I also am open for suggestions... It will still be chapter 21, but will change the chapter name. Ah! Believe it or not, I miss you guys tonight. Good night.😖🤔😴
> 
> Thank you all for your kind comments before this chapter was posted. Once I got to bed, the word food came to mind, and that's where I started. It's a short chapter, but I'll finish with breakfast tomorrow. Hope you enjoy it!

The Pirate

The first thing Abigail did when she finally made her way back to the kitchen was to put Mr. Parker’s ear on the griddle along with the two pounds of sliced bacon. She had sweet rolls and other breakfast breads cooking in the oven. She discovered that much more of the food the Maudsley’s sent back with the Babingtons spent the night in the freezing carriage. Those boxes consisted of biscuits filled with ham, beef and pork tenderloin, tiny pies filled with various egg and cheese mixtures and a myriad of sauces and spreads. The aromas that wafted out of her oven made her mouth water. She cut dozens of slices of her bread and buttered them and set them aside to make toast. She broke two dozen eggs, added some grated cheese, and scrambled them with herbs and sautéed onions, peppers and mushrooms. She knew she wouldn’t have time for omelets, but the eggs would still be delicious. She loved being in the kitchen. When she cooked, the rest of the world seemed to float into the background. A fully clothed Cynthia made her way into the kitchen to help with the final preparations. Abigail was finally at peace, in her element. Or at least she was until Joey came flying in through the back door. 

“The constables are here, and they have arrested the Quisenberrys, and they are coming in here to arrest Miss Heywood too! Abigail flipped the ear off the griddle, slapped a piece of torn parchment paper on the back of it, placed it in yet another dish cloth and ran back upstairs. For once she was ahead of the game. She slapped the parchment backed, cooked sausage into Sidney’s ear hopefully for the last time tonight. Hans handed Sidney the tooth guard. He started to pull the wadded quill tubes out of his pocket, but Sidney made his first executive decision for the night and decided to forego that part of his costume.

Hans did a double take of Sidney’s ear. “What the hell happened to his ear?” he asked Abigail.

“I cooked it,” she answered sensibly.

“Well it’s brown.”

“Good, let the constable see it, tell him it’s getting infected, then we will remove Mr. Parker to doctor his ear.” Crowe couldn’t believe that Abagail seemed to be relieving him of his generalship. 

Thomas led the man into the study and introduced him as Constable Jenkins. 

“Mr. Jenkins, what is this all about?” Sidney asked. 

“We have taken the Quisenberrys into custody for the kidnapping of Charlotte Heywood, and for a possible plot against the Prince Regent.”

Sidney turned to Crowe and laughed. The main purpose of this was to allow the constable to see that his teeth were gone, without giving him a direct look into his mouth. He looked back to Jenkins and asked, “and where are the Quisenberrys now?”

“They’re in the carriage,” replied Jenkins.

“You left a Lord and a Lady to sit in a carriage on a freezing night?”

“Well, I was going to run him into headquarters, and the Lady insisted we come here.” The constable was irritated that Mr. Parker was doing the asking.

“She’s a smart lady,” came a voice from across the room. The constable didn’t notice who spoke the words because he was looking at Sidney's ear.

“Good god, your ear looks like a sausage!”

Abigail took Sidney by the arm. “Mr. Parker,” she chastised him. “I told you that ear would get infected if you wouldn’t let me doctor it.” She took her dishtowel and held it over his ear. She pushed slightly, and grease oozed through the cloth. 

“Ow!” Sidney flinched and put his hand to his ear and gave Abigail a dirty look.

“Hold that towel on it, and let’s get you to the herb room and take care of it.”  
She said.

“While we’re there, we can try to fix your teeth, though I’m afraid it may be too late.” Said Crowe holding back a snicker. 

“Nobody goes anywhere until we know that both the Prince Regent and Miss Heywood are safe. I understand the Prince didn’t come home last night.”

“I’M HERE!” two voices rang out, one came from the library door, the other from the hall door.

The shocked constable stiffened as he suddenly realized that he had completely ignored the Prince Regent when he had spoken. He didn’t expect for him to be here. He turned and looked over his shoulder, and there stood a tiny woman in a bright pink gown, her loose dark hair hanging around her shoulders. “Miss Heywood?”

She looked at him and cut her eyes towards the Prince as if to tell him he was speaking to the wrong person.

“Your Highness,” He bowed as deeply as his creaky bones would allow him to bow. “I-I-I apologize. I didn’t realize you were here.”

There was another loud knock at the door, Joey rushed into the room, bowed formally to the prince, and announced, “Chief Constable Cannon is here.”

Not used to being left standing in the foyer, Cannon showed himself into the study. “Constable Jenkins, may I ask what this is all about.” The Quisenberrys quietly followed him into the room. Cannon looked at Sidney holding the dish towel over his ear. “I saw that hit. You know those things get infected if you don’t pack them with Comfrey and Lavender.” 

Sidney nodded, unsure of what to say, but Abigail took over again. “I’ve been trying to get him to my herbarium all night, but he won’t go.”

“Go!” said the Prince, and he smirked at Crowe and said, “You better hurry before his tooth holes close up.” Crowe bowed and Abigail curtseyed to the Prince as they left the room with Sidney. Hans moved to leave with them.

“Where are you going?” asked Jenkins. Cannon looked at his subordinate and scowled.

“I’m his body guard. Where he goes, I go.” Said Hans.

“What does he need a body guard for?” Jenkins simply couldn’t help himself.

“Have you seen Mrs. Campion tonight?” Jenkins shrugged his shoulders and shook his head no. “She’s a scary beast, and she’s out for blood.”

“Whose blood?”

“Jenkins!” Cannon sounded like he was gearing up for a major castigation. “I’ve had no less than fifteen footmen knocking on my door tonight, asking about what I’m going to do about the Prince Regent, the Quisenberrys, Charlotte Heywood and Eliza Campion.” He took a long look at his pocket watch. “It’s now 4:45, not only is half of the beau mound out for my neck, but my wife is steaming at the constant train of footman knocking on our door!” It was at that moment that Jenkins realized that he was being demoted back to the street beat. He hung his head and started to walk out of the study. 

An angry Marvelous Martha stopped him, reached into her reticule, and handed him five gingersnaps. “You need to apologize to my horses. Each bay gets one, and Fish gets two. My coachman will be listening, and I expect you to speak nicely and apologize.”

“Yes Ma’am,” He took the cookies from her, and as he walked out, he wondered, because he loved gingersnaps, if he could eat one cookie and short the grey. 

As if she read his mind she said, “Mr. Jenkins. The grey can count.”

Once inside the kitchen, Abigail removed the sausage hopefully for the last time tonight and threw it back on the griddle. She raised her eyebrows at the three men staring at the sizzling ear, daring them to ask. None of them did. 

The parchment kept his ear fairly clean, but she still wiped it with the damp dishtowel. She then pulled several sprigs of the lavender and comfrey, mashed the dried stems and leaves in her palms, put them in an herb bag and secured it in place with a flannel wrap. “Your ear will be cured when Mr. Tom Parker leaves.”

For once Sidney could live with his new costume. He pulled out the mouth guard and handed it back to Hans. They all turned when they heard a soft giggle. Sidney smiled the first genuine smile he had smiled in a long time. 

“Miss Heywood,” Hans asked as he pulled Mrs. Latham’s back sealing wax out of his pocked, “Would you like to do the honors? I don’t think Mr. Parker would mind having your fingers in his mouth.”

“Better than Crowe’s,” quipped Sidney.

Charlotte blushed. “What do you mean?”

Hans smiled as he pulled a piece of fatwood from the stove and lit the black wax candle.

Abigail and Cynthia knew they had to get breakfast on the table, but they just had to see what Hans had in mind.

“Come,” he said to Charlotte. “Supposedly one of Sidney’s teeth was destroyed, so we need to decide which one.”

Charlotte smiled, she knew exactly which tooth she would choose. She couldn’t believe she was standing over an open mouthed Sidney Parker with a lit candle. “Now, don’t let the flame touch the wax, or it will get too hot.”

“No fooling, I thought my mouth was on fire earlier.” 

Charlotte laughed. “I can’t wait to show this trick to my brothers.” She decided to do one of his canine teeth. She noticed his eyes drop as she leaned over her target. “Um, Mr. Parker.” He shifted his eyes back to hears, and they both laughed. 

Crowe stepped in, “Miss Heywood, this is really a two-man job.” He reached to pull Sidney’s lip out of the way. Sidney grabbed his wrist and snarled, “You will never have your fingers on my mouth again.” 

Both Sidney and Charlotte laughed when she raised his lip to expose his tooth. Her first drop landed on his chin, the second landed on his upper lip, but the third and biggest drop landed on his eyetooth, and stuck. She reached in and smoothed the pliable wax around his tooth, and once she reached what she felt was the desired effect, she sat back and studied her creation. “Sit up, and look at me.” He did as he was told. “Now sneer.” He did his best to please her with the sneer. With his now eight-day beard, his bruises and the blacked out tooth she was well pleased with her creation. She laughed and said, “Get rid of the flannel wrap, and you’ll look dangerous....like a pirate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! I flipped to my emails, and I can't believe all your sweet comments!!! I'm stunned! Thank you! Like I said earlier, I got in bed, and my first thought was 'food.' ... I opened my laptop, and voila!!!


	22. Breakfast of Champions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody, including Tom settles in for breakfast. 
> 
> Tom adores Abigails cooking.
> 
> Charlotte loves the 'dangerous' Sidney..... or does she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize guys for being so slow in getting out this chapter. First off, I want to thank all of you for your best wishes for Dad. It's amazing how changing the timing of a medication (from morning to evening) seems to make a HUGE difference. 
> 
> But, this afternoon was a pure pleasure! A professional videographer came in, and they interviewed Dad, 99 and his sister, 97. They covered time from the stock market crash in 1929 (though they were very young, there were still things they remembered about it), the Great Depression, the best music ever played (the big bands of the '30's and 40's), Frank Sinatra before he was famous, World War 2 (and the friends they lost), their courtships, long time marriages, and life-long friendships. We laughed and cried. It was an AMAZING afternoon, and though most of the stories I had heard before, I had never heard them being told by the two of them. If you have elderly parents or grand-parents, I highly recommend having this done. The interview was a blast. I can't wait until the finished video!

The Breakfast of Champions

Between Abigail, Cynthia, Charles, Joey and Thomas, they managed to finally get the impromptu breakfast on the table. Most of the platters were set on the table to be passed around. Charles served the dishes too heavy to be passed, and Cynthia poured the coffee and tea. 

Crowe leaned into Cynthia and asked quietly, “Won’t you all join us? 

She shook her head no and whispered back, “This is my job.”

“So, I’m not sure we would all be here this morning without everything you guys did last night.”

“Call it job security, and besides, I like keeping an eye on you two,” she smirked as she dropped her eyes. 

The Prince sat at the head of the table, flanked by Babbers and Hans. Sidney sat at the foot of the table flanked by Charlotte and Susan. The Quisenberrys were between Charlotte and Hans, and Crowe sat between Susan and the Babingtons. 

Almost as if he wanted to be disruptive, once everybody was seated, Tom sauntered into the room, and bowed formally to the Prince. “Good morning Your Highness.” Then he nodded and formally addressed most of the others at the table. “Lord and Lady Babington, Lord and Lady Quisenberry, Lady Susan.” He was afraid to look at Hans, disgusted with Crowe, and incensed with Sidney for rejecting Eliza, and to him, Charlotte was a non-entity. He was also irritated with Thomas because he had set his place between Ester and Crowe. He looked as if he had expected Sidney to move since he, Tom, was, in fact the eldest brother, but no other position opened up at the table, and everybody politely shifted making space for him. Hans’ warning glared told him to control his tongue, and for the moment Tom obeyed. 

The bacon platter had already moved past him before he sat, so he scooped up some eggs, fruit and breakfast breads and waited impatiently for the meat platter to make its way back around. Everybody helped themselves to the bacon, but discretely left the sausage. Luckily Tom paid little attention to the Quisenberrys because when the Lord took the tongs and reached for the sausage, Martha discretely moved his hand toward the bacon. He gave her a questioning look, and she gave him a slight shake of her head. He shrugged and obediently served himself the bacon, then served his wife. Charlotte stared at the platter, then gave Sidney a questioning look. When he noticed what she was looking at, they both snickered. Charlotte served herself a slice of bacon, then served Sidney. Sidney passed the platter to Susan, and smirked as he made as if to serve her the sausage. Both Charlotte and Sidney had trouble quelling their laughter when they saw Susan’s stomach shake. The funny thing about laughter, it will come out, even if it’s not out of your mouth. Everybody’s attention seemed to be riveted to the bacon serving platter. They couldn’t look at each other because if any one pair of eyes met another, the entire table would erupt into fits of mirth. Crowe studied the platter, and his eyes landed on the sausage. He looked over to Abigail and Cynthia and grinned. They both put their hands over their mouths and left the room as if to retrieve something from the kitchen, but they quickly returned, anxious not to miss the show. Sidney looked around the silent table and felt a bit bereft at the thought that he was about to lose his cauliflower ear for ever. By now Tom could see that there was only one sausage left on the platter, and he worried that Crowe would take it, but He knew he couldn’t say anything if he did take the last one.

“Would you like to split it?” Crowe asked. Babington coughed, the Prince’s entire body shook, but he amazingly maintained a staid diplomatic face. Hans miraculously simply maintained his glare at Tom. 

“No, you can have it,” Tom snapped with his chin in the air like a child who had just been denied chocolate pudding. Then his face dropped. He wanted that sausage. 

Martha looked at Crowe and said, “Try that bacon! It’s the best!” 

Crowe looked at her and smiled, “Okay.” He shrugged and took the bacon and passed the platter on to Tom.

“Thank you!” Tom breathed, barely containing his pleasure that Crowe left the last sausage.

He dropped the sausage on his now empty plate and added a couple slices of bacon for good measure. Tom cut a generous piece of sausage with his fork and looked at it. “Abigail?” he asked. 

She stepped forward. “Yes, Mr. Parker?”

“There’s fuzz in my blood pudding!” Susan snorted for the second time since last night, but covered it quickly with a cough and reached for her tea.

Abigail looked at the offending forkful, and quite casually said, “Mr. Parker, that’s the hairy oregano. It’s a new herb, but it’s used in spicy meats. I hear it helps to preserve them as well.” Tom shrugged and took a tentative bite. His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “This is delicious! What did you call it? Hairy oregano?”

“Yes sir, you did hear me correctly.” 

Tom took another bite. “Oh, this is the best!” he said as he put his fingers to his tongue and pulled off a rather long hair. “That’s one hairy herb,” 

“I’m sorry, sir, parts of the herb can get rather long.”

Tom nodded, but smiled. “This is good!” He looked around the table for someone to agree with him. How was yours, Sidney?”

Sidney didn’t answer. He shoved more eggs in his mouth hoping that he wouldn’t have to say anything.

“Sidney?” 

Sidney panicked. He knew if he spoke to Tom now, he would not be able to contain his laughter. 

Charlotte couldn’t look at Sidney. She looked across the table at the Babingtons. Ester’s face was unreadable. Though she knew Charlotte was looking at her, she turned her head towards Babbers, Lord Quisenberry looked at his wife who could barely contain her laughter. He felt he was being left out of a private joke.

“Sidney? How was your sausage?” he asked again. 

Charlotte touched his arm and spoke loudly and slowly to Sidney as calmly as if she was talking to her deaf grandfather. “SIDNEY, TOM-WANTS-TO-KNOW-HOW-YOU-LIKED-YOUR-SAUSAGE!”

Sidney hesitated, took a deep breath, took another deep breath, and stared at his plate, afraid to look anyplace else. “I’m sorry, Tom. I didn’t hear you.” He gently touched the bag of herbs bound to his ear. “Abigail fried my ear this morning, and I can’t hear a damn thing. What did you ask?”

Tom taking Charlotte’s lead said, “HOW-DID-YOU-LIKE-ABIGAIL’S-SAUSAGE?”

“Oh,” Sidney said focusing on his drugged dreams of Charlotte, anything to keep from laughing. “I’m stuck on that sausage. Can’t get enough of it.”  
`  
If you heard nothing, but watched Crowe as he watched this entire scene unfold you would think he was sitting at a luncheon at Lady Denham’s. What he found so amusing about this entire scene was the fact that very little had been said since Tom came to the table, and Tom didn’t seem to even notice. He noticed that Tom was down to his last bites of the ear. Tom took another bite and flinched as if his teeth hit something hard. Tom looked at Abigail, and she answered before he could even ask the question. “You know, Mr. Parker, blood pudding is made from the leavings of the pig, and corn that has dried on the cob. Maybe next time I’ll use one less ear.”

“Good idea,” he said as he pulled another hair out of his mouth. “Best blood pudding I’ve ever had! A symphony of flavor, my dear. WELL, SIDNEY, THOMAS HAS ALREADY CALLED UP THE CARRIAGE. I’M OFF TO SANDITON. GOT LOTS OF INTEREST AT THE BALL LAST NIGHT.” He excused himself from the table and made to leave.

“Good,” Sidney nodded. “Safe travels.” If Tom noticed that nobody else had spoken he said nothing about it. But he left the room in an oblivion that only Tom Parker was capable of.

Thomas met Tom at the door and handed him his coat, hat and cane and bade him a good morning. He didn’t leave the doorway until the coach was out of sight.

He smiled when he re-entered the dining room, then breathed a sigh of relief. Ester, the staidest of the bunch, who had barely cracked a smile the entire evening took a dainty sip of her tea, but as she took the sip, Susan stole a look at the Prince Regent, and both of them snorted, then the entire table erupted in fits of laughter. Even Lord Quisenberry joined in the fun, though he didn’t really understand why he was laughing, the laughter was contagious, and he was happy simply to be part of this crazy parlor game grand comedy. He gave his wife an amused look, and she leaned into him and whispered in his ear, “I’ll tell you all I know later.” Ester never swallowed her tea, but those in polite society never mentioned the fact tea actually spewed from her nose. 

Charlotte laughed, leaned over, pulled the knot of the flannel wrap and pealed it off of Sidney’s beard. She took the herb bag and held it to her nose and shamelessly took a deep breath. 

Sidney knew exactly what she wanted. He sneered at her and licked his lips. Then, much to everyone’s amused horror, rough words rang out. “ARRRRRRGH, Lassie! Shiver me timbers and blow me down! The scallywag has walked the plank. I’m claiming my kiss, my little dressing wench!” He stood, grabbed her arms, not too gently, yanked her to him and gave her a huge devil-may-care pirate kiss. He then whispered in her ear, “If all these people weren’t here your bodice would be in tatters right now.” Charlotte yanked away from him, looked at him with her chin raised in a mix of shock, anger and horror, then leaned back, and with all her might slapped him so hard that the black fell off his tooth. She turned on her heels and stormed from the room. 

Sidney watched her go and said to himself, “Arrrrrgh, Lassie…You’re mine!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom eating his sausage reminds me of a scene from Prince of Tides.(Though it's quite disturbing, it's probably one of the most beautifully written books I've ever read). If you have seen the movie or read the book, the father is horrible. He's abusive (to put it mildly) and complains about his wife's cooking, telling her that his dog eats better than he does. So she heats up a can of dog food and feeds it to him. The children can't believe she's done this, and they sit around the table both in horror, and amusement as they watch him eat. When he claims his stew to be 'the best she ever made,' everybody breathes a sigh of relief knowing he got what was coming to him. Tom's no different, only sneakier.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	23. Captain Morgan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte play a dangerous game of cat and mouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anybody else see Charlotte smile as she stormed out of the dining room?
> 
> Weekend's over, and I'm back at it! Have fun!

Captain Morgan

The room was silent. Nobody knew whether to laugh or to be horrified at what they just witnessed. You could hear the light tinkling of forks, knives and spoons softly being laid across everybody’s plates. Much to Susan’s chagrin or mirth, which changed with each breath she took, Sidney didn’t look at all chastised. In fact, he grinned as he scanned the area for the tiny piece of black. He knew he needed to go after Miss Heywood, but wondered if he should give her some time to cool down. However, he was fairly certain that he saw a flash of a grin before she had completely turned away from him. 

Everybody started looking around. The Quisenberrys looked at each other. She slightly licked an imaginary piece of fruit off of her bottom lip, and he gave her a quick wink, both subtly letting the other know what may be in store for the afternoon. The Babingtons simply looked at each other and raised their eyebrows. Babbers would never be so bold as Sidney to do what his friend just did in front of a group of people, but they both were thinking of the possibilities behind closed doors. Susan gave a quick glance to the head of the table, and George was staring directly at her. The look in his eyes told her exactly what he was thinking. She looked away and smiled. Crowe and Cynthia exchanged a glance that definitely burned through the space between them. The odd men out were Abigail, Thomas, Charles and Hans.  
Abigail was already planning a Caribbean dinner for the evening. She couldn’t wait to get back to the kitchen. Charles couldn’t wait to get home to his family. Thomas couldn’t wait to talk to Sidney, and Hans….. Hans. As he looked around the table, he knew exactly what was on every man’s mind, and guessed the respective women were thinking the same things. A sullen, pouty thought crossed his mind, ‘where the hell does that leave me?’ All of a sudden, he was a bit put off as he thought of the huge hand he had played in all of this, and he was going to be the odd man out this afternoon. Alas, maybe he would join Abagail for a chaste afternoon in the kitchen. He did enjoy cooking. 

Crowe finally broke the silence. “Uh, Captain Morgan,” Sidney looked at him as if his friend had actually called his name. “If you want to deflower that virgin, you better hurry up and transform yourself into Lord Byron, or you’re going to miss your chance.” The Prince broke out into a fit of laughter, and the rest of the table followed suit. Sidney smiled, though sorry he couldn’t find the black tooth, he made to leave the room. 

“Sidney, a word,” said Thomas.

“Not now,” he responded. 

“I have a buried treasure you may be interested in.”

“Can it wait?” asked Sidney impatiently.

“I think it will help you in your morning pillage,” Thomas said with a grin. Since Sidney had never heard Thomas tease about anything, he nodded and followed his butler out of the room.

Once inside Thomas’ tiny office he told Sidney, “Shut the door.” Sidney obeyed. He watched warily as the older man reached into the inside breast pocket of his coat and pulled out a haphazardly folded, slightly crumpled sheet of paper and handed it to him. “This should prevent you from being keelhauled by that scurvy dog.”

Sidney grinned at Thomas’ attempt at joining this new pirate adventure. He slowly opened the letter and read the words. Though his heart soared, he gave Thomas an unbelieving look. “It’s all there, boy. Now you’ll have a whole different set of problems, but you are free of that bilge sucking banshee.”

Sidney laughed, but still wasn’t convinced. Thomas convinced him. “The Prince Regent is always followed by his entourage which, usually includes a solicitor. Since most of them are staying in the third-floor guest rooms, I took the liberty to ask him to read this. Eliza Campion has officially broken the engagement. And, since she’s cited no valid reason for breaking it, you should be entitled to damages. Of course your own solicitor will need to look this over, but I think you can trust his observations.”

Sidney stared at Thomas. He wondered if he was dreaming. Thomas read his mind. “No, boy, you aren’t dreaming. Go find Miss Heywood.” He spun around and raced for the door. “Wait! Let me hold the paper. You have too much to handle to keep track of this.” He smiled, handed Thomas the letter and hurried out of the room.

‘Where was Charlotte?’ he wondered. He smiled to himself. He would take his time and track her down. He felt certain she expected him to follow her, so he started with the study. Most of the candles had burned out, and the only light in the room, was coming from the grey dawn. He could smell the faint aroma of Bergamot and Jasmine. She was here. As his eyes scanned the room he couldn’t believe he wasn’t seeing that pink cloud. He heard a rustle of skirts as he walked to the large windows. Ah! She’s moved into the library. Her favorite room. He made his way around the study, opened the door, then slipped into the dark room. No candles burned, and the curtains were mostly drawn, so he waited for his eyes to adjust. He smiled. Because the library was a much smaller room, her scent hung more powerfully in the air. 

“Miss Heywood,” his voice was low and carried a light tease. “Are you hiding from me?” He was loving this cat and mouse game. “The longer I have to look, the worse things will be for you.” Oh how he wished he had found the black tooth cover. He thought an eye patch would also be a nice addition to his new image. “This room’s freezing. You can’t hide out in here forever.” His heart raced as he stepped carefully around the dark room. He heard the slight click of the door that led into the adjoining lady’s parlor. Again he smiled as he made his way slowly around the room and into the parlor.

This was a great room for afternoon teas, or for smaller gatherings of intimate friends who would like to play cards, or just sit by the fire and chat. He stopped at the piano in the corner, and lifted the key lid and allowed his fingers to lightly play over the keys. No real tune, he simply wanted to hear the hammers as they lightly struck the strings. He hadn’t played in a long time, and he missed it. Again, he could smell her perfume. She was closer now. “Oh god, how I’d love to have you standing in front of me while I play around you.” His voice rumbled, barely above a whisper, but he knew she could hear him no matter where she stood in the room. He knew they were playing a dangerous game, that he should give up the chase, and make sure there was someone else in the room, but he couldn’t stop. She had affectionately called him dangerous, and he felt dangerous. All of his senses were engaged in finding her. His sense of smell almost brought him to his knees. To hear her skirts rustle as she slipped from room to room burned pictures in his brain that drove him wild. His fingers as they lightly touched the piano keys… Oh, the senses they touched. Oh, see, to see her. Touch, to touch her. Hear, to hear her. Smell, though light, he could smell her. The one sense he hadn’t engaged was taste. Oh how he wanted to kiss her. There were only two ways out of this room. The hall door, or outside. He suddenly felt the air pressure shift in the room, and he smiled as he stepped to the window. His heart melted as he watched the shimmering pink cloud hurrying down the garden path, her curls bouncing behind her shoulders. 

He knew where she would wind up. He wondered whether to go after her, or to hurry through the house and catch her when she came in the door. He loved that room. It was a tiny room, and during the cold months, the servants always maintained a small fire in the fireplace. They called it the tack room, and though saddles and bridles weren’t kept in here, the riding boots, and the buckskin breeches, that would not be worn into the house because oil from the saddles would transfer onto the furniture, were stored here. So you could come into the warm room after a long day of riding, sit on the bench that was upholstered in a beautiful French plaid wool and change out of your dirty boots and breeches. It smelled of clean leather, glycerin soap and boot polish. Definitely a man’s room, but he loved it. He decided to hurry through the house and catch her as she came back in through that door.

He was happy when he stepped into the little room and shut the door behind himself. She hadn’t been in here yet. He couldn’t smell her perfume. He could wait. He waited, and waited, and waited, and then sensed that maybe he should have followed her instead of thinking he could cut her off. Or…. Had he suddenly become the prey? It would be just like Charlotte to turn the tables on him. He opened the outside door and stepped down. It was getting light. He could hear birds twittering in the nearby Camellia bushes. Servants from other houses were starting to move around, their voices barely audible as they went quietly about completing their morning chores. He could smell bread baking and breakfasts being cooked. He heard the rolling of a stable door, the slap of a feed bin closing, the clinks of the stall door latches, and the nickers of hungry horses. ‘Where could she have gone?’

The incredible scent of Bergamot and Jasmine suddenly invaded his nostrils. He felt a warm hand clasp over his forehead and pull his head back against her chest. He then felt the cold steel against his throat, and an incredible whispered growl in his ear. “Arrrrrgh. No, Laddie, you’re mine, and I’m holding you in my brig till ya beg for mercy.”


	24. The Conspiracy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quisenberry are in for an unpleasant surprise.
> 
> Sidney and Charlotte are playing a dangerous pirate's game.
> 
> Bedford Place welcomes a most unexpected visitor.
> 
> Will this night ever end?

The Conspiracy

Lord Quisenberry gave his wife a quick, sly questioning smile, which she answered with a smile that said ‘yes.’ He promptly slid his chair away from the table, stretched, yawned and said, “Well, your Highness, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think it’s time we called it a night. It was definitely one for the record books.” He stood and reached for his wife’s chair. Others moved to follow his lead, but were stopped when Hans cleared his throat.

Quisenberry glanced at Hans and the Prince, and his heart dropped when he realized that neither of them made a move to leave the table, and neither of them looked happy to see him rise. He knew that he had smudged protocol, but after the night they had, he felt protocol had taken a vacation. Then he worried about Jenkins’ words to him when they stood outside the carriage. Could he and Martha be suspects in some dark conspiracy against the Prince? If so, why were they dining with him? He stared at the two men and waited.

The Prince gave Hans a nod allowing him to continue. “Lord Quisenberry, you may want to sit down for this.” He paled, then looked to his wife and slowly sat back down. 

“Are we under suspicion for something?” 

“No, right now you’re here for your protection.” The table went silent. Abigail moved to brew some more coffee and tea. “Miss Abigail, for the next few minutes no one leaves this room.” She looked to Thomas, and he gave her a kind, knowing smile which helped calm her nerves, and she moved to stand by Cynthia. Cynthia, knowing how terrified her friend must be, reached out and held her hand. Hans looked at Thomas. “It’s been a long night. I think we all need to be seated for this.” Almost instantly more chairs appeared, and space was made for the others. Before she sat down, Abigail poured herself half a cup of coffee, then reached for the brandy, also housed on the sideboard, and added a healthy shot to her cup. Several people noticed, but no one protested. Hans looked at Thomas, and said “I think Sidney and Miss Heywood need to be here for this.” Thomas nodded at Joey, and the boy was off like a Jack Russell Terrier hot on the trail of some unseen varmint. Thomas knew the boy could cover the entire first floor in a matter of seconds, where it would take three footmen minutes to cover the same space.

Sidney froze. There was only one sense that he hadn’t indulged this morning, and he wasn’t sure he could wait for it. He wanted to grab the arm holding the blade, he wanted…. Oh god, he knew he wanted to do more than just kiss her. The thought of hauling her back into the tack room and …… debauching her, consumed his thoughts, but he knew that after the dressing down she gave Hans, there was no way he was going to debauch this woman. Not today, anyway. He felt her breath on his ear, and he was instantly taken back to those earlier dreams. ‘No, Sidney, you are not going to let this happen.’ She dropped the blade, which he was glad to see was the ancient butter knife used to scrape sweat and grime from underneath the buckles and laces of the boots. Her hand moved to his throat and lifted his chin. She nipped his ear lobe and licked the skin just below his ear. The thought crossed his mind ‘does it count if she debauches me?’ He closed his eyes and moaned. She laughed and growled in his ear, the breath and vibrations drove him wild. “Ah,” she flicked her tongue in his ear, and as if reading his thoughts, she asked, “How does it feel to be the debauched, Mr. Parker?” She grabbed his cravat and shoulder, spun him around and kissed him every bit as roughly as he had kissed her earlier. Sidney did lose his mind. His hands raced over every inch of her upper body. His right hand slid down her back to her bum, a feeling so delightful, that his left hand quickly joined in the fun. He lifted her and backed her into the tack room. When he put her down, his hands found their way into her luscious curls. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in not only the scent of Bergamot and Jasmine, but also a scent that was so uniquely Charlotte it made his legs weak. He made his way down to her ear, and mirrored the same treatment she bestowed upon him just seconds before only he added to her pleasures by scraping his eight-day beard down her neck. She moaned. ‘Oh, god.’ Her breasts threatened to spill out of the top of her dress. ‘Stop, Sidney.’ He was lost. ‘Stop! But she’s doing the debauching!’ Both hands pushed upward, ‘Stop! This is not how you want this to happen…. Or is it?’ and he buried his face in the rising cleavage. 

“Mr. Parker?” The voice felt like a snake bite. Sidney looked up and locked angry eyes with Joey. Though inwardly he was glad the boy showed up when he did. In an expression and voice that gave the impression that he was simply calling Sidney away from his facts and figures for dinner, Joey said, “The Prince Regent wants to speak to both of you. Now.” He turned and sped back to the dining room. For once Sidney was happy to have a skirt to hide behind. He and Charlotte exchanged astonished expressions, then both smiled shyly as if both of them were embarrassed by what had just happened. Sidney could have kicked himself. He had not told Charlotte about the news of the broken engagement, and instantly felt guilty that he had allowed himself to get so carried away when Charlotte still believed he was engaged.   
She turned to leave, but Sidney stopped her. He didn’t want her to leave this spot not knowing how he felt.

Sidney took her hands and gazed into her eyes. “The engagement is off.” He knelt down on one knee. “I know this is all happening so quickly, but I don’t want us to lose another moment because I was too scared to speak. I want to spend the rest of my life playing pirate games with you. I want to argue with you and laugh with you and cry with you. I want to play the piano while you’re sitting in my lap, I want to have a family with you. Charlotte, I love you more than life itself. Will you marry me?” Charlotte stared, stunned. This was the moment she had always dreamed of, and she was tongue tied.

She smiled. “Arrrgh, Sidney. Didn’t I tell you I was locking you in my brig until you begged for mercy?” Sidney didn’t move. He didn’t smile. He held his breath and waited terrified that she would say no, or worse make a joke out of the whole proposal. He watched as her expression went from one of mirth, to surprise, to shock, to disbelieving. Finally her big brown eyes softened, and her entire face lit up. “Yes.” She whispered. They sealed their agreement with a controlled kiss, then turned and hurried back to the dining room.

Most everybody was seated when Sidney and Charlotte stepped into the room. The Prince was standing in the kitchen hallway talking quietly to another man. He made eye contact with Sidney, then showed the other man into the room. 

“Papa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys... I may deflower virgins, but I won't have them debauched.


	25. The Hairy Eyeball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney are BUSTED!
> 
> Mr. Heywood is not only unhappy about his circumstances before arriving at Bedford Place, but he's incensed by what he finds there.
> 
> Thomas speaks to Mr. Heywood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I was afraid I would not be able to complete the entire chapter this afternoon, so I hopefully found a decent stopping place. If I'm lucky I'll post the rest tonight.
> 
> Again, Thank-you for keeping up with this story, and for all your wonderful comments. My fingers, like Buddy, seem to have a mind of their own. I keep trying to tamp them down, but they keep throwing things on the page that surprise even me. Hopefully they know how to tie, and will be able to connect all these loose strings. 
> 
> Till next chapter!
> 
> Nancy

The Hairy Eyeball

In a split-second Charles Heywood took in his daughter’s appearance. The tousled hair, the swollen lips, the beard burn on her neck (he had left countless ones on Thelma over the years, he clearly recognized those marks) the wrinkled gown that clearly advertised her ample cleavage. He let his angry eyes slide over to Sidney Parker. Not quite as obvious as his daughter, but his hair was still tousled, his lips were also swollen, and his cravat askew. He narrowed his eyes noticing the bruising obviously obtained in a fight, but the tiny bruise under his ear obviously was not obtained in a fight.

The two were laughing when they walked into the room. They were not laughing now. Sidney looked down for just a second to collect his racing thoughts. The intense happiness he felt just seconds before was now being dashed on the rocks of a justifiably irate father. He took a breath, looked him square in the eye and stepped towards the man that fiercely loved the woman he loved. “Mr. Heywood, I presume?” He looked as if he was about to offer to shake the man’s hand, but Mr. Heywood stopped him before he even took two steps.

“Stop right there, Mr. Parker,” he said with barely veiled menace. “In the middle of the night, a convoy of riders and coaches descend upon MY farm. A man in a royal uniform, without explanation, says that the Prince Regent needs ME. Immediately. I’m whisked away from my wife and children not knowing what the hell’s going on, and half of the coaches and horsemen remain behind. I step into your house, and I’m almost laid out by a lad running like he just stole the king’s pocket watch. (the Prince discretely lifted his hand to reassure himself that his watch was where it belonged) Then I’m escorted by two royal footmen into a dining room filled with… with…” he glared at every eye staring back at him. He stumbled for words. “with a bunch of drunks who look like they’ve been up all night doing God knows what. AND YOU!” He turned his full fury onto Sidney. “YOU come in here all happy and cheerful after obviously debauching MY daughter! AND YOU think I want to shake your hand?” Everybody stared at their plates, pretending that this conversation was not really taking place. For the second time in twenty-four hours a Heywood had given the Prince Regent another indirect dressing down.

Sidney understood his fury. “You’re right, Mr. Heywood. We were both happy and cheerful, and I did… I kissed your daughter like I was going to die tomorrow…”

“More like this afternoon!” snarled Mr. Heywood. Both the Prince Regent and Susan tried to cut in, but Sidney’s calm voice cut through the chaos. 

“Let me finish, please.” None of this was going as Sidney wanted it to go, and he had no idea how to talk to the father of the woman he loved, who happened to have murder on his mind. He didn’t even understand why the man was here. “I was over the moon happy because Charlotte had just accepted my proposal of marriage.” Everybody in the room, except Mr. Heywood, sucked in a collective happy gasp. For a moment Mr. Heywood stood speechless. Charlotte stepped quietly up to Sidney, and took his hand. “I would have preferred to come to you to ask for your permission, but you suddenly showed up here. I have no idea what the Prince Regent has in mind.” Charlotte looked up at Sidney and gave him a brilliant smile and he happily returned it, hoping desperately that no signs of lust showed on his face. Mr. Heywood sighed heavily, pulled out the nearest chair, which happened to be the Prince’s chair, and sat down. Thomas moved quickly to replace it. 

Charlotte stepped over to her father, knelt beside him and took his hand. “Papa, I have no idea why you were called here, but it must be something important if the Prince sent so many men to insure your safety and quick arrival and the safety of our family back home.” He looked as if he was about to cry, but he said nothing. He raised Charlotte’s hand to his lips and kissed it, then he tucked a stray curl behind her ear. He released his favorite daughter, then turned towards the Prince. “Well?”

The Prince nodded to Hans. Hans cleared his throat and stood. He looked every bit a lord and a warrior. He appeared as if the uncomfortable scene that had just transpired in front of him was an everyday occurrence. “Mr. Heywood, I am Baron von Questenburg.” Starting with the Prince, then the Lords and Ladies then everybody else, ending with Joey, he went around the table and made the introductions. Mr. Heywood was astonished by the people Charlotte had become associated with, but he kept those thoughts well hidden. “Mr. Heywood, we have a lot to discuss, and you just arrived after a long coach ride. We’ve all been up all night, and I think we could all use a short break to freshen up, and Abigail can brew more coffee and tea, and set more food on the table, if there’s any left.” He smiled at the girl. “Let’s meet back in here in 30 minutes.” There was a collective sigh as everybody pushed away from the table, and dispersed to their respective guest rooms. When Mr. Heywood stepped past his daughter as he was leaving the dining room, he gave her a slight smile and squeezed her shoulder. He glanced at Sidney, but offered absolutely no encouragement. Thomas stepped out to show the Quisenberrys and Mr. Heywood to their rooms.

Once everyone had vacated the dining room, Charlotte looked at Sidney and chuckled, “That went well.”

“I’d take him over Mrs. Campion any day of the week.” He glanced towards the door. When he was certain they were alone he gave her another quick, passionate kiss. “Sorry, I better behave myself. I think your father wants to challenge me to a duel.” They both laughed cautiously knowing that Charles Heywood was not going to be easily appeased.

💜💜💜💜💜

As Thomas led the Quisenberrys and Mr. Heywood to their rooms, he was astonished that everything had been meticulously prepared for guests. Because he knew where all his staff had been, he assumed that the Prince’s footmen must have been busy putting things in order. He had no idea how many people were on the third floor, but he assumed that it must be a small army of staff. 

He stood in the doorway after he led Mr. Heywood to his room. Both men were close in age. Mr. Heywood turned his weary eyes on the butler essentially giving him permission to speak. “Mr. Heywood, I know all this looks bad to you, but I do understand some of what’s going on here. I can’t answer your questions, but I can assure you that you will be thankful for all this after hearing about what transpired here last night.” Charles Heywood raised disbelieving eyebrows. “I can tell you, I have known Sidney Parker since he was a boy, and because both of his parents died when he was quite young, I, in an odd way, moved into the father role. Sidney is like the son I never had, and I’d lay down my life for that young man. After his parents died, he had his heart broken by the now Mrs. Campion. For almost a decade, the bright boy I knew had retreated into a sullen man, then your daughter blew onto the scene like a light, warm ocean breeze, and for the first time in ten years, I saw Sidney Parker truly smile. Without even trying, Miss Heywood improves everything and everyone around her. Everyone, from the servants to the Prince, have been touched in a positive way by your daughter. She’s a remarkable young lady. I thought my heart would burst when the two of them came rushing into the dining room. I’ve never known two people more suited to each other. I know their appearances would be a challenge for any father. I probably would have reacted the same way had it been my own daughter, but before you drop the hammer on the young man, please listen to not only what the Prince has to say, but what others have to say about last evening. I think you will have an entirely different view of Sidney Parker after knowing the circumstances. I’ll see you in the dining room.”

Mr. Heywood said nothing, but nodded, acknowledging he had heard what the other man had said. Thomas stepped out and quietly closed the door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for all you grammarphobes... Since I first typed the word Quisenberry in the plural, I've been unhappy as to how to handle the name.
> 
> Quisenberrys - I'm not entirely happy with this, but spell check hates it.   
> Quisenberry's - Well, most of the time I'm not using the possessive.  
> Quisenberries - they're humans, not fruit.  
> Suggestions? 🙄🤔


	26. Mrs. Campion's Tangled Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hans lays out what Eliza Campion had in store for Charlotte and Sidney.
> 
> Sidney is struck by the depths of Tom's betrayal.
> 
> The Prince Regent makes them an offer they can't refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm afraid there's nothing funny about this chapter, and there's no romance, either. This is housekeeping, so hopefully I can knock several players off the board. This does move things along for Sidney and Charlotte. You guys seemed to want a wedding right now, and this is the only way I could come up with a quick solution. I think the next chapter will be back to the fun.
> 
> Like I've said, I never really know where my fingers will take me until I see it on my computer screen.
> 
> Thanks for keeping up with this story and all your great comments!

Mrs. Campion’s Tangled Web

Charles Heywood was going to seat himself between Sidney and his daughter until Hans motioned to him to sit next to the Prince and across from himself. All the servants but Thomas were excused for the rest of the morning.

“Mr. Heywood, you need to hear every word of this because it not only affects Charlotte, it affects you, your family, and everybody else seated at this table. Charlotte paled and looked at her father, her brown eyes filled with questions and fear. Sidney reached out and held her hand on top of the table, and Mr. Heywood said nothing. “First off, everything said here today must never leave this room.” Hans looked around the table, and he didn’t continue until he had unanimous agreement. “There has always been chatter against the Prince Regent, and less so against Lady Susan.” Neither person looked surprised by this news. “However, Mr. Parker, when your ward was kidnapped, and Miss Heywood came to London to find her, her sleuthing landed both of you and Miss Lamb in a hornets’ nest.” Sidney and Charlotte exchanged glances. “We had heard that a wealthy heiress had been kidnapped, but we didn’t know who or from where.”

“How did you know about her kidnapping?” asked Sidney.

“Henry Beecroft.”

“Beecroft?” Sidney felt his blood run cold. He squeezed Charlotte’s hand tighter. 

Hans continued. “Mr. Beecroft is a loyal and most important asset of the Realm.” There were several angry mumbles around the table. Charlotte squeezed Sidney’s hand trying to calm the storm she knew was rising inside him. “For years we have been trying to infiltrate a ring that we believe was sponsored by Harrison Campion. Beecroft has spent years cultivating his back-alley sleaze operator persona. It’s beyond me how, even with support he’s managed to survive so long. Several people, both men and women have died trying to break this ring.”

“Women?” Lord Quisenberry asked. 

“Yes, they pose as prostitutes, and three have disappeared over the years.”

“Were they murdered?” asked Crowe.

“No, we believe they were sold as high-end sex slaves to various places around the globe.” Alfred Quisenberry blanched. Everybody around the table sat stunned.

“Mr. Heywood,” Hans looked directly at him, “in a matter of hours, your daughter along with Mr. Parker, unwittingly managed to accomplish what we’ve been trying to do for years. Your daughter actually walked into a brothel and between the two of them,” he looked at Sidney and Charlotte, “They managed to determine what time the kidnappers left with Miss Lamb, and where they were headed. By the time we got word of what was happening we were already hours behind them. And, we have never before been able to retrieve a victim once she had been taken.” Mr. Heywood, whose face had turned an unnerving shade of red, glared at both Sidney and Charlotte. Tears ran down her face, but she did not turn her eyes away from her father. “Because of them, we were able to determine that one man involved was Barnabus Howard. We still don’t know who his accomplice was, and we believe Mrs. Campion financed the kidnapping. Lord Babington apprised us of what eventually transpired, and we managed to get you tickets to Mrs. Maudsley’s Rout. That is where you met Lady Susan.” Charlotte felt she had been slapped. She turned an incredulous look towards the woman she considered one of her best friends. She took a breath to speak.

Susan gave the girl a look that conveyed a mix of sternness, kindness and love. “Hear him out completely before you say anything.” 

Charlotte looked at Sidney, and watched as his jaw flexed and relaxed almost as if the muscles were pulsating with his heartbeat. He looked back at her and squeezed her hand again. 

“Lady Susan is not only your sponsor and friend, she and her staff are your protectors,” Hans continued. “We don’t know who the second man in the coach was.”

“I can draw him,” said Charlotte.

“Good, but you need to listen to this first.” Hans continued. “The Campions always relied on contract ships to deliver their goods around the world. When she discovered you two were going to the ball, she somehow finagled a last-minute invitation and showed up. We think she felt she could easily seduce Mr. Parker which was why she was there. You, Miss Heywood, didn’t become her target until she saw you dancing with Mr. Parker.” Charlotte and Sidney both exchanged a glance that conveyed both love and hurt. We believed, Mr. Parker, that she wanted to marry you for your ships. If you had married her, we don’t think you would have survived, and she would have wound up with your enterprise. Mrs. Campion has taken over her husband’s enterprises, in fact, we believe that there was foul play involved in his death, but we could never prove it. Not that we cared, he was one less criminal we had to pursue. That said, she has many contacts who could easily do her bidding. Beecroft has been frantically trying to keep up with her, but she has become suspicious of him, and we’re afraid that he, too may be a target. However we do not think she’s quite as savvy as her late husband.”

“So, what does all this have to do with my family?” Mr. Heywood asked.

“Miss Heywood was in Mrs. Campion’s way. She wanted her gone, but Miss Heywood never stayed in one place long enough for her men to catch up with her. We had heard chatter about this, and had Miss Heywood, Miss Lamb and Mr. Parker all under constant surveillance for their protection. Mrs. Campion had no intentions of murdering Miss Heywood, she wanted to send her abroad to sell her. On the open black market, a lady like Miss Heywood could bring close to half of what’s owed on the Sanditon debt.” Shocked looks from around the table, landed on the Prince. He grimaced and nodded. “She’s not titled, so what Mrs. Campion was counting on was that, because she was a young woman, the authorities would give up their search assuming she had eloped with someone. It happens all the time.” Charlotte gazed at Sidney, but she couldn’t read his expression. She looked at her father, and he looked totally distraught. She looked at Susan, and she grimaced, raised her eyebrows and nodded.

Mr. Heywood spoke up. “Why did you leave so many men at our farm?”

“It wasn’t until last night that we started hearing chatter about your other daughters. We don’t think many people knew exactly how many siblings Miss Heywood had, but somehow, they found out. We believe that they thought that if they couldn’t kidnap Miss Heywood, then they could disable her by kidnapping one or more of her sisters.” Tears were pouring down Charlotte’s cheeks, and Sidney reached into his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. He pulled her chair next to his, and looped her arm through his, then laced his fingers with hers. He looked at Mr. Heywood, and a slight understanding seemed to pass across the older man’s haunted eyes. 

“Miss Heywood, you have been the catalyst for Mrs. Campion’s downfall. She wasn’t quite smart enough to hold her deceased husband’s empire together, but then she was also consumed by jealousy over you. Not just because of Mr. Parker, but also because of your seemingly effortless rise through society. Once the jealousy set in, she started making mistakes.” 

“Where is Mrs. Campion now?” asked Sidney.

“We have her under house arrest and under heavy surveillance. We are hoping that Mr. Howard will try to contact her.”

“Do you know where Mr. Howard is?” Sidney asked.

“No, he’s a big, ugly, slippery guy, and so far, he has evaded us. You were lucky, Mr. Parker, I don’t doubt that he would have hesitated to put a bullet through you that afternoon you rescued Miss Lamb. Quite frankly, I don’t understand why he didn’t.”

Sidney looked at Charlotte, and the first half smile passed between them since the meeting started. If Charlotte hadn’t been so adept at handling a firearm, he had no doubt that things could have gone very differently that day. 

“Is Tom involved with this?” Sidney asked.

Hans responded honestly. “He’s certainly a suspect, and he’s not entirely clean, but we also believe that Mrs. Campion may have been blackmailing him. We do believe that her invitation to Mrs. Maudsley’s earlier rout came from Tom, because when Lord Babington secured the invitations he wasn’t sure if Mrs. Parker was in town with her husband, so the invitation simply read Mr. Tom Parker and guest.” Sidney lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We believe that Mrs. Campion’s web is wide spread. 80,000 pounds, though a huge amount of money, is not completely insurmountable with the amount of cash that flows through London. We believe she and possibly others blackmailed bankers into shutting out the Parker brothers. It was unfortunate that Lady Denham only gave you one week to come up with funding. There were enough people around who could have invested in the rebuild, but you didn’t have time to find them. We will probably never know how many powerful people she controls.”

“Which brings us to yesterday afternoon. We heard that you could possibly be a target at the Valentine’s Day ball, but we didn’t want to tell you about it because we were worried that any ‘above board’ cancellation on your part would flush Mrs. Campion. We arranged that fight to keep you away from the ball.” Sidney scowled. Hans continued. “I told you the fight was mostly theatrics, but you refused to go down and stay down, so I had to add a bit more pressure. After that first punch to your chest, I could have polished you off in a most unpleasant manner, but we still had to make it look like a real fight. Hence the taps to your torso.” He smirked. Sidney ran his hand over his battered chest and grimaced. “I had no idea that your friends would come back here and continue the damage of the beautiful Sidney Parker’s face, but it was a stroke of genius. Mrs. Campion always teetered close to the edge, and I think Mr. Crowe brought her down without having to fire a single shot. You were lucky that Joey and Thomas managed to squirrel away that letter before either Tom or Eliza got their hands on it.” 

Sidney put his elbows on the table and covered his face in his hands. He couldn’t believe his brother would betray him in such a heinous fashion. Charlotte placed her hand on his upper arm and did her best to try to soothe him. 

“Which brings us to you, Miss Heywood. We also believed that you may have been a target last night, and quite frankly, when you ran out and were helped into the carriage, I honestly thought we were going to lose you.” Charlotte looked at her father, his face pale and his eyes distraught. “We were surprised that Lord Quisenberry picked you up.”

“How did you know it was Lord Quisenberry?” asked Crowe. 

“Three bays and a grey. Nobody in their right mind would kidnap a person with a team of horses that conspicuous.” Everybody chuckled, but Lord Quisenberry. “When you went to the boarding house,” Hans tried to lessen the blow by not calling the place by its usual name, “You ran in, and ran back out.” Quisenberry couldn’t look at his wife. “That caused an explosion of chatter on both sides, but mostly on the Campion side. Everybody knew Miss Heywood had been in your carriage, but they never saw where she got out. Some on our side worried that you had dropped her there for her to be transferred to someone else. We heard from both camps that you had left a message there, and both sides wondered what you did with the girl. You and Lady Quisenberry dodged a bullet when Jenkins stopped your carriage. We know he was in Campion’s pocket. We understand he threatened to run you in, and to confiscate your horses. We don’t think they knew that the Lady was in the carriage, and when she stepped out, she evidently made enough noise and attracted enough attention that they decided to follow your carriage back to Bedford Place. They also knew from the questions they asked you that Miss Heywood, and the Prince were at the Parker home. We believe Jenkins thought he had enough men to overpower what little staff was here, and made a quick plan to kidnap both Miss Heywood and the Prince Regent. Luckily, we had a large enough contingent with us, that Jenkins’ men were quickly subdued before they could do any damage. Of course Jenkins never looked back, so he essentially treed himself in the study.”

With this, Crowe stood, walked to the side board, picked up all the glasses he could handle and passed them around the table. He then picked up the brandy, port and wine and anything else he could get his hands on and brought those to the table as well. He poured himself and Sidney stiff glasses of the brandy, and everybody else followed suit with the alcohol of their choosing.

Once everybody settled, Hans soldiered on. “Which brings us to last night’s business meeting in your chambers, Mr. Parker. Your decision to conduct that meeting in the nude was another stroke of dumb genius. Several people chuckle, but Mr. Heywood gave Sidney another looked that threatened a duel at dusk. “Mr. Heywood, don’t worry. Miss Heywood was nowhere near that meeting.” Mr. Heywood gave Sidney a look that suggested that this would be a topic for later discussion. “Anyway, it completely knocked Tom out of commission, and Mrs. Campion was so flustered that she babbled the entire time she was in the carriage with my footmen. She told them she had to stop the contract against the beautiful Mr. Parker, then she proceeded to try to entice them into a, uh three-way. They got so sick of hearing her that they gagged her and bound her wrists. That said they have been interrogating her, but I haven’t gotten any information back as to what they may have found.”

“Maybe you should send a naked Sidney over to do the interrogation,” Crowe smirked. Everybody looked his way, but nobody laughed. Sidney looked like he was ready to throttle the man. “Never mind. Just trying to lighten the mood.”

“So, how are we going to protect the Heywoods and the Parkers?” Ester had been quiet for most of the morning, but she was tired and wanted to move things along. 

Hans sat down, and the Prince took over the meeting. “I’m certain you will be afforded damages from Mrs. Campion. She’s caused more trouble than just a forced engagement, so I think you will probably be able to at least hold on to the money she’s already invested in Sanditon. Because he talked mostly to women this time, apparently Tom raised some interest from several heavy hitters. Apparently, husbands pretty much do what their wives want.” Everybody at the table thought of the ball, and the obvious number of men hiding out at the gaming tables, and they nodded in agreement. I also think we can come up with some fairly inexpensive patient money with a payout spread out over years not months. However, though we don’t know what’s going to happen with Tom, he’s out. He will have absolutely no say in the planning, building, management and financing of Sanditon. I’m hoping you will be in charge of the project.” He looked at Sidney, and he sighed and nodded. “And which brings me to what I hope will be the fun part of this meeting, and the main reason for dragging Mr. Heywood all the way to London. Sidney, it’s much easier to offer you and your family protection if you live in a smaller town. We had planned this before you made your happy announcement this morning, so I hope you will agree to my offer. We feel strongly that the sooner you two are married, the safer you will be, and I’ve prepared a special license to help move this process along. Provided Mr. Heywood agrees, you can be married this afternoon or next week. Whenever you want. Where ever you want, and I will lend you the staff to help facilitate the process quickly. We have enough carriages in Willingden to bring your family here or to Sanditon if you choose.”

Charlotte and Sidney looked at each other in happy shock. She glanced at Susan, and she smiled and said “Why not?”

She then looked at her father. He gave her a slightly good natured, what can I do about it shrug, and he smiled at his daughter. He gave Sidney a more reserved look, but it appeared that there would be no duel in the back garden, at least not this afternoon.

She looked at the Prince Regent, and he grinned and nodded.

She looked at Hans, he chuckled and said “I knew I was beaten several hours ago in the study.”

She looked at Sidney and said, “well then.”

He responded, “well then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew..... glad this one's over!


	27. Mr. Parker, A Word?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Mr. Heywood have a substantial conversation.
> 
> Thank goodness Mr. Heywood is sill seated at the end of the chapter.
> 
> Charlotte suggests that she should conduct a nude meeting.
> 
> It's time for these people to get some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. We're getting there.

Mr. Parker, A Word

As the meeting broke up, Mr. Heywood spoke first. He was not about to let anybody else claim Sidney’s attentions until after he had talked with the man. “Mr. Parker, a word?”

Sidney nodded to the man he hoped would be his future father-in-law. “Yes sir, follow me. Can I have tea brought in?” There was plenty of alcohol available in the library, but he thought he’d at least offer. Abigail, now that the meeting was over, had stepped into the dining room, and Sidney spoke briefly to her. He looked at Charlotte, gave her a quick smile and a wink, then walked out of the room with Mr. Heywood.

When they stepped into the library, Sidney was glad to see that the curtains were opened, a nice fire was laid, and several candles lit the darker corners. He stepped up to the mantle and picked up a couple of glasses and a decanter. “Do you care for some Brandy?” Mr. Heywood nodded, and Sidney poured him a healthy glass. He motioned to the wing chairs by the fireplace, and the other man sighed and sat.

For several moments they both sipped their brandies, neither knowing exactly where to start. Because of Mr. Heywood’s arrival, the roles had oddly been reversed, and it made an already awkward situation worse. Sidney stated the obvious. “Mr. Heywood, I don’t know where to start.” Charles Heywood nodded in agreement, finished his brandy, and held his glass out for more which Sidney happily replenished.

“Were you the reason why my much beloved daughter came home early from her adventure to Sanditon with an entirely altered personality?”

Sidney winced, but looked at the other man. “Yes sir, I believe so.” Charles sighed, and neither spoke for a minute. 

“And, am I to believe that you not only took my daughter into a brothel, but you rode almost all the way to Scotland with her alone in a carriage?” It was actually a civil question.

“It may be easier if I simply tell you about that entire day.”

Mr. Heywood looked at the half full decanter. “Is there enough brandy to last this conversation?”  
“I have more stashed away in here if it’s needed,” Sidney smiled. Charles Heywood gave a slight smile, and nodded indicating that Sidney should continue.

Sidney sat still for a moment gathering his thoughts. “Miss Heywood, Charlotte…. May I call her Charlotte?” he asked. Her father nodded.

“For years, Sanditon has hosted a cricket match between the gentlemen and the workers. Charlotte organized most of last year’s game, and she did an amazing job. However during the game, there was a bit of a row between Tom and his workers. Evidently, he was weeks behind in their wages, and when a bad call was made tempers flared. Tom walked away from the game, and we thought we were going to have to forfeit. Charlotte stepped in and announced ‘I’ll play.’ Everybody was stunned. Actually the workers were all for it, but it took a bit of convincing for the referee to allow her to play. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Charles Heywood gave a slight nod and an even slighter knowing smile. Sidney continued. “We were behind when she stepped up to bat. I, of course, thinking she was a girl and had no idea as to what she was doing, tried to tell her what to do.” This drew out a slight knowing guffaw from her father. “She simply stated that she knew what she was doing, and that I was putting her off.” Her father smiled again. ‘this isn’t going too badly,’ Sidney thought to himself. “She played… she played well, and she won the game for us.” Again Mr. Heywood looked as if what Sidney was telling him was no surprise. 

“She had planned to spend much of the afternoon with my ward, Georgiana Lamb, but in all the confusion they lost track of each other. This shouldn’t have been a problem because there were many people around that Miss Lamb knew. However,” Mr. Heywood raised an eyebrow as if he had an idea as to what was coming next. “Miss Lamb slipped away from the match, and when her governess, Mrs. Griffiths, noticed she was gone, Charlotte was the first to race back to town. I found her in Mrs. Griffiths’ home which was where Georgiana resided. Having heard that Miss Lamb was missing, our foreman came in and told us that several of his men had seen Miss Lamb being bundled into a carriage. Charlotte admitted that she had been acting as a go between for Georgiana and a man by the name of Otis Molineux. Georgiana has a vast fortune, and she’s a target for men like him.” Charles’ eyes narrowed. “I knew things about him, and I told neither Charlotte nor Miss Lamb. This was a grievous error on my part. I wouldn’t find out until this morning exactly how deeply Mr. Molineux was involved in her kidnapping. In a fit of anger, I gave Charlotte a dressing down and laid the responsibility of Miss Lambs predicament on her shoulders. Again, another deplorable mistake. I immediately took our carriage to London. The thought that Charlotte may follow never crossed my mind. She snuck away and took the London coach.” Mr. Heywood raised his eyebrows in surprise. Sidney stopped, poured himself another brandy, offered some to Mr. Heywood which was accepted. He was trying to buy himself some time and figure out how much to tell her father. He decided this was all or nothing. 

“Charlotte had made her way to the address where she had been sending Georgiana’s letters.” Sidney stopped, he didn’t want to even think about what happened next much less tell Mr. Heywood. He took several swallows of his brandy. 

Mr. Heywood, noticing his hesitation, said, “The best way, son, is straight through.” 

Sidney shook his head, the reference of ‘son’ was not lost on him. “The address Charlotte had tracked down was in a rather seedy section of London. I came upon a woman being attacked by a man,” he purposely left out that said man wielded a knife, “It wasn’t until after I dispatched him that I realized the woman was Charlotte.” Charles Heywood’s eyes had been cast down, but when he heard this, without lifting his chin, he lifted his eyes to Sidney’s. His expression unreadable. “It was Charlotte who led us to the Sons of Africa, an antislavery organization that Mr. Molineux was involved with. It was Otis who led us to Beecroft. I still can’t believe he works for the Crown. After we were told at that meeting that Georgiana had been sold to Mr. Howard, it was Charlotte who picked up on the insinuated implication that money had yet to change hands and that Georgiana must still be in London awaiting that exchange. The only other place that I knew that belonged to Beecroft was a brothel.” Sidney charged on not wanting to tell Mr. Heywood how he knew about the establishment, and Mr. Heywood did not look inclined to ask. “When we arrived, I told Charlotte to wait. I felt she was safe in my carriage because she was under the protection of my coachman and footman. Once inside, and I’m talking to the madam, much to my horror, Charlotte appears at my elbow.” Mr. Heywood held out his glass for more brandy. Sidney picked up the decanter, but gave the other man an ‘are you sure,’ smirk. 

“I’m having a hard time with what you’re telling me, and if I’m too drunk to remember, then I don’t have to tell Thelma,” the other man said. Both men shared a slight chuckle. 

“Somehow, Charlotte got the madam,” Sidney thought the wisest choice would be to leave out the fact that he knew her by name. “To tell us when the kidnappers left and their destination. I don’t know how she does it, but I believe Charlotte could squeeze tomatoes out of rocks.” This made her father laugh in understanding. Charles Heywood, had a hard time whenever he came under Charlotte’s scrutiny.

“Frankly there was no time to take her back to Bedford Place. We left immediately for Scotland. We stopped a couple of times at inns along the way to get something to eat and drink and to change horses. Amazingly we were able to catch up with Howard, and rescue Georgiana. Had we waited for the king’s men, we would have been too late. We never would have found her without Charlotte.” 

“On the way back, we spent the night in an inn. Charlotte and Georgiana stayed together in one room, and my footman, coachman and I took rooms on either side of them. I knew it was less than ideal, but we had no other choice.”

“I think you heard most of the rest of the story this morning, and I would be happy to fill in the blanks, but I think that may take a lifetime.”

“Mr. Heywood, I love Charlotte, and I want to marry her, and I believe, no I know she wants to marry me, too.”

“You, the Prince, Lady Susan, and everyone else sitting around that table this morning.” Heywood smirked.

“I will thank God for the rest of my life that my engagement to Mrs. Campion came to an end.”

“According to Hans, it sounded like she may have blackmailed your brother, but what was her hold on you?”

It didn’t take long for Sidney to explain the situation, then Mr. Heywood asked him to bring in Charlotte.

When she appeared still wearing the pink gown, her father asked, “Are you ever going to take that dress off?” He regretted the words the second they left his mouth, and he didn’t miss the quick hungry glance that passed between Charlotte and Sidney. “Oh, for crying out loud. Get your mind out of the gutter, boy,” he said gruffly. Because Sidney was slightly drunk, and Charlotte was exhausted from lack of sleep, they both started snickering. Because Mr. Heywood was also slightly drunk, and suffering from lack of sleep, he snickered as well. Then Charlotte made a comment that she would forever blame on the lack of sleep. “There’s nothing I’d like more than to get out of this dress right now, but because all my clothing is at Susan’s, I would have to conduct our meetings naked.” Charlotte was the only one laughing. Mr. Heywood looked horrified, Sidney’s mouth went dry, and he actually blushed. He had to look away, but he couldn’t shut off the images that raced through his brain. Not only those of their earlier ‘pirate dance,’ but of him getting a good hold of that pink dress and removing it in one swift ungentlemanly yank. ‘Oh god, and her father’s not ten feet away from me…. 100, 97, 94, 91, 88, 85, 82, 79…….. Eliza Campion….. 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256….. Tom Parker…..’ anything to take his mind off those images.

A smiling Sidney took Charlotte’s hand. “Mr. Heywood, would you please give Charlotte and me your blessing to get married?”

“Good Lord, son! You two are getting married by a royal decree! You definitely don’t need my approval.” He said it as a joke, but it stung Sidney, and he didn’t laugh.

What he said next stunned both Charlotte and her father. “I won’t marry her without your approval, and if you disapprove, I will work a lifetime to prove myself to you.”

“Sidney, you are already going to have to work a lifetime to prove yourself to me. You might as well get married now and save yourself the second trip.” He laughed, but Sidney’s expression didn’t change, and the look on his face told Mr. Heywood that his question had not been answered.

Mr. Heywood’s expression softened into a genuine smile. “Yes, son. I’ve never seen my daughter happier. How can I not do all I can to insure she stays that way? Of course you both have my and Thelma’s blessings. However, I do want you to be married in a church, and,” he looked at Charlotte, “your mother and sisters would kill me if I got to see your wedding and they were left out. The church is your choice.” 

Charlotte looked at Sidney. “Is there room in Sanditon for everybody? I think the kids would love to see the ocean!”

“February is a down time for Sanditon. Of course we have room, and if we don’t I’ll make room. Sanditon in three days?”  
Mr. Heywood shrugged. “If the Prince Regent’s staff can make it happen, why not?”

Sidney looked at Charlotte and grinned. He pulled her close and kissed her. 

Mr. Heywood cleared his throat loudly. “Watch yourself, boy.”


	28. Mrs. Heywood Responds....HOLD YOUR HORSES!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afternoon rest.... uneventful.
> 
> Susan's dinner..... Well, sorry, ladies, I had to shut us off.
> 
> So sorry..... I simply couldn't address Thelma.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink of the night..... Dry martini....shaken not stirred.
> 
> Wish I could have continued, but I had to stop.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
> 
> Poor Thelma will be dealt with tomorrow.

Thelma Heywood responds, “HOLD YOUR HORSES!”

Three days? Are you out of your mind!  
I received your missive at supper time.  
That leaves me exactly ONE day to get myself and 11 children ready.  
ONE WEEK!   
AND NOT A DAY EARLIER.  
THELMA

After Sidney’s and Mr. Heywood’s conversation, things settled down at Bedford Place. Hans and the Prince made their ways back to the Palace. The Quisenberrys and the Babingtons went home, discretely tailed by several royal footmen. Mr. Crowe went home with promises to Cynthia that he would be back later that evening. There was talk about Charlotte staying at Bedford Place to maintain the fiction that she had disappeared, but they decided that enough people already knew of her so-called rescue by Lord Quisenberry and that it was better she and Susan maintain their regular routine so as to not tip-off Howard. 

Earlier, Hans helped Sidney craft two more black tooth caps and one gold one. They felt that the gossip mill needed to maintain the fact that Sidney had lost his teeth, and that Crowe was able to reset all but one of them in order to maintain the fiction that he had been severely beaten. Hans had jars of purple and yellow powders, which allowed him to increase the severity of Sidney’s bruised coloring on his nose, chin and ear. They decided NEVER to revisit the cauliflower disguise ever again. Sidney was amazed when he looked in the mirror at how real the extra coloring appeared. 

“You really are into theatrics,” he quipped.

“I told you, and I have many tricks up my sleeve,” Hans responded.

Susan sent a message to Mabel Maudsley to let her know that Charlotte was safe, and she was pleasantly surprised by the quick response. “We need to fix the damage Eliza’s doing to Miss Heywood.” Susan smiled to herself. ‘This is working out well.’ She sent other messages to the Ladies Quisenberry and Babington asking for their help with the guest list. Before she settled down for a long afternoon nap, she planned an impromptu dinner for that evening, and, after she awoke, to her amazement, everybody accepted. ‘So,’ she thought, ‘we’ll get the rumor mill grinding on Sidney’s messed up face and lost tooth. And, we’ll give Charlotte another little boost into society.’ Much to Charlotte’s chagrin, they decided that she should not be present tonight. Susan would make her excuses stating that the girl was exhausted after all the events of last night. Amongst other invited guests, the entire breakfast group, except for Charlotte, Tom, the Prince and Hans would attend. They would say that Mr. Heywood rushed to London when he heard that Charlotte had been kidnapped, and they would elaborate on Eliza’s announcement of her broken engagement to Sidney. For the moment, they would keep quiet about Sidney’s new engagement to Charlotte.

Except for the army of people on the third floor, Bedford Place was also quite peaceful that afternoon. So consumed with thoughts of his cat and mouse game with Charlotte, the resulting tangling of their limbs, and the ferocity of their kisses, Sidney didn’t think he would sleep, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was gone. 

Thomas was also thankful for the rest, and that his staff could rest as well. Looking back, he actually enjoyed himself last night, but he hoped there would not be a repeat tonight.

Charlotte was a bit disappointed that her gown came off in one piece. She took a much-needed bath, then she did something she had never done before… She slipped between her sheets naked. She chastised herself for the thought of Sidney making his way up here after dinner and conducting a private meeting with her. Maybe he could be naked, too. The heat flash hit her so quickly that she had to throw off the covers. She looked down at her naked body and wondered what Sidney would think. ‘Oh god, he was perfect.’ But she knew that her stature and curves were not considered desirable as far as the ‘ton’ was concerned. She closed her eyes and thought about how he had kissed and touched her before breakfast. Her last thought before sleep overtook her was, ‘only three days.’

Before Mr. Heywood settled down, he was filled with almost a sad nostalgia. He knew Charlotte was beyond happy, and he was happy for her. But he felt he was giving a major part of himself to Sidney Parker. And for whatever odd reason, he was also sad but happy that Sidney seemed to have some understanding of how he must be feeling. He’s a good lad, he thought to himself, but he better not catch the boy trying to debauch his daughter before they were married.

💜💜💜💜💜

Susan always hosted delightful dinner parties. However, Susan never hosted a dinner party without a set personal agenda. Tonight, her agenda was to blaze a trail for Charlotte and Sidney. Though the men probably weren’t informed, the women knew precisely why they were there. Well there were two reasons. 1. To wrench Charlotte Heywood out of the terrible gossip mongering that Eliza Campion was laying on the girl. Little did they know that Eliza had already been neutralized. And 2. To gaze as Sidney Parker. Everybody wanted to see what he looked like without a tooth, but then they realized that most of them had never seen him smile, so they weren’t entirely sure if that tooth had ever been in his mouth. 

The men were interested in hearing about Sidney’s interests in shipping, and especially Antigua. There was an aura of mystery that seemed to permeate the being of the man which made him intriguing to both men and women. His shipping business ran the gambit from textiles from India, wines from France and Rum from the Caribbean. He also shipped goods from the Americas, but he avoided all businesses that had even a trace of slavery attached to them. He told of the horrors of the slave trade, and the dehumanizing slave markets in the West Indies. They were shocked when he actually had to stop and collect himself before he continued. He knew first-hand the horrors of the trade, and he was thinking about what Eliza Campion had in store for Charlotte or her sisters. He almost had to leave the table. Everybody who had been at breakfast had an idea of what he was going through, but nobody else understood his personal connection. During this conversation, Susan glanced at Charles Heywood, and he looked pale and terrorized. This made her even more determined to protect the girl they all loved.

They were also surprised when Sidney admitted to doing some work in the West Indies for the Crown. He didn’t elaborate, and that got everyone’s minds, especially the women’s, thinking about privateering. Was Sidney Parker really a pirate sanctioned by the King of England? All the women pressed their knees together, and leaned into the table, exposing their ample and some, not so ample cleavages to the man seated next to their hostess. Lady Faye Gray asked a question about if he had any encounters with pirates. He smiled, exposing his missing tooth. Susan didn’t think she could contain her mirth. She could see Lady Fay inwardly swooning over the thought of Sidney Parker, the pirate. She looked around the table, and was astonished to see that Lady Faye wasn’t the only woman running wild visual images of Sidney Parker through their brains, most likely wondering if there was any possibility of being ravaged by a real pirate who happened to be sitting in their midst. Susan wondered if she was going to be able to promote Charlotte tonight, or if she was going to have some fun with this Caribbean rum runner. 

Lord Wittenauer, Lady Patricia’s husband was the first man at the table to notice the positions of every woman there. He inwardly groaned, rolled his eyes, thought of the gaming tables, and the trouble that every man in the Beau Monde experienced because of the loss of Sidney Parker’s teeth. He caught George Maudsley’s attention, and cut his eyes towards the enraptured women. George, being in the middle of a large swig of his brandy, snorted. The snort attracted the attention of Count Glenfiddich husband of Countess Martha of Edenbridge. He also took in the raptured appearances of the seated wives, and he was hit with an eureka thought. This was their ticket out of purgatory! They now had the goods on their vengeful spouses. Every man’s attention was now riveted on their horny wives. Charles Heywood simply sat back and watched the scene unfold. It was like nothing he had ever seen before. 

Ester looked at Babington taking the scene. She touched him lightly to get his attention, and he avoided her look. She pinched him. She actually pinched him to get him to look at her. He couldn’t look at his wife. He knew exactly what she was thinking about the other women. She put her hand on his thigh, and when he finally looked at her, she gave him a wicked grin, and ran her hand ALL THE WAY up his thigh. Babington let out a quiet, but quite feminine “OH!” Ester looked at Susan, and the other lady could hardly contain herself. They all looked at Sidney who was totally clueless. He looked at Susan. “Is there dessert in the offering?” he asked.


	29. The Slope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies of the Beau Monde remember "the dance."
> 
> The men are trying to discretely determine if Sidney is really a pirate.
> 
> Sidney makes his way upstairs, and is stunned.
> 
> Mr. Heywood hands Sidney Thelma's note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. I’ve kind of painted myself into a corner. I put all these people, powerful people, who can and want to help both Sidney and Charlotte, together in the same room, and I’m clueless as to what to do with them. Absolutely clueless!! So, I suppose I’ll have to use the old yellow pages jingle, and just ‘let my fingers do the walking.’ I hope they know they’re in a bad neighborhood, and know how to walk fast!
> 
> So here’s the guest list for the dinner. Starting with the women.
> 
> Lady Susan, of course  
> Ester Babington  
> Martha Quisenberry  
> Mrs. Mabel Maudsley
> 
> Ladies who were in the group that confronted Eliza after Charlotte ran out.
> 
> Lady Faye Gray  
> Lady Martha Glenfiddich, Countess of Edenbridge  
> Lady Patricia Wittenaur  
> Mrs. Margaret Miller
> 
> Men at Susan’s Dinner
> 
> Sidney Parker  
> Charles Heywood  
> Crowe  
> Lord Babington  
> Lord Quisenberry
> 
> Lord Andrew Gray  
> Lord John Glenfiddich  
> Lord Aubrey Wittenaur  
> Mr. Dan Miller

The Slope

After dessert of a very strong rum cake, the party split up with the women separating into the warm parlor, and the men opting for the library to smoke their cigars, sip more brandy, and hopefully gather more information from Sidney Parker. 

In the parlor, the servants had set up a card table next to the fireplace, and two wing chairs and a sofa arranged around that. Lady Susan felt she wanted to keep all the women together, so they could all hear what was going on, but she only wanted to engage half the group in conversation at a time, so she decided on a round robin of whist. Of course the women wanted to talk about Sidney Parker, his privateering, his broken engagement with Eliza, and eventually they got around his possible relationship with Charlotte. Susan was happy to give them free rein, at least for a little while. They all understood why they were there, and they were all ready to step in and do whatever they could to help Charlotte Heywood.

Lady Faye was the first to speak up about Charlotte. “I was shocked when, after Miss Heywood ran out, that Mrs. Campion had the nerve to disparage the girl.”

“Yes, but when she called the girl a ‘country chit,’ you certainly put that woman in her place,” said Lady Patricia. Several of the women chuckled and nodded in agreement.

“Eliza called Charlotte a country chit? At my party?” Mabel Maudsley was incensed. The four women nodded. “Well, she’ll never set foot in my house again.” Susan smiled, though she knew that Eliza was never going to set foot in any house in London again. Mabel looked at the four women who heard that comment, and grinned. “Well, I believe you all are country chits, aren’t you?” 

“And we told her just that!” came the soft voice of Lady Patricia.

“We would have given her a proper smack down, said Margaret Miller, “But Tom Parker showed up and started handing out cards.”

“We were finding those cards all over the house,” said Mrs. Maudsley. “Maybe I should have a footman run them back to Bedford Place.”

Susan wanted to cut that rumor off at the pass. “I may need to say something to Tom about that. He came in from Sanditon in time to dress for the ball, and he left first thing this morning.”

“He didn’t stay to help brother?” Asked Lady Glenfiddich. She had four  
brothers and the thought that any one of them would leave a badly beaten sibling to promote their businesses was unthinkable.

“Dan mentioned that there was some bad blood between the brothers because Sidney bought Bedford Place from Tom when he had a cash crunch a couple of years ago. Tom was drunk at one of the clubs one night, and evidently He told Dan that he felt that Sidney should hand it back to him.” 

“Sidney Parker’s constantly bailing out his brother.” Said Lady Faye. “Andrew said that was why Sidney engaged himself to Mrs. Campion instead of Miss Heywood. Because Tom Parker owed a fortune to half the banks London. Andrew said he felt that engagement would ruin Sidney, and I think, he was right.”

Susan smiled to herself. This conversation wasn’t exactly what she expected, but so far, everything said here by the fireplace was true, and the women seemed to sympathize with the man who was unable to engage himself to the woman he truly loved. 

“I’m just glad that engagement is over,” said Mrs. Maudsley. “I love having Sidney at my parties, but I would not have that snake of a woman back in my home again. I hope he engages himself to Miss Heywood. We all remember that dance at my last rout.” 

Susan chuckled at the nods and sighs of the other women. She had to agree, hands down, that was the most romantic dance she had ever seen. She even thought that if Sidney had kissed Charlotte right there on the dance floor, every woman would have swooned, and Charlotte would have been elevated to goddess status. Having these women around her this evening, made her happy. They were all romantics, and they all wanted to see Sidney Parker happy. Though they didn’t really know Charlotte, she knew that these women felt that it was obvious that the two loved each other, and they were romantic enough at heart to work to make both of them welcomed to their crazy world. They all loved watching a beautiful love story unfold. Susan smiled to herself. This beautiful love story was almost completely unfolded!

None of the women thought to question why Charles Heywood was at the dinner tonight.

💜💜💜💜💜  
Sidney tried to engage in conversation with the other men, but his mind was stuck on the woman lying in bed upstairs, supposedly asleep. He kept trying to devise a scheme to get up there even if only for a couple of minutes, but with his future father-in-law watching his every move his chances of doing this were growing slimmer with every passing minute. He knew that Charles Heywood knew exactly what was on his mind. What difference did it make? They would be married in two days. He was standing by the fireplace, and he closed his eyes, and felt the heat that was currently enveloping him. Oh, god, it was every bit as hot as the heat he felt when he pressed himself against Charlotte this morning. He had to stop thinking about her, NOW! Or every man in the room would become acutely aware that he was paying absolutely no attention to their questions. Worse, what if Charles Heywood noticed? He stepped over to Crowe and Babington.

Crowe allowed his eyes to drop for a split second. He laughed. “Having trouble, Parker?” he asked.

“Think about the cove and the freezing cold water,” Babington suggested quietly. He then leaned in closer to Sidney, and joked, “Mr. Heywood is engaged with Dan Miller right now. You have a minute or two to get yourself under control.” Both Babbers and Crowe snickered. Sidney scowled. Angry that his feelings for Charlotte were becoming rather obvious to his friends. He glanced over to his future father-in-law, and he looked totally engaged in conversation with Dan. ‘Thank god!’

Sidney had answered enough questions this evening about his broken engagement with Eliza, everyone seemed happy about that; Tom and Sanditon, everyone was astonished that the banks let Tom run up so much debt without having proof of insurance; about the fight with Hans, and what a fine job Crowe did replacing his teeth; about his shipping contract with the Prince Regent. Which led to the question they all wanted to ask, but couldn’t find a polite way to phrase it concerned his privateering. Sidney realized with horror that his reputation as a government sponsored pirate was starting to take hold, and he was too tired to refute the rumor. 

He was relieved that Susan finally came in and asked the men to join the women in the parlor. He was the first man out of the door, but when he noticed a footman take Charles Heywood aside, he took advantage of the confusion and made his break for the stairs. Susan noticed, rolled her eyes and sent another footman to find Charlotte’s ladies maid to follow him and escort him down the back stairs.

Sidney found Charlotte in the third room he poked his head into. There was still one candle burning. The first thing he saw was the pink gown draped over the blanket chest at the end of the bed. He felt a wave of disappointment. But, the sight that he beheld when he stepped into the room, caused his mouth to go dry, his heart to race, and a riot to rage below. He stared at the vision. He couldn’t move. She was sound asleep, but she had kicked off most of the covers. He took in her sleeping face that was turned towards him; her hair, a mass of curls across her pillow, her bare arms splayed out to either side, her one breast barely hidden by the mattress that supported it, and, oh god, the curve of her bare back. He followed the slope from her shoulders down to her waist where it made another curve upwards, and her lovely bum was all that was covered by the sheet. One bare leg had kicked out, and her beautiful foot was off the mattress. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to cover her foot. Oh god, he wanted to strip down and lie next to her. 

“Mr. Parker?” He ignored the whispered voice that came from the slightly ajar door. 

“Mr. Parker?” He took one last longing look at Charlotte, then stepped out into the hallway to face the embarrassed maid. She gave him a knowing grin, and said “Follow me.” She showed him down the back stairs, then outside. She handed him a cigar and lit it for him, then show him to the door leading into the parlor. “Mr. Heywood is already looking for you,” she said. “Lady Susan will send him out here in a couple of minutes. She said for you to wait for him.”

Sidney puffed on his cigar as he waited for his future father-in-law, thankful for the cover of darkness. He turned when he heard the door open, and Charles Heywood stepped out onto the patio. “I think they think you’re a pirate,” he said good naturedly. 

Sidney laughed. 

“I have some news. Not really bad news, but I don’t think you’ll like it.” He motioned for Sidney to come closer to the light and then handed him Thelma’s note.


	30. A NEW MAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charles Heywood come to an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve gotten a lot of questions about where my inspiration comes from, and I always say, ‘I don’t know.’ But that’s not entirely true. Much of it comes from the writers in this group. 
> 
> CordeliaJane and Dejong’s Love in a Minor Key definitely inspired me with Sidney’s thoughts about Charlotte and the piano. It’s such a great story, and I can’t pretend to know anything about playing pianos with your love sitting in your lap. That thought could be equally as ridiculous as having sex on horseback, and it takes someone who understands their instrument (or their animal) to understand the silliness of that thought. So, since this is a silly story, at least the fantasy will stay. Hope you two don’t mind.
> 
> Cynthia was inspired by one of the commenters, Cynthia. Not expecting me to do anything about it, she planted the seed, and it grew from there.
> 
> Now for pirate Sidney, that was completely inspired by 2 hysterical characters of John Grisham’s Camino Island, Myra Beckwith and Leigh Trane. They are life partners, and they also co-author trashy romance novels…. To paraphrase Myra, they were pure filth. We threw everything at them…. We even had a pirate that stole into a castle in the middle of the night, and deflowered seven willing virgins before the sun came up. I’m sure a boat load of willing virgins would line up for a go with Syd of Treasure Coast (another inspiration from commenter, MiamiGal). Not sure if I’ll use the Moniker, but I kind of like it.
> 
> For the sex, well I’m at a loss. I have put several characters, mostly Sidney in quite awkward situations, and, at times, I’m unhappy about the ‘exposure.’ Maybe it’s something I simply need to get used to, or maybe I need to learn to convey these scenes with a tad more discretion. I agree with JoJo Moyes, evidently, she said that she likes to give her characters some privacy, but she writes beautiful love scenes just the same, and there’s no question as to what her characters are up to. I’ve written a lot (never published), and believe it or not, I wrote my first kiss scene ever right before I started this. There are many writers on this site that write mind blowing sex scenes, and their lead ups to these scenes make them all the more explosive. So, I’ll put my head to my computer screen and see where my fingers take us. Hope I don’t disappoint you. Oh, but I will disappoint you in this chapter….. as I’ve said before, there will be no deflowering of unwed maidens here.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story, and for the encouragement that you offer! I’m having a blast doing this! 
> 
> Okay, moving right along……

A NEW MAN

Sidney read and reread Thelma Heywood’s message several times. A wave of emotion flowed over him. He couldn’t wait to make love to his wife… HIS wife, but that wasn’t the emotion that consumed him at this moment. It was fear. Fear that there was still at least one person out there who wanted to steal and defile Charlotte, and to sell her for a fortune. He had an overwhelming sense of protection, and yet he felt helpless to protect her until they were married. He wanted to take their special license and run to the nearest church and marry her... Now. 

Charles Heywood carefully watched his future son-in-law. He had listened to Sidney’s horrible words during dinner tonight, and he felt that he fully shared the younger man’s distress over the delay. He loved his wife, and wanted her and the children to be present, but he also wanted Charlotte to come under Sidney’s protection. Now. Though what could he do about his other daughters? How could he keep them safe? For that matter, could Sidney keep Charlotte safe even if they were married? Hans had mentioned just this morning that the chatter of harming both the Prince and Lady Susan never ended. Could his family come under the same threat? Could they come under the Crown’s protection? And what of Sidney’s brother, Tom? He needed the money. Would he betray his brother in such a heinous fashion and hand Charlotte over to her captors?

Sidney had a hard time catching his breath. Charles Heywood squeezed his shoulder. “Sidney, son……” he never finished the sentence. 

‘What just happened?’ Sidney wondered. He knew. Charles Heywood had just called him ‘son’... again, and it finally hit him. Not only was this man protecting his daughter, but he was bringing Sidney under his protection as well. HIS protection and that of his massive family. This simple honest man was offering Sidney the only thing he had. The love of a father. Sidney suddenly realized that he was no longer an orphan. That this man had just claimed him as a son. He couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped from the depths of his soul. He sobbed for the first time ever for the loss of his parents. For the loss of his little sister, Susan, who was born when he was away at boarding school, and died when he was in Antigua. He sobbed for the loss of the piece of his sole that Eliza so easily stole, and he sobbed for Charlotte, the girl he loved more than life itself and whom he felt almost powerless to protect. He knew he would die if something happened to her. 

Susan had crept onto the patio and watched the scene in front of her. She didn’t know what had just transpired, but she knew that she was watching a powerful bond forming between two men that would last a lifetime. She had always wondered what it was that was so special about Charlotte Heywood. Yes, she was lovely, brilliant, kind and flawed, but she came from a family who loved her, and she was so secure in that love that she shared it with everybody she came in contact with. She didn’t see love as finite, but as infinite, and the more you shared, the more you received. She suddenly realized that Charlotte’s love was the power that opened so many doors for the girl. 

Charles Heywood didn’t let go of Sidney’s shoulder. He stood with this young man, and he knew he would stand here all night if necessary. He watched as this man, this young man, this young successful business man, this put-upon brother, this family savior, this pirate, this fighter, crumbled into a little boy, and he was glad for it. He knew that the next time Charlotte laid eyes on Sidney Parker, she would be looking at a different man. He also felt fairly certain that she would recognize this. He smiled at the thought of her questioning this new man until she fully understood what happened here tonight. That made him happy, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the man for his daughter, and if they wanted to get married tonight, he would move heaven and earth to make it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that didn't go as expected. Don't know where this came from, but there you have it. I had several silly things I wanted to do with this evening at Susans, but this is the scene that came out, and I felt it needed to stand by itself. I hope you agree.
> 
> Someone on the Sanditon Book Club mentioned that in Jane Austen's Sanditon there were two Parker daughters, one of them named Susan. I looked her up, and in the book, and she's 34, so obviously not the same scenario, but I wanted to give her a mention.


	31. Oh What a Night!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Susan does what she does best!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I think this is going to be a L-O-N-G night for all of them. But this time we are going to have some fun! I'll try to get the rest of this up tonight, but not sure if it will happen.

Oh What a Night! 

Susan crept back into the house. Her first order of business was to send out two footmen to deliver messages. She then pulled Ester aside and told her that they may have a change of plans tonight. She wanted Ester and Babbers to pull Lord Wittenaur aside and tell him everything that had transpired in the past twenty-four hours, especially what was discussed at breakfast about Eliza’s planned abduction of Charlotte. She wanted the Lord to know what she needed him to do. AND if he was amenable, to meet her in her upstairs parlor. 

She thought that the intense conversation between Mr. Heywood and Sidney probably concerned the safety of the Heywood girls, and Mrs. Heywood wanting to postpone the wedding. She thought of Charlotte’s mother and smiled. Mrs. Heywood knew nothing of what had transpired. All she knew was that her husband was in London for some unknown reason, and that there were a dozen men in town making themselves conspicuous and waiting for orders from the officer who left with Charles in the middle of the night. The thought of her getting her brood ready for Charlotte’s wedding in two days could very well have pushed the woman’s patience over the edge.

Being the middle of three brothers, Lord Aubrey Wittenaur had gone into the ministry. His older, unmarried brother was a Major in the Royal Horse Guards at Waterloo, and Aubrey accompanied him as Chaplin. To his utter dismay, his brother was wounded and died three days later making him Lord Wittenaur. Though he was a Lord and no longer had a flock, once ordained, he would forever remain a priest in the eyes of the Anglican Church, therefore he could preside over the sacrament of marriage. Susan didn’t want to force the issue, but she thought she could at least prime the pump.

Before she went upstairs, she pulled Mabel Maudsley aside and said, “Make sure everybody hangs around tonight. We may have more fun than last night.”

“Are you going to let me in on your intrigue?” Mabel asked. Susan simply smiled at her friend and tapped her chest as if her heart was fluttering. Mabel Maudsley’s face lit up as if her favorite horse had just won the Grand National Steeplechase. “Okay, I’ll keep them entertained.”

She stepped out onto the patio, and was thankful to see that Sidney seemed to have collected himself and was now on an even keel. She didn’t elaborate, she simply said, “When you two are done here, meet me in my upstairs parlor. Take that door,” she pointed to the exact door that Sidney had just come through moments before. “Take the back steps to the second floor and turn right. You can’t miss it.” Before either of them could respond, she was gone.

Susan stepped quietly into Charlotte’s room. She was both amused and shocked to see that Miss Heywood was naked. Then the thought ran through her head,,,, ‘Did Charlotte and Sidney, uh…. Nah, even Sidney wasn’t that fast, and if he was, Charlotte should run.’ She laughed to herself. ‘What difference would it have made anyway…’

She gazed down at her friend, and smiled and wondered how Charlotte could possibly sleep the sleep of the dead even with the chaos around her. She shrugged and decided it must have something to do with love. She pulled the covers over her friend, then shook her shoulder softly and whispered, “Charlotte.” She touched the girl’s shoulder again, and when she opened her eyes, she shot up in bed.

“What’s wrong?” Because Susan had never awakened her in the night, she panicked and was instantly awake.

Susan gave Charlotte a conspiratorial smile, “if it’s all right with you, I think we can make plans for tonight.”

“What?” Charlotte tried desperately, but unsuccessfully to clear the cobwebs out of her sleep addled brain.

“Would you marry Sidney tonight if you could?”

“What?” Charlotte almost laughed. This was some dream.

“Simple question, my dear. Would you marry Sidney tonight if you could?”

“But what about Mama and Allison and everybody else?”

“I think we can include them later. Would you marry Sidney tonight if you could?”

Charlotte touched her hair, then noticed her nakedness and tried to pull the covers tighter around her body.

“Oh, tut, Charlotte,” Susan giggled. “It’s not like I’ve never seen a naked body before.”

Charlotte giggled with her friend for a few seconds, then Susan patiently asked her one more time. “Charlotte Heywood, would you marry Sidney Parker tonight if you could?”

“I’d have married him last night in all his glorious get-up.” She smirked at her friend.

Susan snorted another un-lady like snort, and Charlotte joined her in another burst of giggles. Susan couldn’t believe that she was actually giggling like a teenage girl at a sleep over, but she realized that was Charlotte’s gift. Laugher and love, and she was overwhelmed by thankfulness that this girl had come into her life. She hugged Charlotte, and said, “I’ll send in Lily. I think your ivory dinner gown would do well. Just put your hair up in a simple chignon, and meet us in my parlor.”

“Your parlor?”

“Oh Charlotte, my lovely girl, the evening’s still young, and if you and Sidney are willing, I think we will have a night that will go down in Beau Monde history as the greatest love story ever told.” She gave her friend a huge opened mouth smile, and once Charlotte finally figured out what Susan was talking about, she joined her friend in another round of giggles. 

She glanced at the pink gown draped over the blanket chest at the end of her bed. Susan laughed. “I think you should save that one,” she cut her eyes at the pink gown, “for a night when you two really want to play pirate and damsel.”

“SUSAN!” Charlotte couldn’t believe what her friend had just insinuated. 

“Do you think I didn’t know what went on between you two after breakfast this morning?” Susan gave her a knowing smirk. “When you two stepped back into the dining room, everybody knew.” She laughed. 

Charlotte took one last longing glance at the pink gown. “Ivory dinner gown it is.”

When Susan stepped out of the room, Lily was waiting for her in the hall with a huge smile. The girl whispered, “are they really getting married tonight?”

Susan gave her one of her serene smiles, and said “I don’t know.”

Lily huffed, and glared at the woman she had worked for for years.

Susan looked at her and winked. That was enough for Lily, and she almost skipped into Charlotte’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys, sorry but I just played fast and loose with the Anglican Church, and will continue to do so for the next few chapters. I'll admit it..... I'm too lazy to research. This is a short chapter. I'm still working on it, but not sure I'll be able to post it all tonight. I do believe we're about to have some fun!
> 
> Thank you Julian Fellows for planting the seed of an idea that once a Priest, always a Priest. (Belgravia). However, my mistakes are not your's.


	32. Wagers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gentlemen vs. the women..... the men lose... big time.
> 
> Mrs. Maudsley had insured that NO ONE will leave early tonight.
> 
> Ester is Ester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tonight is Redwood..... If you like bawdy, I think Redwood is the drink of choice!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this as much as I did! 🤣🤣🤣

Wagers

As hard as Mabel Maudsley tried to wear her best benign hostess smile when she stepped quickly back into the lady’s parlor, she failed. By Susan’s little heart pitter patter, she knew something was up with Charlotte and Sidney, and she couldn’t contain her elation. She loved being the bearer of insider information, and knew that within the half hour, every person in attendance tonight would know something was afoot. Nobody was going to leave this parlor tonight. Even Ester, whose default expression was ambivalence, couldn’t hide a slight grin. 

“Mabel, you look like you’ve had a round in the cloak room with that handsome footman,” teased Lady Faye.

“Why get excited about a romp with a footman when there’s a pirate loose in the house?” laughed Mabel.

“I have a feeling the pirate’s been spoken for,” snickered Lady Patricia. Mabel was so elated that she didn’t mind that someone may have beaten her to the punch on tonight’s intrigue.

“What makes you so certain?” asked Margaret Miller.

“I think Margaret is jostling for the post position with the pirate,” laughed Lady Martha Glenfiddich with a smirk. 

“Martha?” Patricia asked with an amused air of superiority. “Have you seen my husband?”

“No, I assumed he stepped out for a smoke and maybe to water a couple of bushes,” snickered Martha Glenfiddich. Susan had kept the wine flowing tonight, and the ladies were now feeling the full effects of that and on top of that, the rum cake which had been soaked in pure rum, not the buttered down version served at family dinners. They all started to snicker. 

The ‘toasted’ elation of the women drew the attentions of their clueless husbands, but the ladies wanted to keep the men out of the loop for the time being. “Oh darling,” Lady Glenfiddich said in all earnestness. “Don’t pay any attention to us, we’re talking about deserts (the dry ones) and heat flashes.” This caused a wave of unladylike snorts and snickers, and when a servant passed by with another tray of wine, the ladies cleared it.

Lord John Glenfiddich drew in a breath and blushed. His embarrassment was shared by all the men present, and they made their way to the farthest corner in the room. In a soft grumble, John said to his friends “We should have stayed in the library. I’m sure Lady Susan has a book or two in there with instructions on bringing water back to the desert.” Now it was the men’s time to snicker.

Patricia cleared her throat to keep the ladies’ conversation on target. “Has anyone seen Sidney Parker or Charles Heywood?”

Martha Glenfiddich spoke up again. “I suppose they, along with Aubrey, caused a fire with their cigars, and now they’re trying to put it out.” All the ladies laughed. They were beginning to sound like a bunch of tavern wenches.

“Anybody who says that the high society ladies of London are stuffy and frigid, and don’t know how to have some fun should come to some of these dinner parties.” Snickered Patricia. “But ladies, I just saw my husband follow Susan upstairs!” This caused a collective gasp.

“The nerve of her! She’s trying to get the jump on the two best looking men here tonight,” laughed Faye. “AND they both are in the shipping industry! Margaret, is there something you’re not telling us? Is your husband a pirate, too?” This caused another wave of mirth amongst the women. Even Ester laughed.

“My darling friends,” Patricia said in her soft breathy voice that instantly captured the attention of the others, “My Aubrey is also an ordained priest in the Anglican Church.”

Every face in the group dropped. Every woman was thinking they were having this bawdy conversation with a priest’s wife? Were they all going to hell? If so, could they stay together?

Martha Quisenberry finally spoke up quietly. “Sidney Parker proposed to Charlotte Heywood and she accepted. They announced it at breakfast this morning.” Martha Quisenberry smiled benignly, but inwardly she beamed. She couldn’t believe she had just delivered one of the biggest items of happy gossip to hit the beau monde in… well she couldn’t ever remember gossip this happy nor this juicy, ever! 

The women were stunned silent, and their mouths gaped opened. The entire group collectively looked at Ester. She beamed and nodded, “They did!” 

……………………. ………………. The women stood speechless for a full ten seconds, then they all gasped and then squealed like they had just heard the announcement of the first girl in their group ever to accept a proposal. They were elated beyond measure! 

The men stared at their inebriated wives, then at each other, then realized that they all had the same problem. Wives who were so drunk that they were beyond recognition.

Lord Grey, knowing that his wife could be the ring leader, (and how much fun she could be in this state in spite of the desert and the heat flashes) bravely approached his wife first. He tried to mimic her tone. “Darling? Should I call the carriage?”

“Darling? Don’t you dare take that tone of voice with me!” she growled, but then joined her friends in a laugh at her poor husband’s expense. 

He looked towards his friends for support, but they had decided to stay on their side of the room to avoid the oncoming carriage wreck. Lady Patricia took pity on the poor man. She ran her arm through his, turned him aside, and whispered, “We think Aubrey is going to marry Charlotte and Sidney tonight.” For no reason except that those words were so joyful, the group of women burst into another fit of laughter. 

Lord Grey gave Patricia an incredulous eyeball. She looked at him, smiled and nodded. He cautiously looked at his wife. Faye actually licked her lips and smiled and nodded at him. The mixed signal caused quite a bit of confusion. Was she trying to seduce him? Or was she agreeing that Sidney and Charlotte were getting married tonight? The women noticed his discomfort and started laughing again. 

His friends who were now tightly grouped together looked like they couldn’t decide whether to make for the door and run outside to relieve themselves or to attempt to show some support for their friend and join the group of women who were behaving rather like a tribe of head hunters. They wondered which of them was going to wind up in the boiling pot first. Since John was already there, they were now seriously considering leaving him with the enemy.

Ester strode over to the group of men with such an air of superiority that she communicated that the women had already won this battle without having to fire a single emancipating word, and that the men had better acquiesce, or suffer the consequences later. She gave Lord Babington a wicked smile. The look on his face reflected both fear, and the obvious joy that his wife was about to rake him over the coals. He folded instantly and happily followed her back over to the dark side of the female head hunters. As they ambled arm and arm back towards enemy lines, at least as far as he was concerned, she whispered to him. “Aubrey is going to marry Charlotte and Sidney tonight.”

“What!!!” He laughed. She simply looked at him and nodded. He burst out into a fit of laughter of unmitigated elation. His friends, realizing that their ranks were quickly diminishing, looked on in horror. 

Lord Quisenberry gazed at his wife, and she smiled at him, though her smile conveyed absolutely nothing. He too decided to take his chances and join the growing group that was congregated around the fireplace. 

Though Crowe had congregated with the men, he had no female attachment here tonight, at least not among those gather around the fireplace. He decided to sit down and watch how the ladies managed to control their powerful husbands. The thought ‘the power behind the throne’ occurred to him and made him laugh. The only two men now left on this far side of the room, Lord Glenfiddich and Dan Miller, looked at him as if he had just deserted the battlefield. Though they looked defeated, they decided to play defiant and headed for the door to the patio.

Margaret Miller and Martha Glenfiddich both smirked at each other. They both knew that their husbands knew that they were defeated, but were still behaving like obstinate little boys. They laughed, but both were worried about how they were going to get them to join in the fun. Lord Babington cleared his throat , and instantly solved the problem for them when he said. “Wagers gentlemen? We have a few bets to place tonight!” He looked at Crowe. “I think we both lost some money last night, now’s our chance to win it back.”

At first the women were happy that their husbands were happily going to join in the fun. They were even ready to place their own bets as to what time the ceremony would begin. But, of course, their husbands' minds still remained in the gutter. They instantly started to wager how long it would take Sidney after the vows were said before he rushed his virgin upstairs. 

Mr. Maudsley, much to his wife’s surprise, affection and horror, spoke out for the first time tonight. Gentlemen, are we wagering for money, or are we wagering for water? The group became eerily silent as both men and women regarded the quiet man gazing lovingly at his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maudlin - Martini  
> Bawdy - Redwood....  
> You choose! 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	33. Chapel of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well..... I hope you're happy!💖💖💖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liquor cabinet was bare tonight, and the last thing in the Refrigerator was pink champagne! So guess what that means.

Chapel of Love

Uncomfortable about being led into the Lady’s personal space, Aubrey Wittenaur stopped Susan at the top of the stairs and asked suspiciously. “Okay, Susan, I’ve followed you up here, now tell me what you want. The Babingtons filled me in on some of what has transpired in the past twenty-four hours, but I’m still clueless as to my part in all this.” 

She gave him a sly smile. “Patricia knows you’re up here, and she approves.” She turned and continued walking to her parlor.

Aubrey Wittenaur was a good man, but he was terrible at reading between the lines, as was most men. He simply wanted the unadulterated truth so that he could make the best decisions for himself, his family, or anybody else involved. He knew Susan could out dance him in the verbal parlor games, and he didn’t want to play into her high society machinations. The Babingtons gave him little information except that Eliza Campion had broken her engagement to Sidney. He stood his ground and in a tone of frustration he asked, “Susan, what are you up to?”

Susan stepped back to the younger man. She knew once everything had been laid out for him, he would approve and would help if he could. Because he had such a kind nature, she didn’t want him to feel cornered. “Aubrey, I set up this dinner tonight especially for Charlotte. I don’t know how much the Babingtons told you, but Eliza Campion has been brutal with her, not only with the beau mound, but she had made some terrible threats as well. I was hoping to give Charlotte a boost tonight, but things haven’t gone as planned. In fact, they’ve gone way better than I could ever expect. Sidney and Charles Heywood are meeting us in my parlor, and I will tell you the rest of the story in there.”

Aubrey smiled and raised his open ‘go ahead’ palm towards the hallway, and followed Susan. Once in her parlor, she offered him a chair by the fireplace. “Charles and Sidney should be here any minute, but I will try give you the broad picture, and you may know much of this, and when they get here, we can fill in the blanks.” He nodded for her to continue. He remained quiet and allowed her to tell the story. She told him about how Sidney and Charlotte had fallen in love and how he was going to propose to her at the mid-summer ball in Sanditon. She told him about the fire and Tom’s enormous debt and how his main investor gave him only one week to find alternative financing. She told him quickly about the suspicions of a conspiracy on Mrs. Campion’s part to prevent the Parker brothers from obtaining funds, and how, in order to save his family, Sidney was forced to engage himself to her. She told him how Mrs. Campion worked to destroy Charlotte in the eyes of society, and when that didn’t work, she made arrangements with a Mr. Howard to kidnap the girl and sell her. Aubrey’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“Yes,” she said, “Evidently, a girl like Charlotte could bring enough money in the human markets that Tom Parker could eliminate half of Sanditon’s debt. They aren’t sure how involved he is in this, but Eliza Campion has been charged and taken into custody. By having Charlotte kidnapped, not only would she eliminate a pesky rival, but she would make her suffer for the affection that Sidney has for her.” 

“I knew she was a nasty woman, but do you really think Eliza Campion is capable of such a thing?”

“They believe she had her husband murdered to gain access to his fortune. They believe that she had plans to do the same to Sidney to gain access to his ships.”

Aubrey liked Miss Heywood, but his thoughts turned towards his own young daughters, and he suddenly felt nauseated. He leaned over with his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands. What would he do if something like that happened to one of them? Susan stood, and poured him a glass of brandy. He accepted it without a world. She left him to his thoughts and stepped into the hallway only to come face-to-face with Sidney and Mr. Heywood. She stepped back and allowed the men to enter the room. 

Once they were all seated around the fireplace, Susan started laying out her plan. “Sidney and Charles, I know both of you are worried about something happening to Charlotte, and I know that Mrs. Heywood probably wants to postpone the wedding plans. After talking with Hans and George this morning we all felt that the sooner you two were married, the safer Charlotte would be. I know it doesn’t address the other girls, but it’s a start.” 

“So, Susan, what are you proposing, and why is Aubrey here?” Sidney asked tiredly.

“Sidney, if you could would you marry Charlotte tonight?” 

Sidney looked dumbfounded, and could form no words.

“Aubrey and I didn’t get around to discussing this, but I think he has an idea as to why he’s here.” She looked at Aubrey, and he shrugged urging her to continue.

“Aubrey is an ordained priest of the Anglican Church, and though he doesn’t have a flock any more, I understand, and correct me if I’m wrong, Aubrey, that once a priest, always a priest. Which means that you can still conduct the sacrament of marriage.” 

Aubrey gave a quick grin, then said, “That’s true, but the bans haven’t even been read.”

Sidney’s brain finally kicked into gear. “But we have a special license signed by the Prince Regent.” He reached into his breast pocket and handed the license to Aubrey. They heard a knock on the door, and Charlotte stepped quietly into the room. Sidney swallowed and gazed at her. She wore a simple ivory silk empire waist dinner dress with little adornment. It had short sleeves, and she wore ivory gloves which slipped over her elbow, exposing a lovely patch of bare skin. He let his eye slide briefly over her chest, but because her father was right there, he didn’t let his eyes linger. Lily had pulled the hair off of her face and neck, but had tied it off on the back of her head and allowed the curls to fall naturally. She wore the same pink pearls from the night before. Sidney was so stunned he couldn’t speak. 

Aubrey cleared his throat. “I assume Miss Heywood knows why we’re all here?” She nodded, though Sidney was still a little slow on the uptake. Charles Heywood smiled. Susan beamed. 

Sidney gave a confused glance at Susan, then to Charlotte, then to Aubrey, then to Charles. “You intend to marry us tonight?” Susan nodded. “What about Mrs. Heywood and Charlotte’s brothers and sisters?” 

Charles Heywood chuckled and asked the first sensible question of the evening. “If they are married tonight, can they be married again in Willingden?”

“I’ve never done two services, but it’s not uncommon. If a couple elope, many of them come back and still want a church service. If they marry while abroad, they come home to marry in their own church. There is a myriad of reasons why couples have civil services, and I think your reasons are valid. I have no problem marrying you tonight.”

Susan beamed. Charles looked ecstatic. Charlotte and Sidney looked shell shocked. “Charlotte,” Sidney cut his eyes towards the door, took her hand and led her into the hall, then across the hall to her bedroom. 

“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?” he asked.

She beamed. “Are you sure?” They both chuckled. He let his eyes rove all over her body. She took in his face and his expressions. She almost felt as if she was looking at a different man. He almost looked like a happy little boy.

Sidney was lost. He took her in his arms and lowered his head to kiss her, but she pulled her head back and laughed. “I’m not kissing you again until we’re married.”

He froze. His face was so close to hers, he could feel her breath. He dipped his head again and stopped before his lips brushed hers. This time she raised her face to his, and he pulled away. He laughed. “Well then!” He waited for her reply.

“Well then!” she laughed.

Without another word, he took Charlotte’s hand and raced back across the hallway and bolted into Susan’s parlor. They were both breathless, but laughing. “What are you guys waiting for?” He asked. The room instantly filled with a happy energy. 

Aubrey looked at the two of them. “Do you want the Anglican service, or do you want the grab and go, Scotland style?”  
They looked at each other and laughed. Sidney looked like he was leaning towards the Scotland style, but then he looked at his father-in-law and said, “the Anglican service.”

“Susan, do you have The Anglican Prayer Book?”

“Of course I do.”

Susan, Sidney and Aubrey left Charlotte and her father to wait while they went down stairs to prepare for the service.

They laughed when they heard the shouts of joy coming from the lady’s parlor downstairs.

Charles Heywood gazed at his happy daughter and laughed, “What do you think your mother’s going to say?”

Charlotte looked at him, her eyes were huge, and they both laughed. “I assume someone has already sent a rider to let her off the hook?”

“I don’t think he’s gotten there, yet,” he smirked. “At least I haven’t heard any screams coming from Willingden.”

“Well, we don’t have to say anything just let her think she’s watching the real deal.”

“She will be watching the real deal,” he responded. 

“Papa,” Charlotte said, her eyes starting to tear up. “Thank you for coming all the way here for me.”

“Well, when the King of England tells you to come, you don’t argue with him.” He chuckled.

“I suppose not, but I’m happy you’re here.”

“Me too. I don’t think this will be like any wedding I’ve ever been to before.” They both laughed. “It does feel rather spur-of -the-moment.”

He shrugged. “I think you’ve been wanting this for a while.” She nodded in agreement. “He’s a good man, Charlotte. The best, and he loves you more than life itself. You have no idea how good that makes me feel.” She smiled though a couple of tears threatened to fall, and kissed his cheek which caused him to tear up as well. They both laughed. “We better watch ourselves. If we get too sappy, we may fall down the steps.”

Just then Susan appeared. “Are you ready?” Charlotte nodded and they all beamed. “I’ll see you in the parlor. Just come on in. Nobody volunteered to play the piano tonight.” 

Charles Heywood gave his daughter one last Papa bear hug, then offered his arm and led her towards the stairs. Lily met her at the bottom of the stairs, and handed her a bouquet of flowers from Susan’s hot house. They were lovely with Canna Lilies and multiple long stems of Susan’s orchids. Charlotte was astonished by the number of people who had showed up at the last minute. The Prince Regent and Hans stood off to the side. The entire staff from Bedford Place, Susan’s staff and several of the guests’ coachmen had all moved into the parlor. Thomas stood with Sidney by the fireplace, and Aubrey stood to his left, and Susan stood to the right of Thomas. Everybody turned when Charlotte stepped into the room with her father. Several of the women gasped. Though she wasn’t wearing the traditional wedding garb, Charlotte looked every bit the beautiful bride. She and Sidney beamed at each other. It was as if the rest of the people in the room didn’t exist. Sidney wore an ivory vest which blended with Charlotte’s dress perfectly. He looked perfect before he came downstairs, but Thomas worked his magic, and somehow made him look even more beautiful. 

Charlotte kissed her father before he gave her hand to Sidney. It brought tears to his eyes, and the eyes of every other women in the room. When she handed her flowers to Susan, she kissed her as well acknowledging the love and friendship that they both shared. She put her arm through Sidney’s, and he placed a protective hand over hers. They smiled at each other and turned to Aubrey. He asked quietly if they were both ready, and they nodded. He opened the Book of Common Prayer and started reading in a clear voice that carried throughout the room.

In the presence of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,  
we have come together  
to witness the marriage of Sidney and Charlotte,  
to pray for God’s blessing on them,  
to share their joy  
and to celebrate their love.  
Marriage is a gift of God in creation  
Through which husband and wife may know the grace of God.  
It is given  
That as man and woman grow together in love and trust,  
They shall be united with one another in heart, body and mind,  
As Christ is united with his bride, the Church.  
The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together  
In the delight and tenderness of sexual union  
And joyful commitment to the end of their lives.  
It is given as the foundation of family life  
In which children are born and nurtured  
And in which each member of the family,  
In good times and in bad,  
May find strength, companionship and comfort,  
And grow to maturity in love.  
Marriage is a way of life made holy by God,  
And blessed by the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ  
With those celebrating a wedding at Cana in Galilee.  
Marriage is a sign of unity and loyalty  
Which all should uphold and honour.  
It enriches society and strengthens community.  
No one should enter into it lightly or selfishly  
But reverently and responsibly in the sight of almighty God.  
Sidney and Charlotte are now to enter this way of life.  
They will each give their consent to the other  
And make solemn vows,  
And in token of this they will give and receive a ring.  
We pray with them that the Holy Spirit will guide and strengthen them,  
That they may fulfil God’s purposes  
For the whole of their earthly life together.

First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason  
Why these persons may not lawfully marry, to declare it now.

Sidney, will you take Charlotte to be your wife?  
Will you love her, comfort her, honor and protect her,  
and forsaking all others,  
be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

Sidney squeezed Charlotte’s hand before his clear voice filled the room, “I will.”

Charlotte, will you take Sidney to be your husband?  
Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him,  
And forsaking all others,  
Be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

Charlotte looked into Sidney’s eyes and in a soft clear voice said, “I will.”

Aubrey turned to the others in the room and read,  
Will you, the families and friends of Sidney and Charlotte,  
Support and uphold them in their marriage  
now and in the years to come?

Everybody responded, “We will.”

“Let us pray.”

God our Father,  
from the beginning  
you have blessed creation with abundant life.  
Pour out your blessings upon Sidney and Charlotte,  
that they may be joined in mutual love and companionship,  
in holiness and commitment to each other.  
We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ your Son,  
who is alive and reigns with you,  
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,  
One God, now and for ever.  
Amen

Sidney took both of Charlotte’s hands, as he repeated his vows.  
“I, Sidney, take thee, Charlotte, to be my wedded Wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.”

Charlotte smiled up at Sidney.  
“I, Charlotte, take thee, Sidney, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.”

Thomas handed Sidney the ring that had been locked in the safe at Bedford Place for years since his mother died. Sidney slipped the ring on Charlotte’s finger and said.

“With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods, I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

The ring was a surprise to Charlotte, and without Sidney telling her, she instantly understood the significance of it. She felt tears prick her eyes, and she took several moments to compose herself. Had she looked around the room, she would have seen several handkerchiefs exchanging hands between husbands and wives as they wiped their tears. 

“Sidney, I receive this ring  
as a sign of our marriage.  
With my body I thee worship,  
All that I am I give to you,  
And all that I have I share with you,  
Within the love of God,  
Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”

Aubrey turned to the people standing in the room and said,  
“In the presence of God, and before this congregation,  
Sidney and Charlotte have given their consent  
And made their marriage vows to each other.  
They have declared their marriage by the joining of hands  
and by the giving and receiving of a ring,  
I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife.

He took both of their right hands in his own and said,  
“Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.”

Aubrey gives the blessing of the marriage.  
Blessed are you, O Lord our God,   
for you have created joy and gladness,  
pleasure and delight, love, peace and fellowship.  
Pour out the abundance of your blessing  
upon Sidney and Charlotte in their new life together.  
Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts  
and a crown upon their heads.  
Bless them in their work and in their companionship;  
awake and asleep,  
in joy and in sorrow,  
in live and in death.  
Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that banquet  
where your saints feast for ever in your heavenly home.  
We ask this through Jesus Christ your Son, our Lord,  
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,  
one god, now and for ever.

Amen

“God the Father,  
God the Son,  
God the Holy Spirit,  
Bless, preserve and keep you;  
The Lord Mercifully grant you the riches of his grace,  
That you may please him both in body and soul,  
And living together in faith and love,  
May receive the blessings of eternal life.

Amen.

Neither Charlotte nor Sidney knew what to do next. They both looked at each other with goofy smiles on their faces, then turned towards Aubrey for further instructions. He looked at Sidney and laughed, “I guess you can kiss your Bride.”

He gave Charlotte almost a wolfish grin, pulled her to him and kissed her like he had wanted to kiss her since breakfast this morning. Mr. Heywood chuckled and wondered how long they were going to stay pressed together. Then from the back of the room, there came a youthful whoop and clapping. Of course it was Joey leading the cheer, and everybody else joined in the celebration. Sidney and Charlotte finally took notice of those around them and reluctantly pulled apart. Both of them stunned by their good fortune………..

……. More wedding fun to be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used most of the service from the Anglican Church. I cut parts of it out, and some if it uses the modern language and some the old, but I still think it is the most beautiful wedding service. I know it makes this chapter really long, but I think it embodies the life that Sidney and Charlotte share. At least in Fan Fiction. They live their vows.
> 
> It's 4:30 a.m., so it's time to stop. Editing may be necessary tomorrow. More to come! I'm happy, hope you guys are too!


	34. A Wedding for Everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some thoughts of the wedding guests.
> 
> Sidney is quite impatient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that I added the Marriage Blessing at the end of the last chapter. I'm sorry to do that to you, but i was so tired when I finished it, that I simply left it out. I decided it was too beautiful to leave out. It is just before the short prayer at the end of the service, so it shouldn't be too hard to find it. It won't change the outcome of the chapter, but I feel better having it in there.
> 
> We're getting there..... I'm just trying to screw up my courage. 🔥🔥🔥🔥

A Wedding for Everybody

When Susan entered the room with Sidney and Aubrey, everyone grew quiet and turned their attentions to the Lady of the house. Her face radiated a sublime happiness as she connected with each of her friends. The Prince Regent had slipped into the room with Hans, and he didn’t think he had ever seen her look happier. As her eyes met his, he felt her happiness, but then when they moved on, he also felt something else. Did she harbor a deeper sadness? He tried to turn away from the thought, but it had taken hold of his heart and squeezed… squeezed hard. The thought that he had kept her captive only for his wants, needs and desires suddenly seized him. He loved her. He managed to set the thought aside and decided to join in the joy of the moment, but promised himself to address these feelings with her later. 

Susan gave Sidney a questioning look. He looked happily back at her and shrugged his shoulders. “Do you want to make the announcement, or do you want me to do it,” she whispered to him. 

He looked at her with an affection he didn’t know he had for her, but his heart was about to burst with happiness, and he felt that he probably would feel the same affection for every single person in this room if he thought about it. He smiled and whispered back. “You’ve done this, and she’s your girl! Just don’t mess it up!” They both laughed.

“Well?” asked Lady Faye.

Susan laughed. “Guess we’re going to have a wedding tonight!” The room erupted in a great cheer of happiness. As if some strange magnetic force presented itself into the room, every man made his way to his wife. There was something about a wedding that brought out the romantic even in the most jaded of souls. And this wedding, well… everyone almost felt like they were on a frantic coach ride to Scotland. Though they would never admit it, there was nothing more romantic than the thought of an elopement for a love denied. The thought of sloshing though the tedium of the reading of the bans, and endless engagements of a society wedding seemed to take the spark off the occasion. They all had witnessed the fall of Sidney Parker into the depths of despair after his engagement to Eliza Campion, and the instant transformation from condemned man to ecstatic groom was a love story beyond epic proportions. All the women and some of the men remembered that dance at Mabel Maudsley’s fall rout, and all felt a twinge, hoping they would see a repeat tonight. Not only with Sidney and Charlotte, but with their own spouses. Everyone present, from the Prince Regent to the scullery maids, felt the magic of this evening. All felt it was a rare honor to be present for tonight’s happy, almost fairy tale union. 

The electric atmosphere in the room grabbed Cynthia the second she walked through the door. Before she looked for Crowe, she actually looked for the goose, rats and mice before she sought him out. He found her eyes first, and gave her the most enchanted of his crooked smiles. Like all the other women in the room. She didn’t have to move. She waited, and he was drawn to her. When he drew near, she was surprised to see that his eyes were clear, and his step straight and sure. He stood beside her against the wall, and allowed his fingers to graze across hers. He looked down at her and grinned. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “We’re next.” 

She looked at him with such surprise and started to laugh, but when she saw that his eyes weren’t laughing, but were dark and serious, she checked herself, smiled and whispered back, “You have to ask first.” And gave him a brilliant smile. 

“Later.” Was his only whispered reply as he turned his attention towards the fireplace.

Lord Quisenberry gazed at his wife. Her attention was on Susan and Sidney, so he took advantage of the opportunity to gaze upon her lovely face. He fully understood the size of the bridge that he had to repair, and wondered if she would allow the effort. He also understood he didn’t deserve to ask her to put forth that effort, but his heart was breaking for the terrible road his misdeeds had taken his beautiful and beloved wife down, and he desperately wanted to find a different path for both of them. He almost cried when Charlotte stepped into the room, and saw the love that radiated between her and Sidney. He remembered that love with Martha. He still felt it. Would he be able to rekindle her love for him?

Lady Patricia’s heart raced as she watched as her husband opened the ceremony. She knew how much he loved the wedding sacraments, and she also knew that every time he had a bride and groom to repeat their vows he was repeating them himself. He gave her a quick glance as Charlotte was repeating her vows to Sidney, and she smiled and nodded acknowledging that she was repeating the same vows herself. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he grasped those vows and loved them as much as he loved her. She knew that when they got home tonight, if they were lucky and the girls were asleep, they would have a repeat of their own wedding night, and a wave of desire filled her. He glanced her way one more time before the end of the sacrament, and she gave him a grin that left no doubt as to what was on her mind.

Lady Faye, always one to know exactly what she wanted, and how to get it, squeezed her husband’s hand as Sidney placed the ring on Charlotte’s finger. She almost swooned when he said “with my body I thee worship.” She glanced at Andrew and was surprised to see that he was already gazing lovingly at her. He leaned into her and whispered, “with my body I THEE worship.” She couldn’t wait to get him home. He knew that there was, indeed, water coming back into the desert, and he breathed on her neck, and whispered even more quietly, “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Lord and Lady Babington, well, they had just been through this, so the reverence of the vow really hadn’t had time to manifest itself, but they still smiled, remembering their wedding night. Ester touched her nose on his cheek, and he blushed and smiled knowing that the gesture was a promise of what was to come later. 

Being probably the oldest married couple present, Mabel and Burton had been to dozens of weddings, but this was the first time she truly felt something for the couple standing in front of this small party. She had never been to a more intimate wedding. She looked at everyone around her, and she saw that they looked like they were feeling the same things. Most weddings, you couldn’t wait for the ceremony to be over, and for the party to begin. Most of the couples she had seen married were really family mergers. They probably liked each other, but the marriage vows meant little to them, and they would soon find companionship outside of their own unions. She knew this would not happen here. In fact, for the first time when she vowed to uphold this marriage, she took it seriously, and knew she would do everything in her power to insure this marriage’s success. She knew that this was something she had never witnessed before, and she felt honored to be a part of this union. She also felt slightly ashamed of herself for not doing more to stand up for this lovely couple. Well, she thought, there’s nothing she could do about the past, but she certainly could move to clear a path for their future. She knew that Susan had them all here this evening for this reason, but she wondered if even Susan knew that there would be a union here tonight. She felt wild, like she and Burton were actually on a coach to Scotland. She smiled, then glanced up when she felt her husband squeeze her hand. He looked like he was laughing inwardly. He bent down and whispered, “Want to take a trip to Scotland?” 

He had a wild look in his eyes that made her legs weak. She whispered back, “When can we leave?” She watched as he raised his eyebrows. She grinned and dropped her eyes and smiled wider as she knew she gotten a reaction out of her husband. He didn’t answer her. Luckily, he didn’t answer because he was thinking both about getting his wife home, relieving her of her stays, but also of the wager he had placed on the new Parker family. 

Dan Miller had been at sea for several months, and had only been back for a couple of days. As he watched his wife wistfully watching the ceremony, a wave of guilt passed over him. He had never been unfaithful to her, but he knew that his business seemed to take precedence, and as he listened to the vows and repeated them in his own mind, he realized that he had not lived up to those vows he had spoken just five years before. They had no children, and he felt that was his fault. He repeated the beautiful vows of the ring over and over in his own mind, and determined to live up to them. He loved Margaret, and he decided to take the time to prove it to her.

They were all, thankfully, brought out of their inner longings by Joey’s whoop, and they were happy to join in the cheering. Because they weren’t inside a church, anything went. Several of the husbands and wives follow suit, and took the opportunity to publicly kiss each other. If Sidney and Charlotte could kiss like that, then why couldn’t they?

Much to Susan’s surprise Lily and Sidney’s footman, Charles, volunteered to provide some music. Lily sat at the piano, and Charles had brought his violin from Bedford Place. They weren’t professional, but they weren’t bad. They played well together, and Susan stepped over and asked them if they could play a waltz. They agreed, and Thomas announced the new Mr. and Mrs. Parker for their first dance. They danced the waltz as it was intended, for two lovers with no societal constraints. Everyone who had seen them dance that dance at Mrs. Maudsley’s rout would later agree that the first dance paled in comparison to the dance they danced tonight. There was no doubt amongst those watching what was on the minds of the two lovers. It was a dance that would be talked about for years, and other society ladies envied the small group of women who had witnessed this lovely waltz. More so, when the dance ended and Sidney lowered his head once as if he wanted to kiss his bride, and Charlotte rose to meet his lips. They paused as if they were bound by the rules of society, but as if both realized at the same time that they were, in fact, married, they kissed each other tenderly. 

Crowe looked at Babington and smirked. He had just won the first wager of the evening. Other men expected them to kiss, but not so soon, and not during the first dance with everyone watching. Cynthia looked at Crowe and laughed, “I think they’re going to have to take some logs off that fire.” 

For the next dance, Sidney handed Charlotte off to her father and took Susan’s hand and led her onto the dance floor. He knew it was a risk because he had never seen her dance before, but she followed his lead, and danced so lightly in his hands that he thought she almost felt like a fairy. He glanced over to the Prince Regent, and noticed that the man didn’t take his eyes off Susan, and wondered why they never danced. He didn’t dwell on the thought because his mind and heart were full of Charlotte. 

Lord and Lady Babington joined them on the dance floor, and after that dance, Sidney handed Susan to Charles and was happy to have his wife back in his arms. They danced for a while, then Babington handed Ester off to Sidney and danced with Charlotte. 

Nobody noticed when George took Susan’s hand from Charles, but once they started dancing, everybody noticed, and moved to give them the floor. They danced beautifully together. There was a lightness in their step, a joy between them, but there was also a hint of sadness. Sidney watched Charlotte as she watched her friend dance with the future King of England. He noticed that she, too, saw the veiled sadness between her friend and her lover, and prayed that he would never cause her the same disconnected feeling. 

After his dance with Susan, the Prince took Charlotte’s hand and danced the next dance with her. Of course she chatted with him, but no one heard a word of their conversation. Both looked happy and comfortable with each other, and everyone watching knew that Charlotte Parker’s place in society was secure.

Thomas had brought several bottles of champagne from Bedford Place. After several dances, the first bottles were popped, glasses were poured for everyone, and toasts were made to the new Parkers. After several glasses, Sidney pulled Charlotte close and whispered in his low raspy voice, “Are you about ready to go?”

She smiled and brought her lips to his ears, “I was ready in the tack room this morning.”  
Just as Sidney took her hand to leave, the music started up again, and Lord Quisenberry stepped over to dance with Charlotte. She had only known him for a short time, but she was so happy for what he did for her last night, that she couldn’t deny him a dance. She thought it odd that he checked his watch before they took their bows and positions. “I can’t tell you how happy I am that my coach happened upon you last night. This has been the best wedding I’ve ever been to.”

“Has it really happened?” she teased.

“Yes, my dear, you are a married woman, and I think your husband is about ready to snatch you off the dance floor,” he smiled. He had danced her towards the door, and he looked at Sidney who looked like he was about to storm the floor, throw Charlotte over his shoulder, and leave the whole affair. He strode across the room, and met them at the door. Lily was there with the flowers.

He took Charlotte’s hand and waited for the music to stop, then announced to everyone there, “It’s time for us to call it a night. It’s been some night, and thank you all for being here. Had I been expecting this, I would have prepared a speech, but I can’t tell you how happy I am to have married the love of my life. Mr. Heywood, thank you for giving me your beautiful daughter. Lady Susan, thank you for blazing the trail for this unexpected and enchanting evening.” He turned to the Prince Regent, “Your Royal Highness, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the special license. Good night.” 

Lord Quisenberry checked his watch and smiled.

When they turned to leave the parlor, Charlotte tossed the flowers over her shoulder, and was surprised when the squeals of delight came from Cynthia. She cocked her head towards her husband and asked, “I wonder if Mr. Crowe can talk the Prince Regent into a special license?”


	35. The Wedding Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding Night..... That about says it all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really stunned as to where my fingers took me tonight. WARNING!!! This is not ready for prime time! Way more than I ever expected to actually put on paper. If you're not into sex, i suggest you skip this chapter.

The Wedding Night

Okay, guys…. I’ve put this off for as long as possible. I’ve written about writing myself into a corner before, and well….. now I’m standing outside Sydney and Charlotte’s closed bedroom door, and I’m afraid to open it. I can hear them, and I’m grinning at their happiness, but do I really want to sneak in and invade their privacy? Well…. Yes, kind of. Even I can admit there’s something special going on in there. I had a glass and a half wine at a fun dinner with friends, and now I’ve settled down to the serious alcohol…. Dry dirty martini… Oh goodness – I feel like such a lush….. and a lustful lush at that! So…remind me of where I left off……. Um, have they had enough to drink yet? Have I had enough to drink????

Charlotte had laced her arm through Sidney’s, and she was allowing him to pull her quickly towards the stairs. She had drunk quite a bit of champagne, and her steps were a tad unsteady, so she was happy to have a husband to lean on. A husband… her husband. She gazed up at him, and almost tripped over the thick hallway runner. They both laughed as he caught her and prevented an embarrassing fall. As they mounted the stairs, she looked back, and saw her father standing alone, and for a second her heart broke for him. She loosened her grip on Sidney’s arm and walked quickly and carefully back to the man who had protected her from the day she was born. He had said that he wanted her to come under Sidney’s protection, but it had just occurred to her that he was probably feeling a tremendous loss. He smiled as he watched her stride towards him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her head on his chest. She was glad that her face was hidden from the others as she felt tears squeeze out of the corners of her eyes. She always loved when he hugged her like this. She felt safe wrapped in his arms with his chin resting on her head. He too felt tears threatening to fall as he held his little girl to his chest for what he knew was the last time. Next time he would hug a woman who belonged completely to another man, and he was both reluctant and happy to let her go. He looked up and met Sidney’s eyes. The young man waited patiently for him to release his wife, almost as if he was thinking about this same scene happening in the future with his own daughter. He kissed her head, and released her to let her fly. She had been raised in a sheltered cocoon so filled with love, safety and affection, that he was certain the significance of this moment was not lost on her. He felt certain that it was also not lost on her husband. Sidney strode quietly over to the pair, not to rush them, but to offer his support for both of them. When Charles Heywood released Charlotte, he turned and gave Sidney a quick hug, then gave his shoulders a quick hard squeeze as if granting him silent permission to lead his much beloved daughter into this new mysterious but wonderful way of life. Sidney held his arm out for Charlotte and waited until she wrapped her hand in the crook of his elbow and stepped toward him. Sidney knew from the deepest, darkest depths of his soul what a treasure his wife’s father had just bestowed upon him, and he swore a silent vow that he would never, ever misuse that trust. He would make the effort to memorize the vows he had taken today and to do his best to live up to them. As he stole glances at his wife he was amazed that she looked happy and unafraid. But, he was terrified. He knew Charlotte was full of passion, and he couldn’t wait to explore his wife – the soft, the wild, the crazy, the silly, but tonight would be about the tenderness. Even if she wanted things to be wild and crazy tonight, he was determined to make certain that she looked happily forward to their future romps with anticipation for more fun and not with an anticipation of pain. One thing he was certain about he could not wait to worship his wife with his own body.

They stopped outside her bedroom door. He bent his head and asked quietly before opening it, “Are you ready for this?” She gave him an almost ‘are you joking’ grin, sucked in her bottom lip, smiled and nodded. He opened the door and allowed her to step into the room first. 

Once the door was shut she immediately stopped and turned towards her husband. She was so close that he could feel her breath on his neck, but she waited for him to make the first move. He took her hand and laid it upon his chest so she could feel his heart pounding. He couldn’t believe he was almost afraid to touch her. “God, you’re beautiful.” He whispered. As she rose on her toes to meet his lips, he felt her breasts as they pressed upon his chest. He lowered his lips to hers and lost himself in the taste and feel of her mouth on his. He closed his eyes and allowed his lips to explore those of his wife’s. He dropped his lips and trailed them along her jaw. She moaned when he sucked her ear lobe between his teeth. She laughed, embarrassed. He laughed softly. “I’ve dreamed of hearing you moan like that.” He whispered. “Oh god, I’d love to hear it again.” In an unbelievably bold yet tender move she took his hand and brought it to her breast and held it there. It was his turn to moan. 

“I’ve dreamed of hearing you moan like that,” she whispered back to him as she sucked the skin just below his jaw. Sidney wrapped his arms around her waist, spun her around and held her against the door. His mouth devoured hers, his tongue pleaded with her, and she answered his every move. Both hands were now firmly caressing her breasts, and he pressed his entire body against hers. He knew she could feel him, and she seemed to welcome him. Sidney was lost, he dropped his head and kissed and licked her collar bone, then lowered his mouth to her chest. Both hands pushed her breasts up, and he buried his face in her cleavage. “Oh god, I love you, Charlotte,” he murmured. He was surprised when she raised her hands to his lapels and removed his coat. She let it drop to the floor. Next, she started working on the knot of his cravat, but she paused and placed her hands over his which were already caressing her breasts, and coaxed him to press harder. He did, but he used his other hand to drop one sleeve of her dress. When he realized that he was going to have to undo buttons to give him better access, he turned her around and proceeded to unbutton what seemed to him to be an endless number of buttons. He loosened enough to drop the top half of her dress to her waist, then worked frantically to loosen the laces of her stays. She sighed once they were loosened, and pulled the front of her dress and stays down to expose her breasts to his view. He stared with wonder then looked at her almost to as if to ask for permission. She smiled and once again placed his hands back on her breasts. He closed his eyes and took in the feeling of his wife’s excitement. “You like this,” he whispered. It was a statement, not a question, and he ran his thumbs over her nipples and watched as she closed her eyes and moaned. “oh god,” he lowered his head and sucked in one of her already hard buds. His senses overcame him. Her smell, her taste, the sight of her, the feel of her. “Oh Charlotte.” 

She drew her attention back to his cravat, and finally managed to loosen the knot and remove it. She lowered her fingers to his waistcoat, and loosen each button until she finally was able to slip the vest off his shoulders an let it too drop to the floor. She laughed softly. “It appears I’m more exposed than you are.” In a flash, Sidney quickly remedied that situation and he stood before his wife bare chested. She traced her fingers down his sides, then around the waist of his pants. She brushed her fingers lightly through the hair on his chest, and ran one hand down to his navel to follow the line of hair that ended somewhere below his waist band. Her other hand slid over his chest, and she lowered her face to his nipple and mirrored what he had just done to her. She raised her eyes to his, and he closed his eyes and moaned. Encouraged by this, her other hand made its way up and continued its gentle ministrations. 

Sidney ran his hands down her back, over the slope of her bum and stopped. He squeezed and lifted her, and was overcome with desire when she wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed her center against him. “Charlotte, oh god, Charlotte,” he whispered. He pressed his mouth to hers as he carried her to the bed. He managed to get the last few buttons undone, and let her dress fall to the floor. She managed to loosen the laces on her stays enough that she easily lifted them above her head, and laid back allowing Sidney to enjoy the view. He untied her petticoat, and pulled it down, exposing her naked body to his sight. He leaned down and kissed her navel and belly, but did not go lower. Instead he paused, and breathed in her scent. His wife’s scent, and he almost cried. He realized that she still wore her stockings, and he took his time untying the ribbons and rolling her stockings down her legs. She watched as he kissed the insides of her thighs, and wondered where his next move would be. Then she wrapped her fingers around his arms and pulled him towards her lips and kissed him. She was unsure as to what to do next, so as she met his tongue and explored his mouth, she allowed him to continue to explore her body. She ran her hands down his back and under the waist band of his pants and felt his muscles flex as she pulled him towards her. “Sidney, I want to see you,” she whispered. He quickly stood and allowed his pants to fall to the floor. She gazed at him. All of him. And sucked in a breath. 

He climbed on top of his wife and buried his face in her hair. He loved the feel of her curls as they played through his fingertips. He kept one hand in her hair and allowed his other hand to rove over her body. When it stopped to caress her breast, his mouth followed. Her moans encouraged him to continue his ministrations as his hand moved lower. He caressed her belly, her navel, her hips, then her thighs. Then his fingers worked their way upward and into her folds. She was raising her hips, as if her body was begging his fingers to continue their exploration. As he kissed her, he wanted to lower his face to taste her, but he waited and allowed his fingers to work their magic. He pushed inside her, and felt her barrier. He slowed and gazed at her asking for permission. “This may hurt,” he said softly. She smiled and raised her hips inviting the hurt, and he pushed through. She gasped, but welcomed the feel of his fingers. As he continued to explore the depths of her body, he felt her tighten, and raise her hips to invite him in, and she started to moan. He had an almost overwhelming desire to taste her, but he waited. As his fingers explored her depths, he allowed his thumb to explore the delights of her folds. He watched as she gasped, then came. He closed his eyes and tried to take notice of every movement that gave his wife more pleasure. When he was certain that she was ready for more, he moved his body between her legs, and whispered again, “Are you ready for this?” She smiled and nodded. He spread her legs with his own and slowly, gently pressed himself into her. He studied her face. In the candlelight, he watched as the blush rose from her chest to her neck to her cheeks. She licked her lips and raised her face to kiss him. ‘Oh god,’ he was lost. As his tongue played with hers, he started moving inside her. “Oh, Sidney,” her words escaped her mouth in a breathy whisper. “Oh, Sidney, I love you.” That was it. He was completely undone. As he moved faster, he watched as she closed her eyes, moved her head back to expose her neck and breasts to his ministrations. He held her breasts, but he was incapable of any other thought than making love to his wife. She started moaning again, and she came just before his own release. In that moment, he knew there would never be another human being that he loved more than the woman lying beneath him. For the rest of his life, he would remember this exact moment, and never fully understand the profundity of it. His soul actually merged with that of his wife’s, and he realized that for the rest of his life he would be Sidney Parker in name only. But he belonged to Charlotte, and he knew… he would bet his life on knowing that she cherished his heart, and would keep it safe within her own. For the second time that day, he cried. Her hands caressed his back, and she kissed his cheeks and his lips and kissed away his tears, but she said nothing. There was no need because at that moment the two of them had truly become one, and she understood his tears, and wrapped herself around her husband until they both fell into an exhausted sleep knowing that in the past 24 hours something magical happened that neither of them would ever fully understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, hoo..... I'll be interested in your feed back. To those of you who write such exquisite sex scenes in this fan fiction, I had no intention of stealing your scenes. However, as I remember what a convenience store clerk once told me.... Sex... there're only so many positions and places you can do it, and after a while it's all the same. So if any of this sounds familiar, please let me know.... there was no intentional plagiarism.


	36. The Women, the Men, Charlotte and Sidney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The women come up with their plan.
> 
> The men come up with a plan of their own.
> 
> Charlotte and Sidney make no plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING, I think the rating on this needs to be changed to explicit!!! Can't believe I've written it, but there it is! If you aren't into the sex, then stop at the second row of 💜💜💜!!!!! It won't change the story.
> 
> I want to thank everybody for your lovely comments. It was a rather busy weekend, and I haven't been able to reply, but I've read every one, and love and appreciate them. TANKS!!!

The Women, the Men, Charlotte and Sidney

Albert Quisenberry watched with dismay when Charlotte turned back to her father. He discretely checked his watch, and realized he had exactly thirty seconds before Crowe’s time would win the pot. He glanced over to the man who he now realized called the time correctly. He gave Crowe a crestfallen look acknowledging his loss. Crowe gave him a crocked smile, an raised his glass in a salute. No hard feelings.

For some odd reason, the happy party segregated again. The men to outside to smoke and do whatever men do when standing together on a patio, and the women back to the chairs and card table by the fire. Little did everyone know, this natural separation was once again orchestrated by Susan, but with Burton Maudsley as her accomplice. 

There would be no card playing tonight. The women were too intent on talking about the lovely impromptu wedding that just took place.

“Ok, Susan, spill it! Did you plan this all along?” Asked Lady Faye.

“Actually, no,” she replied honestly. “I really wanted for us to come together and form a protective wall around Charlotte. You know, Eliza Campion had some nasty things planned for the girl, and possibly her sisters. I knew Eliza would be a problem, but I never would have guessed she would go to the extreme she went through to remove Charlotte from Sidney’s life.”

“What do you mean?” asked Patricia Wittenaur.

“Kidnapping without ransom. Evidently she had someone who would kidnap her and sell her or one of her sisters on the black market.” There was a collective gasp. “Eliza has been taken into custody.” There was another gasp as this was new news. “Both Hans and George felt that the Heywood girls would all be safer if Charlotte married. Evidently last night Eliza broke off her engagement to Sidney, and this morning at breakfast, much to all of our elations, he announced his engagement to Charlotte. George immediately had a special license drawn up, and we all thought there would be a wedding in Sanditon at the end of the week. However, Patricia, I had forgotten that Aubrey was an ordained priest. When I took him aside and told him what both Charlotte and Charles Heywood were dealing with, he was happy to lead the ceremony tonight, provided, both Charlotte and Sidney wanted it.” Susan gave a wicked, knowing smile. “It took little convincing.”

The women laughed.  
“It was the most romantic wedding I ever witnessed,” Said Patricia in her quiet breathless voice. The other women agreed enthusiastically.

“I can’t wait to get Andrew home!” exclaimed Faye. “Weddings do something to him,” she swallowed. “And hot flashes be damned, they bring out the young lover in him.”

The other women tittered in agreement. 

“So, what can we do?” asked Margaret.

“I know exactly what we can do!” Mabel said. She gave Margaret and Patricia an expression full of mirth… and anticipation. “Both of you and now Charlotte have husbands in the shipping business. Sooooo….”

All the women gazed at her in anticipation. They were clueless as to what she had in mind. Mabel rolled her eyes and looked at Susan. Susan gave her a wide smile, “Tell us!”

“We need to have a pirate’s ball.”

💜💜💜💜💜

The men’s first order of business was to settle the bets. Babers won on the time of the nuptials, and Crowe won on the time that the newlyweds would ascend the stairs. Their last bet, the first audible vocal coming from the upstairs bedroom, had yet to be settled. Both Crowe and Babers promised that there was absolutely no collusion in their win. In fact, had they even broached the subject with Sidney, they both well could have gone home with black eyes. They shrugged and said they simply knew Sidney better than the rest of the men. There was no mention as to whether or not Charlotte had a say in the timing, but they didn’t care. Though they wouldn’t admit it, every man there had a romantic streak, and this impromptu wedding touched something deep inside them, and they were all thinking about their evening activities after this party ended. 

Burton Maudsley cleared his throat. Everyone at the party tonight knew that they were here to help Sidney Parker in some capacity, and they were happy for it, though none of them particularly wanted to help his brother, Tom. “We need to come up with a way to help Sidney out of the mess he’s landed in because of his brother.” There were nods and some agreements vocalized. “And I have a plan, but please feel free to step in if you have any other ideas.”

“Maudsley, you always have a plan,” said Andrew Gray. He knew the reason why he was here…because he was a successful real estate developer, but he was always willing to hear about what was going on with other projects.

“I think we may need your expertise, but I think we can come up with some long-term projects that could benefit all of us. I only wish Sidney was here to give us his input, but maybe we should decide amongst ourselves, and if someone can’t join in, then he can step out now. No questions asked.”

“Okay, I’m all ears,” said John Glenfiddich.

“Let me lay out my thoughts, then feel free to step in and amend my proposition as need be.”

Burton looked around the group, and once he had everybody’s approval, he continued. “First, I’m an import broker, so I see everything that comes into this port and out of it. Aubrey and Dan, you two along with Sidney are in the shipping business. You three do a lot of your own warehousing, financing and brokering. Alfred, you’re a banker and constantly searching for sound prospects. Babers, you head up several syndicates at Lloyds. If we can join several of our businesses together as our own syndicate, could we get better rates on the insurance? Crowe, you’re in the real estate leasing business. How many warehouses do you have? Could you manage more? John, you’re shipping your spirits all over the world with different shippers, many of which you know nothing about, with questionable results. Remember I see these things, and I know which shipments go out, which ones make it safely to faraway ports, and which ones are lost at sea or to pirates or to foreign governments.” He glanced at the Prince Regent, and George nodded an acknowledgement. “George could possibly help us with government issues. And, Mr. Schmidt here, well he’s our wild card. I still haven’t quite figured out exactly what he does,” Hans smirked. “But, he’s German, and tight with his money which means he has lots of it.” George looked at Hans and laughed. “Which brings us to you, Andrew. You’re the odd man out, but not really. Tom is out of Sanditon, at least money and management wise. According to Susan, their money situation may not be as bad as originally thought. Evidently Charlotte loves the town, and probably would like to live there. I think Sidney could oversee the project, and oversee it well, but I think your guidance would be invaluable to him. Can we put something together amongst all of us?”

💜💜💜💜💜

Charlotte awoke with her face on Sidney’s chest, and her head under his chin. She closed her eyes for a moment enjoying the feel of his hand on her breast. Before he had drifted off to sleep he had wrapped his arm protectively around her. She had gently taken his hand and moved it up to her exposed breast. She didn’t know why she did this, but it gave her an added sense of security, and when she woke up, she loved the feeling that his hand had remained. Most of the candles had burned out, but several still flickered, and she took stock of her husband. Most of his face was hidden, but she could see his nose, and the slight bruising that remained. She gazed his lips, and she wanted to kiss them, but she refrained. Her eyes wandered down to his chest. She loved both seeing and feeling the gentle rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing. She took in the heart shaped bruise below his breast bone, and cringed inwardly. She reached out and touched it, and traced her finger around the outline of the perfectly shaped bruise. From there she lightly traced her fingers down to his navel, then to the enticing hair below. She traced her hands over and inside his hips, then down to his thighs. His breathing hadn’t changed, but she did notice a slight, but sudden rise. She continued to stroke his inner thigh, then raised her fingers to mimic his earlier caresses to her. She was surprised at silkiness of his cock. She glanced up to his face, he was still asleep, but his breathing had slowed. With her head on his chest, her mouth was so close that she flicked her tongue over his nipple. She smiled as she felt him twitch under her hand. She loved the feel of him. She wanted to feel him inside her again, but she decided to wait patiently and continue touching, feeling and discovering him. She loved this time. She was alone, but she was with him. She stroked him, and wondered if he may be dreaming of her. She took a firmer hold of him, and he groaned, and squeezed her breast. She flicked his nipple again, and his fingers responded in kind. It was her turn to moan. She repeated her ministrations with her tongue, and he repeated in kind but harder. She draped her leg over his, and pushed herself against him. 

“Charlotte,” he whispered. She didn’t stop what she was doing. He raised his hips to encourage her stroking, and brought his other hand between her legs to feel that she, too, was ready for him. “Oh god, Charlotte. I love the way you feel.” He flipped her over and buried his nose in her hair, and kissed her head, down to her ears, and ran his tongue down her neck and jaw till he found her lips and encouraged her to open her mouth with his tongue. She happily opened her mouth and allowed his entry. She moaned when his fingers explored her folds. He dropped his head and devoured the breast that he had been holding all night. He remembered that she seemed to like the firmer hold, and he squeezed harder as his tongue worked its frantic magic. “Charlotte, I want to taste you.” He looked at her, and spread her folds as if asking permission. She nodded. He made his way slowly down her body, and stopped at her curls and simply breathed in her scent. “Oh god, I love the way you smell,” he murmured not knowing if she heard him or not. As he moved lower, he missed her hand, but she moved her fingers up to his hair. He moved his body between her legs and looked up at her. She nodded, and he lowered his head. Her earlier comment about heaven crossed his mind, and he was certain he was there. To see her, touch her, smell her and taste her. He couldn’t get enough of her. He licked her as his fingers plunged inside her, and he raised his other hand to squeeze her breast and pinch her nipple. He watched her. Her eyes were closed, and she had raised one hand to her other breast. She moaned his name, and he didn’t know how long he could hold off. She moaned his name again, and he could feel her tighten around his fingers. “Sidney!” He watched as she came undone. She moved her free hand over to the breast he had been tending to, and pressed. He understood her cue. He loved that she had no qualms showing him what she needed. 

Once he felt her come down, he made his way back up to the pillows, and pulled her over on top of him. She mirrored his every move he made with her. “Oh god, Charlotte.” He started to reach down, but once again she brought his hand back to her breast. And, once again, he squeezed hard and played with her nipple and chuckled. “You like this, huh?”

She laughed. “Before tonight, I only dreamed of your hands on my breasts.” She looked slightly embarrassed and whispered, “I didn’t know there was so much more.”

He laughed and kissed her. “Charlotte, I want to be inside you.” She reached back and stroked him. He moaned. She placed him at her entrance, and he pushed inside her. He held her hips in both hands and helped her gain a rhythm and confidence in this position. She lost the rhythm a bit when she lowered her breast to his mouth, but he took it in eagerly, and when he felt her start to come again, he was lost. He used both hands to hold her in place as he pushed deep inside her and came with her. 

She kissed his lips softly, then collapsed onto his chest. He stroked her back gently and whispered. “I can’t believe I’ve married the woman of my dreams.”

“I think we had a lot of help," she laughed.

He chuckled. “Do you think Susan planned this tonight?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. We’re here, and that’s all that matters to me.”


	37. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Heywood decides to make a surprise visit to London, and is not with the scene at the breakfast table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that you all are enjoying what I had hoped to be a little story, but my characters have run away with it. Thank you for all your wonderful comments! You guys are the reason why I'm doing this.

The Morning After

Charlotte and Sidney didn’t wake until late in the morning. They both rose and tended to their morning routines, but found themselves back in bed when Charlotte had asked Sidney to help her with her stays. He simply couldn’t keep his hands off of her, nor she him. Once sated, they both laughed, then rose in earnest.  
Sidney managed to help his wife dress, and she helped him with his cravat. Luckily Thomas had left the waistcoat that he had worn earlier last evening, so though he was still wearing rather formal dinner clothes, he managed to pull off a look casual enough to eat breakfast. Then he would make his way back to Bedford Place to change into more business-like attire. Charlotte chose a blue muslin high waisted day dress, and happily accompanied Sidney down to the solarium where Susan usually took her breakfast.

Susan was busy reading the newspaper and responding to several messages which had been delivered early this morning. Evidently word of their eventful evening had already started making the rounds amongst the beau monde, and everybody wanted an audience to get the gossip on what had transpired. 

She smiled at the happy couple, both of whom blushed under her scrutiny. “Well, well! Finally decided to join us mere mortals?” she laughed.

“Did last night really happen, or is this some wild and wonderful dream?” asked Charlotte.

“Last night really did happen. You both had witnesses.” Charlotte and Sidney looked at each other and laughed the guilty laugh of two people who instantly understood that the entire world now knew exactly what they were doing last night. “Sit down and have some breakfast.” Susan smiled at the waiting footman, and he disappeared towards the kitchen to let Sally know that she needed to reheat the bacon, and scramble some more eggs. 

Susan’s butler, Lawrence, stepped into the room and handed several messages to both Charlotte and Sidney. Charlotte had never before received so many messages before breakfast. She pulled out the note from Allison and read it first. She laughed. “Looks like she’s taken a liking to one of the Prince Regent’s captains. She hopes they never leave!” Susan and Sidney both laughed at that. “Though she still doesn’t seem to understand why they’re there.” She gave both Sidney and Susan a concerned look.

“We need to talk with your mother,” said Sidney. Susan nodded in agreement.

“Allison’s jealous because she’s heard that I’m marrying the most handsome man in London, and she can’t wait to meet him.” She smirked at Sidney. Then she gasped. “Mother’s coming to London… alone! According to this, she’s already left Willingden!” She gave Susan and Sidney a horrified look. “What will we tell her?”

“The truth,” was Susan’s simple answer.

“I guess I thought that Papa would break the news to her first.” 

“Well, I’ll be happy to stand with you when we announce the news to her,” offered Sidney. “But, Burton Maudsley is requesting an eleven o’clock meeting. I should be able to meet with him and be back here in plenty of time to meet your mother when she arrives.”

Sidney groaned when he read his next message. “It’s from Mary.” He handed the message to Charlotte. She gasped when she read the words ‘Where’s Tom?’ It was hard not to chuckle, but they all knew the seriousness of the trouble that Sidney’s brother was in. In fact, neither Charlotte nor Sidney had a chance to discuss Tom’s possible involvement in Eliza’s plan. 

“What are you going to say to her?” Charlotte asked.

“Right now, nothing. We need to figure out what to do about Tom and Sanditon, but before the authorities decide what to do with him, there’s nothing neither you nor I nor anyone else can do about it.”

Charlotte looked like she wanted to object, but Susan interrupted her. “Charlotte, Tom has put himself in this position. Even if it was unintentional, he betrayed both you and Sidney in the most heinous way, and could have been an accessory to your kidnaping and enslavement. You need to think seriously about that.”

“I know, but I worry about Mary and the children.”

“My dear. Nothing is going to happen to them. They may have to tighten their belts for a while, but they will be okay. You and Sidney now need to concentrate on making your union as strong as possible because you two may be supporting them for some time.” 

Charlotte gave a slight nod. She didn’t like what she was hearing, but she knew it was the truth. She looked at Sidney and the look he gave her said that he had considering this possibility for a long time. “Which is why I need to talk to Burton Maudsley this morning.” She smiled and nodded at him. 

Sally made her way into the room, and set a small platter of bacon and eggs, a bowl of fried apples, and a basket of fresh toast on the table. Sidney offered her the eggs as she offered him some apples. They both chuckled remembering the soup he had served her at Lady Denham’s luncheon that she had left untouched. They served each other and ate, enjoying each other’s company and that of Susan. 

Lawrence stepped hastily back into the room. “Mrs. Thelma Heywood is here to see you.” Knowing that the woman was probably directly behind him, he didn’t want to inadvertently divulge sensitive information.

With a ferocious scowl, Mrs. Heywood took in the domestic scene in front of her. She glanced at the serene woman sitting at the head of the table who appeared that she may be holding a canary in her mouth. Then she took in the man sitting next to Charlotte, he obviously was wearing the same clothing he had worn the night before, and her glare told him she knew full well what this fact indicated. Then she looked at her daughter who looked stunned, but also oddly happy. She glared back at the man, then to Charlotte, and in a huff, she stated loudly, “Charlotte! You’ve been plucked!”

When the road weary woman stepped through the door and announced herself, Lawrence glanced quickly at the waiting footman, and shot his eyes in the direction of Bedford Place. He stepped quietly out the front door, but once the door shut behind him, he sped towards the Parker household.

Lawrence knew that this woman was not waiting to remove her hat, gloves and coat which would have given a maid enough time to rush back to the solarium and warn its occupants that an irate mother was about to invade their quiet little haven, so he benignly said, “Follow me.” He thought that at least his size may block her view for a split second which may give the room’s occupants time to compose themselves. But upon hearing her angry words, he glanced at Susan, but had to immediately look away and step out of the room because he was afraid he would laugh. Once in the hallway, he pulled his handkerchief out of his pocked and coughed like he had just swallowed a pesky fly. ‘Yes, Mrs. Heywood,’ he thought to himself, ‘your daughter has been plucked and plucked and plucked and plucked, and if he had to put money on last evening’s events he would bet that she had also been pollinated.’

“Mama?” said Charlotte. “It’s good…….”

“Good to see me?” she interrupted her daughter. “What have you been up to? We let you come to London, and this…this.. woman,” she flicked her nose towards Susan, ‘allows this man,” she glared at Sidney, “to debauch my daughter?”

For the second time in twenty-four hours Sidney had been accused by a Heywood parent of debauching Charlotte. Sidney started to shake, and at first, she thought that her husband was crying, but then he couldn’t contain his laughter. He stood and put his hands on Charlotte’s shoulders. For a second, he thought the woman was going to hit him with her overnight bag. Then he gave her one of his gorgeous Sidney Parker smiles, without the waxed-out tooth, took a breath and said in a voice full of pride and love, “Mrs. Heywood, may I introduce you to my wife Mrs. Charlotte Parker.”

“What?” She glanced at her daughter, and Charlotte smiled and nodded. “You went to Scotland?” confusion clouded her face. Sidney quickly pulled out a chair for her, and Charlotte jumped up and took her hand to help steady her mother. She was too stunned to speak, so she looked towards Susan for support.

Susan cleared her throat. “Mrs. Heywood, I am Lady Susan Worchester.” She offered her hand to the other woman. Thelma returned the awkward handshake, but was suddenly struck dumb. “And this is Sidney Parker, Charlotte’s new husband.” Sidney bowed respectfully to Mrs. Heywood. 

“Mrs. Heywood,” Susan continued, “There was a valid reason for these two to marry as quickly as possible.”

Thelma turned to Charlotte. “You’re pregnant.” she deadpanned.  
Sidney smiled when he saw the crease appear between Charlotte’s eyebrows. “No, Mother.” Mrs. Heywood gave Charlotte a shocked look because she never used the formal Mother over Mama. Charlotte was fuming at her mother’s nasty entrance. “Mother, take off your coat and stay a while. Would you like some coffee or tea?”

She nodded, “Tea, please.” She gave her daughter a worried look. “What if there’s an early baby. People will talk.”

“I would be thrilled with an early baby!” Sidney chimed in. 

“But what of our other daughters? It would ruin their chances of making good matches for themselves.”

“Mother,” Charlotte interrupted her mother’s train of thought again with the formal address. “I can do the math, I was born seven months after you and Papa were married, and it didn’t seem to diminish the chances for either your or Papa’s sisters.” 

“Charlotte!” Mrs. Heywood couldn’t believe this conversation. “You were early and so tiny. You spent your first weeks in the top narrow dresser drawer next to our bed. You were so quiet, that many times I thought we had lost you. Your cries were so quiet we could hardly hear you.” Sidney winced at the thought of baby Charlotte struggling to survive, then he noticed Mrs. Heywood wringing her hands in her lap. He pulled another chair up next to his wife’s mother and sat down. He reached for the tea that Sally had placed on the table and poured her a cup. 

“Milk or Sugar?” he asked. 

“Sugar, please,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“Would you like a shot of brandy with it?” he asked not really expecting her to accept, but to his surprise she nodded. He stepped up to the sideboard and poured her a small shot glass and handed it to her. She downed it in one swallow and handed the glass back to him for another shot. His eyes slid to Susan, and she gave a slight shrug. She downed that glass and set it down next to her tea cup. Almost immediately she took a deep breath and reached for her tea with a steady hand. 

“I’m sorry, sweet heart. I’m completely in the dark. I don’t know what’s going on. Everything’s happening so quickly, and I’m scared.” 

Sidney and Charlotte exchanged knowing glances. That was the crux of the whole matter. “Mama, I’m scared, too, but please don’t make a mistake in misjudging Sidney. He’s a good man. The best, and I know you’ll love him when you get to know him.” Thelma nodded.

Susan finally spoke up. “Mrs. Heywood, let me show you to a room upstairs where you can change out of your travel clothes and freshen up. I know Lawrence has sent for Mr. Heywood, and he should be here in a few minutes. I’ll send him up when he gets here, and you two can talk privately in my parlor upstairs.”

Sidney took advantage of the empty room and kissed his wife. She pressed her body against him and was surprised to feel a wave of longing pass over her. She was also surprised to feel that Sidney was thinking the same thing. They both laughed and pried themselves apart. “I’ve got to go change out of these clothes before someone else sees me and thinks I’m a scoundrel sneaking out of the Lady Susan’s house on the morning after.”

“You are the scoundrel leaving her house on the morning after, only it’s my morning after.”


End file.
